Category: Health

Daily Life, Health

I Can’t Sleep

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never really experienced insomnia before. I’ve always been an “early riser” and just accepted that was my circadian rhythm. I wake up early (typically 5-ish am) no matter what time I go to bed. Stay up too late and I’ll pay for it by being tired all the next day. It’s always been that way and I’ve just had to deal with it. But now I’ve been reading about sleep and am freaked out about how damaging lack of sleep can be. I have a Fitbit giving me nightly sleep scores. And lately… I’m waking up at 2:30-3:30 am every night and can’t get back to sleep.

I don’t know how to fix this. Mrs. Troutdog says not everyone needs eight hours of sleep. True, but you can’t function on an average of five hours a night. It’s what I’ve been doing for weeks now and I’m tired all the time. It’s hard to get through the day without a solid hour + nap. I try to read in the afternoon and my eyes won’t stay open. It’s frustrating.

I’ve stopped alcohol. No more caffeine in the afternoon. I exercise. I’m trying to keep the room cool and dark. I’ve started adding magnesium before bed. I have zero problem falling asleep. I’m out like clockwork within 5-10 minutes of going to bed. But at 3:00 am every morning… bing, eyes open up and it’s all over. Oh, I try to get back to sleep. I usually suffer through an hour-hour and half of tossing and turning. Hips will start to ache. Hot. I can’t get my arms comfortable. I’ll hyper focus on the slightest noise in the room. The thoughts in my head won’t shut off. I’ll lay there with my eyes closed for what seems like hours and then peek at the clock and five minutes went by. Somewhere around 4:00 am I give up and get out of bed.

It’s frustrating because I am tired. I don’t want to have to rely on a nap later to keep functioning. Mrs. Troutdog thinks I’m going to bed too early. My fear is that if I stay up later I’ll still wake up at the same time, just with fewer hours of sleep. At least a 9:00 pm bedtime gets me five-ish hours of sleep.

Am I not sleeping because I’m now hyper-focused on sleep, sleep research and the Fitbit sleep data? I don’t think I’m stressed. Nothing out of the ordinary has changed in my life. It’s a mystery why it’s gotten so bad lately.

Mrs. Troutdog has horrible sleep patterns and insomnia. Always has. She goes to bed in the wee hours of the night and then sleeps like the dead. She’d probably sleep until noon if daily life activities didn’t dictate getting up earlier. I’ve never had much sympathy for her late-night insomnia… until now.

So to all you insomniacs, do you just ride it out? Is it a phase that will pass? Do I start experimenting with different bedtimes? It’s so frustrating.

Or maybe I don’t need to do anything? Evidence shows that historically, humans often had biphasic sleep patterns. Also known as a “second sleep”. People went to bed early, then woke and performed chores, visited neighbors, etc… and then had their second sleep. For unclear reasons, this pattern began to disappear in the 17th-18th century. Maybe I just embrace it and plan on getting errands done at 4:00 am?

The other option is that I go the siesta route. I remember visiting Spain and being initially puzzled (in the smaller towns) why all the stores were closed for three hours in the afternoon. Everyone is busy taking a siesta after their midday meal. Rather than pretending to myself that I’m going to just “close my eyes for a few” most afternoons, maybe I just go all-in. Intentionally climb into bed and sleep a couple of hours.

I don’t know. I worry that anything I do is going to unintentionally reinforce a pattern. How do I fix this, or do I even need to try?

So… if you start seeing a flurry of random daily blog posts with topics all over the map in the next few weeks, it’s because I’m wandering around at 3:00 in the morning trying to figure out what to do with myself.

Health

A Record High Score

As mentioned in a previous post, I purchased a Fitbit almost a month ago. I only wanted a cheap way to see heartrate but discovered the sleep tracking feature and have been obsessed ever since. I thought I was a good sleeper. I tend to go to bed fairly early and always fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. I wake up pretty early, but figured that was ok since I go to bed early. Turns out the data shows that I’m a horrible sleeper.

I have yet to sleep eight hours. With a sleep scale from 0-100, I rarely crack the 70 mark, which is only considered “fair”. Most nights I’m sleeping 5.5 to 6.5 hours. My REM and deep sleep cycles average 45 minutes to an hour. That’s pitiful. It also partially helps explain why I constantly need a nap and always feel low energy.

It’s no secret that you need a good nights sleep. But we are also bombarded with sayings like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” and seeing Jocko’s daily 4:30 am Instagram post, shaming you to get up and work out. So just how important is a good nights sleep? Well, I just finished Dr Peter Attia’s book on longevity titled “Outlive”. I highly recommend it. He considers sleep the number two item to combat chronic disease (exercise is number one). He goes through great detail about why the REM and deep sleep cycles are so important. I’m sold. I am now fully convinced that I need to teach myself how to get a good nights sleep.

At my age can I really teach an old dog new tricks? I’m not sure. But… last night I scored my highest ever sleep score. I scored an 87 with 7 hours and 40 minutes of sleep. I was in REM for two hours and 10 minutes, deep sleep for an hour and 27 minutes. I don’t know what voodoo Fitbit does to figure this out, but the studies I quickly looked up show it’s reasonably close to an EEG test. Good enough for government work I figure.

I’ve noticed another few data points that are interesting. Specific to sleep there are two measurements it tracks – heart rate variability (HRV) and temperature. You want as high a variability as possible. Mine is pitifully low and probably reflects a poor overall level of fitness. Temperature shows how much your body temp drops from it’s baseline when you sleep (dropping is good). Here’s the interesting thing… when I drink alcohol, my HRV gets worse, and my body temperature rises instead of dropping. I knew that alcohol is not good for sleep – but I’d never seen it so dramatically illustrated. Not specific to sleep, but after a night of a handful of drinks, my resting heart rate goes up for much of the next day. Crazy how impactful it is.

I’m not sure how to improve my sleep score further. In my part of the world, it’ll soon be light until 10:30pm and light again at 7am. Starting at 2-3am every night the dog gets restless and starts going in and out of the room. A sleep mask would be too claustrophobic and runs the risk of being suprise attacked by zombies in the middle of the night. Ditto earplugs. It’s a challenge.

It’s a challenge I accept however. Among my many other goals this summer, I want to get to the point where I am regularly hitting the 8-hour mark for sleep and averaging high 80’s for a sleep score. My HRV needs to improve drastically, and my resting HR can stand to drop another 10 points.

It would be nice to not feel like I had to take a nap every day. It would be wonderful to pop out of bed and feel refreshed. It would be fantastic to not end up with dementia my last decade of life (poor sleep is one of the associated factors). Good goals to have.

Cool, Health, Motivation

End Of A Season

And just like that, it’s over. The last day of the ski season. It happens every year. Most years, by the end I’m kinda meh. Ready for golf and mountain biking. But not this year. This was a fantastic ski year for me. The snow was amazing – more powder days than I’ve ever had. And close to record levels of snow (global warming, of course). But it wasn’t just the conditions that made it great. I made a fundamental leap in my skiing ability this year.

Interestingly, it wasn’t my skill that improved – it was my confidence. Up to this point, I’ve often let fear control what sort of runs I ski down. I’d look at a line through the trees or a black diamond run on the map and manage to talk myself out of trying it. I’d spend most of the season skiing the same runs over and over. The only exception would be when I’d ski with someone better than me who’d assure me, I would have no problem skiing a new run or line. That would be the only time I’d try something unknown.

But something happened at the beginning of this season. After thinking about, contemplating, and worrying about a new area I’d wanted to try – I finally told myself, fuck it, we’re going to do it. What’s the worst that could happen? And sure enough, I had the skill to do it and had a blast. That boost in confidence opened up a whole new world for me.

All season long I’ve been on a mission to ski the entire mountain. Every time I tried a new line through the trees, I’d discover an entire new area I never knew existed. It’s been an absolute blast. Probably the most fun I’ve had skiing. And with each new run, my confidence soared.

I’m ending this season with the knowledge that I can ski the entire mountain (with some crazy exceptions involving cliffs and chutes). There isn’t any place I don’t have the confidence to go. It’s an amazing feeling. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not always pretty. There’s been a few lines that were more survival than skiing. But I got down. And there’s been a few yard sale wipeouts for sure. But I did it.

And now for the first time ever, I have goals for next season. I want to make that next big jump in ski ability. It’s time to move from average intermediate skills to expert. I’ve never before felt like that was possible for me. Now I do. If I work hard physically this summer to get ready, I’m sure I can make that leap in ski ability. The plan is to start next season in the best shape possible and take some lessons right away.

It’s exciting to have a new goal. Skiing has always been just something I do. I enjoy it, but it’s been routine for as long as I can remember. Like going for a hike. I enjoy it, but I certainly don’t get excited about it. This year changed it for me.

I finished my last day of the season with a powder day. Amazing to think we’re still having powder days in April. I spent my day skiing all my favorite lines. I tried one steep new line through the trees. I joked with a few of the lift operators. The resort was mostly empty, so I was often the only one on the run. It was quiet in the trees. Towards the end of the day the clouds rolled in, snow started falling, and visibility dropped.

I stopped halfway down my last run and just listened to the wind. I looked around at the mountains surrounding me and watched the snow falling. I’m grateful I live in a place where I can do this. I’m super stoked to see what I can accomplish next year.

205 runs and 298.1K vertical feet skied. It was a good season.

Health

A Vague Diagnosis

If you’ve been following along at home, you’ll know that I’ve been suffering from some odd stomach issues recently. Bothersome enough that I started down the path of seeing my regular provider who ran a bunch of tests and then referred me to a gastroenterologist. That spawned more consultation and tests. Finally, we recently did the thing with long tubes in multiple orifices and cameras. And the results are… mixed.

The gastroenterologist did find some things, but nothing that clearly explains everything that I’ve been feeling. I hate that vagueness. At least if you blow out your knee or break a bone it’s clear what the problem is, and you can construct a plan to repair things. With this stomach thing it’s a whole lot of you can try this, or this, and sometimes this works. Oh, by the way, this other thing sometimes helps.

I hate that. I want a pill, a surgery, or a specific food to avoid so I can get back to feeling normal. I don’t want a year of experimenting with Himalayan bee extract heated to exactly 98.7 degrees and only eating while reclined on my left side. I don’t have the patience for long term experimentation.

But alas, it’s now clear I’m going to have to become a gut health expert. I’m going to have to be a master of the microbiome. I will know more about poop than any single person should have to know. I promise to do my best not to become that person who chimes in with “helpful advice” anytime food is mentioned.

“I went to the most amazing BBQ place last weekend!”

“Well, you do know that the carcinogens from burning fat are 83% more destructive to your cellular mitochondria than drinking pure ethyl alcohol, right?”

If you ever catch me doing that, you have my permission to whack me upside the head with a 2×4. Meanwhile, excuse me while I go take my latest batch of supplements, medication, and fiber. Sigh…

Daily Life, Health

Things Will Calm Down

Every once in a while, you stumble across something that just makes you feel seen. As in, oh crap that’s me. This morning it was this:

“Adult life is saying to yourself ‘after this week, things will calm down a little’ over and over again until you die.”

This completely sums up my diet and fitness journey.

There are contractors coming to the house this morning. I have a long drive tomorrow. We still need to find a gift for that birthday party. It’s going to rain hard on Thursday. We have that dinner thing on Friday. I need to get the yard done. I can’t put off the oil change any longer. We leave on Monday for two days.

Once I get back, things will calm down and I’ll dive back into the diet and workout.

This is me most weeks. I’ll go two-three days of being consistent, and then something always seems to come up that throws things off.

Unless you live on a deserted island, completely unplugged… life will never “calm down”. I need to stop feeding myself that lie. The problem is that diet and fitness was never a routine in my life. It’s never been a priority.

It needs to be a rule that doesn’t get broken. It needs to be just part of who you are. I wake up, have coffee, and go for a run. Period. I go to the gym on my lunch break. No matter what. It’s just what I do. I play at some sort of sport every weekend. It’s the rule.

Paying attention to what I eat doesn’t feel natural. It’s always something that’s a change. “Starting Monday, I’m eating clean”. It feels forced because it’s not part of what I normally do. Same thing with exercise. Since it’s not part of my normal routine, it’s easy to abandon it when life gets busy.

Like brushing your teeth, it just needs to be a normal part of your daily routine. I wish this had been drilled into me as a kid. Changing your daily routine after twenty years is not easy. It’s no different than if you suddenly had to switch to working the night shift. Nothing about that change would feel normal. But eventually, it would.

The interesting thing about that analogy is that you’d find a way to do it because it was your job. You’d have to. The secret sauce to diet and exercise success is finding a way to tell yourself that this is your new job. Because without it, your long-term prognosis is poor.

It’s part of my new rules. I brush my teeth. I don’t leave dishes in the sink. The dog gets a run. I pay attention to what I eat. I get eight hours of sleep. I exercise. Life will just have to work around that.

Cool, Daily Life, Health

A Slave To The Numbers

I said I was going to wait, but I couldn’t help myself. I bought a Fitbit. I went with just the basic wrist one. The only thing I’m interested in is the heart rate monitor. We’re on day three of wearing it full-time and I’m getting obsessed with checking on my heart rate.

Overall, I’m pleased with my resting heart rate. Averaging 55 bpm. Higher than it was when I was running, but I’m ok with that for now. The purpose of the monitor was so that I can ensure that I’m in zone 2 when walking/running to maximize building an aerobic base. Today was the first chance I had to see what happens while out on my power walk. Turns out, I can’t get into zone 2!

While walking (on flat ground) as fast as I can go without breaking into a jog, my heart rate hovered around 110-115. Based upon the various calculators I found, zone 2 for me should be 120-130 bpm. As soon as I started an extremely slow jog… my heart rate went to 135-140. It didn’t make any difference what I did – I couldn’t get to that 120-130 zone. I was always below or above.

Has anyone else experienced this? I’m not sure what to do. Would I be better off continuing with the fast power walk that’s below, or the extremely slow jog that’s too high? I consulted Dr. Google, but no luck. We’ll see what the heart rate trend is over the next few days.

While the original purpose of the Fitbit was so that I can monitor my heart rate, it has a bunch of other features that I had no interest in. That is, until I discovered the sleep tracking. I’ve had two nights with it now, and I’m amazed at how accurate it is. Both nights it pegged the time I went to bed and woke within +/- 5 minutes or so. How in the world does it know? Technology is amazing.

But now, I have a whole new set of numbers and stats to obsess over. My sleep scores are terrible. Heart rate and Sp02 are fine, but everything else is awful. I thought I was a good sleeper, but apparently not. I was not aware of something called the heart rate variability score. This is supposed to be an indicator of fitness. You want a larger (greater) variability in your heart rate. Meaning, while keeping the same total number of beats per minute, the time between each beat should vary. Mine the last two nights has been low. As in, bottom percentile for my age low. I guess I’m basically a metronome. I was perfectly happy with my sleep habits before, but now I’m going to worry each night about what the metrics are going to show in the morning.

It is now officially my mission to improve that number. I have no idea how, but I’m going to do it. I can see it already… six months from now I’ll be sleeping in a separate room that is specially climate controlled, sound deadened, and has all the electrical circuits shut off to remove any EMF messing with my circadian rhythm.

Maybe I shouldn’t have bought that Fitbit after all…

Cool, Diet, Health

Take This One Supplement

It’s funny how us humans seem to be predisposed to fall for the “one magic pill” syndrome. You know, the “eat this one food to lower your blood pressure” or “do this one exercise if you want tight abdominal muscles” sort of articles. I’m just as big a sucker as anyone else, even though I pride myself on being skeptical of… well, everything.

For example, just the other day I’d watched a podcast that talked about the importance of Zone 2 training. That’s the sweet spot for fat burning and building an aerobic base. Roughly 75% of your max heart rate. I’d forgotten I’d read an entire book on the subject at one time – “Training for the Uphill Athlete“. I immediately went out an did a fast power walk in the hills. I kept my pace to mostly just below starting to breathe heavily. I felt great when I was done and vowed to ensure I’m getting a minimum of three days a week of this type of exercise.

Me, being me, I immediately blew an hour researching heart rate monitors. Which are more accurate, chest straps or wrist/optical sensors? Should I just get a cheap Fitbit, or bite the bullet and get a dedicated running watch like the Garmin or Coros? After all, if I’m going to embrace the Zone 2 training I have to have a way to see what my actual heart rate is. Don’t I?

And then I came to my senses. At my level of conditioning, whether my heart rate is +/- 10 beats from whatever 75% of my max heart rate is will make zero difference. My conditioning is so far from what it was when I was running, anything I do is a benefit. An hour of effort at just below heavy breathing is close enough. When I’ve dropped weight and my cardio is sufficient to slow jog without breathing hard – then I’ll think about figuring out what my actual heart rate is.

I do this all the time to myself. I’ll see a YouTube video about some piece of exercise equipment and suddenly I have to have it. Meanwhile I don’t have the strength to do just basic bodyweight stuff or simple lifts with kettlebells. Some specialized piece of equipment isn’t going to magically make me stronger at this point. It’s like folks who spend gobs of money on carbon fiber this or that to shave grams off of their bicycles when you can just go lose a few pounds.

If you follow guys like Joe Rogan or Jocko, they’re always pushing various supplements for improved performance, brain function, strength gains, etc… I don’t disagree with the value of many of those things, but in most cases it’s tiny incremental improvements. That might make a big difference if you’re an athlete – but not much for the average person. You’ll make a bigger difference in how you feel by dropping the extra weight, eating real food, cutting the alcohol, getting stronger, and getting a good night sleep.

When you are at 15% body fat, running a respectable 10K time, and can crank out pullups and heavy deadlifts… then small incremental things make a difference. Until then, save your money.

P.S. In researching running watches, I stumbled upon the world of sleep trackers. The Whoop strap and Oura ring. Clearly my problem all this time has been not knowing how much time I spend in each sleep cycle. If only I knew that one simple thing, my training would improve exponentially! Researching now…

Health, Motivation

All-Cause Mortality Rates

“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”

― Arnold Schwarzenegger

Have I mentioned that I hate the gym? I’ve never liked it. It’s always been something that I half-heartedly do because I know I should. Some years I’m better at it than others, but it’s never been a real habit. I’ve been more diligent the last six months because I started seeing changes in my balance and coordination. But lately I’ve been slacking off due to my reoccurring stomach issues. It’s hard to be motivated to go lift heavy stuff when your stomach is all queasy. But yesterday I watched something that (hopefully) changed my mindset forever.

I stumbled on several podcasts by Dr Peter Attia and Layne Norton. They discuss many topics, but one of them was all-cause mortality and hazard ratios – the likelihood of you dying of something. A study was done of 122,000 people with an average age of 53. The study did a Vo2 max test on the subjects and ranked them into five categories – Low, Below Average, Above Average, High, Elite. The study then correlated mortality rates to the Vo2 rankings. The results shocked me.

Just improving from the Low category to Below Average was a 50% reduction in mortality over a decade. Improve to one more category, Above Average, resulted in a nearly 70% reduction in mortality! Being in the lowest category of Vo2 max carries a higher risk of mortality than coronary artery disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes. Wow.

I’m sure I always kinda knew that having a great cardiovascular system would be a good thing as you got older. But then they followed up with a very similar look at the correlation of lean muscle mass and mortality. Past age 70, the hazard ratio of having very little lean muscle mass is greater than smoking! It turns out falls are the greatest cause of accidental death in the last decades of life. As a nurse, I can attest to this. A fall resulting in a broken hip is a near certain death sentence within 6 months to a year amongst the elderly.

So, in a nutshell being weak, fat, and having low Vo2 max is a near guarantee of an early death.

Seeing this was enough for me. I dragged my queasy-ass stomach to the gym and picked up a bunch of heavy shit for an hour. And I’m going to do it again today. And I’m going to start maximizing my Zone 2 training. One of the things that was said in the podcast is that past age 60-65 you’re realistically not going to gain muscle. The best you can hope for is to maintain what you have. So in the decade before that your goal should be to pack on as much lean muscle mass as possible.

I’ve missed out on much of that window to build muscle and strength due to general sloth and love of nachos. But it’s not too late. Every single percentage gain in lean muscle mass I can make in the next few years is an additional hedge against that hazard ratio. It finally sunk in.

Every single day of doing nothing, sitting, not moving, watching TV, gaining weight – is subtracting a day from the other end.

Think about that. Is skipping being active today because you don’t feel like it, worth dying one day earlier? I calculated out, based upon living to age 85, how many weeks I have left. About 1,600. That’s not very much when you think about it that way. It’s time to maximize those weeks to ensure I have as many as possible.

Let’s roll.

Diet, Health

Keto Fixes Everything

A quick update on going back to keto. Ten days ago I wrote about being forced to return to the diet I have a love/hate relationship with. Because I have a medical reason to stay motivated, the transition has been relatively easy. It took two days to get back into ketosis (the body does remember, even after several years). I’ve been maintaining 1.2-1.4 mmol/L every day, with spikes to 1.9 mmol/L following exercise. I’ve dropped 11 pounds. All-in-all, a good start.

So that’s it, keto fixes everything right?

Ah… no. The stomach issues I’m dealing with are slightly better, but certainly not gone. I probably feel better because I’m not binge-eating chips, cheese, bread, and I’ve lost some weight. I’m not convinced food has been the source of my woes.

But, but, you lost weight with keto. Isn’t that reason enough to stay on it? Sorry, but keto didn’t cause my weight loss. You dump a bunch of water weight initially when you first get into ketosis. And… the magic of a caloric deficit. We went out to eat with friends and I had a burger, no bun, a small salad instead of fries, and iced tea instead of a beer. I’ve been eating breakfast and then skiing all day (every day) and not eating again until dinner. I’ve had a huge calorie deficit combined with daily high intensity exercise. It’s not rocket science.

So why bother? Just go back to eating carbs.

A few reasons. I made a commitment to stick with this for a month so I can legitimately tell my doctor if foods are contributing to my symptoms. Second, keto makes maintaining a calorie deficit easy. Independent of my gut issue, I need to drop another 20 pounds. At this point I’ll do what it takes to achieve that. If keto keeps me on track, so be it. The other big reason is that when in ketosis, I don’t have the major hunger pangs if I don’t eat. I can ski all day and not get that bonk feeling I would on a heavy carb-based diet.

But it’s hard, I admit. I turned down going to pizza with friends last night. I honestly didn’t think I’d have the willpower to sit in front of a steaming hot pizza and not indulge. I feel bad because friends and family are offering to change the food they serve to something I can eat. I appreciate it, but I don’t want others to have to change their eating habits for me.

I wish I knew why food discipline is so hard. We have an unopened bag of chips in the pantry, along with pretzels, and popcorn. I probably walked into that pantry ten times last night and stared at those forbidden items. Fortunately, I held out and opted for drinking a crapload of water. If I wasn’t worried about dropping out of ketosis… I guarantee I would have splurged.

So, keto it is. At least for a month. I have no idea what happens after that.

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

Facing A Challenge

Did you ever wonder how you’d manage if you faced true adversity? I always liked reading and watching inspirational stories of people struggling with seemingly insurmountable odds, battling the inner demons, and overcoming the challenge. The classic tale of the protagonist who suffers a terrible woodchipper accident. The montage of scenes showing the struggle of learning to walk again. Fighting a corrupt system that won’t give him the fancy new titanium prosthetic legs. The triumphant comeback to kick the winning field goal in the Super Bowl. Who doesn’t love a feel-good story like that?

How do you think you’d do in that situation? Would you be the hero or would you end up in a wheelchair, addicted to opiates, and yelling at all the nurses in your skilled nursing facility? I don’t know why, but I think about that. Knock on wood, I’ve never faced true adversity, so I don’t know how I’d react. But lately, I’m not sure I’d be the hero.

Health-wise, I’ve been pretty damn lucky. Not through any skill or effort on my part – just dumb luck and good genes. I’ve never really been injured. I didn’t seriously “exercise” when I was younger but managed to stay active enough to remain functional over the years. My weight and fitness fluctuated over time, but never horribly. Blood pressure, blood work, and general health markers have always been good. It’s rare that I get sick. I’ve been pretty fortunate. Until this last year.

I’m not sure what happened. Suddenly my weight ballooned up. Normally I’ve been able to tweak the diet, ride the bike a bit more and I’d be back to normal. It hasn’t worked this time. My balance and fitness level noticeably declined. Then I hurt my back this summer. That was a wake-up call. If you’ve been reading this blog for any time, you’ll know that I hired a trainer and worked hard to rehab. That’s gone great, and the back is stronger than it was before. So semi-protagonist-hero-mode. But it definitely made me grumpy being injured. I never thought I was a complainer, but that side of me suddenly appeared.

And now… I’ve been hit with a new health challenge. It’s been creeping up for a while and finally hit with a vengeance. Last week, for the first time, I had to pass on skiing with friends and hiking the dog. Several days were spent curled up on the couch, feeling sorry for myself. We’re still working through the process, but most likely we’re looking at some permanent lifestyle changes. In the long run it will probably be for the best anyway. But at the moment, it kind of sucks.

I’m left asking myself, how will I manage this pseudo-adversity? I haven’t done terribly well so far. Mrs Troutdog has been super supportive, but I know I’ve been quiet and grumpy. I thought I’d be the person that would be chipper and positive every day as we work through things, but I’ve trended more towards frustration and slightly depressed. So much for the hero protagonist.

In the grand scheme of things, this won’t stack up to be that big of a deal. Certainly not compared to woodchipper accidents. But I’ll admit, I was caught off-guard at how hard mentally it can be to deal with a slightly negative situation. I was sure I’d morph into hero mode when faced with making some minor changes. Instead, I sat on the couch for a week. I can’t imagine the strength it takes for people who face down truly serious adverse scenarios.

There’s a quote I like – “Life gives you what you settle for”. I can take something that ultimately will end up being a minor annoyance and turn it into a healthier lifestyle, or I can resent it and use it as an excuse not to do things.

I choose the former.