Category: Health

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

The Science Of Giving Up

The snow finally melted, the sun is out, and the trails are dry. Today was the first mountain bike ride since last fall. I loaded up the bike and got an excited dog in the truck and drove to the trailhead. Literally as soon as I got to the parking lot, the skies opened up and it started raining. Crap. I sat in the car for a full minute thinking oh well, guess I’ll have to ride tomorrow. Then I looked at my dogs face and didn’t want to disappoint him. I figured I wasn’t going to melt, so off we went.

Ooooh boy was I rusty. The balance wasn’t there. And it turns out, ski muscles are not the same as bike muscles. I was going pretty slow. This seemed like more work than I remembered. As I rode along, I started thinking about what route I wanted to take. There is a shorter loop and a longer loop.

I was already tired and being wet from the rain didn’t help my motivation. I started justifying to myself that there was no need to take the long loop my first ride out. It has a couple of steep climbs that I knew would hurt. I should probably get some shorter rides in before tackling the bigger one. Besides, it was the dogs first day out as well. No need to push him.

I got to the trail junction where I had to commit one way or another. I sat there for quite a while trying to decide. I really didn’t want to do those climbs. I watched the dog, trying to see if he seemed tired. What to do, what to do?

I listened to a podcast the other day that had two Navy seals talking about hell week. That’s the culmination of the first evolution trainees go through as prospective seals. A week of no sleep, little food, and nonstop physical training. Carrying logs, paddling boats in the surf, running, and never-ending pushups and pull ups – all while wet and sandy. There’s a massive attrition rate, which is the point of it all. Finding out who’s going to quit when things get really hard.

Anyway, the Navy guys said the interesting thing is that nobody quits during the hard stuff. They quit while on a break or after eating some food. Turns out your brain imagining what’s going to happen next and how you’ll feel is more powerful than enduring an exhausting exercise session. If you give your brain time to think, it’ll do everything it can to convince you to not do something it perceives as potentially unpleasant. I found that fascinating.

Long story short, I took the long loop. The rain stopped and the sun came out. I did ok on the climbs and the hound did just fine. It ended up being a good first ride. I got back to the car and was super happy I didn’t let my brain win the argument. It’s like going to the gym. I hate the gym and will come up with every excuse possible to convince myself to go tomorrow instead. And every single time I do go, I feel better and am happy I went.

So, this weekend – go take the long loop.

Daily Life, Health

I’m Bored

It doesn’t happen very often, but yesterday it did. It was the perfect storm of circumstances. The weather was nasty all day. It’s the winter that just won’t quit. It snowed heavy wet snow most of the day, then switched to rain. Everything is just a snowy, muddy, mucky mess. I didn’t have access to the computer I usually use to do photo/video editing. There weren’t any interior house projects to do. I managed to get the dog a short, wet, hike, but other than that, I didn’t go outside.

I was honestly bored.

The worst part of being bored is that it’s hard to shake the feeling. I sat down to try and write something at least a dozen times and… nothing. I couldn’t muster the energy to write a single word. I told myself I should go to the gym, and then I’d look out at the snowy/rainy mess and think – blah. I watched a few YouTube videos, but the recommendation algorithm just seemed uninspiring.

I finally sat down and read a book that’s not very interesting. I napped. I made coffee and read a few more chapters. And then repeated that for the rest of the afternoon.

That level of inactivity is soul crushing. It’s like a heavy weight that slowly presses down on you and keeps pressing harder the longer you sit. It sucks your energy and makes it harder and harder to get up and do something. The longer I sat, the less interest I had in moving. By 3pm, I probably could have just crawled in bed and been done for the day.

Sloth may be the most insidious of the seven deadly sins. It robs you of the desire to do anything. And sloth is exponential. With each hour, each day, the power of sloth increases, and it becomes harder and harder to break free. Diet, exercise, being creative, being successful – all are at the mercy of sloth.

“Sloth subverts the livelihood of the body, taking no care for its day-to-day provisions, and slows down the mind, halting its attention to matters of great importance. Sloth hinders the man in his righteous undertakings and thus becomes a terrible source of human’s undoing.”

Breaking free of the gravitational pull of sloth is the key to everything. What was Newton’s first law of motion? “An object at rest, stays at rest. An object in motion, stays in motion.”

Stay in motion.

Diet, Health

Yum, Fermented Milk

I had a follow up meeting this week with my gastroenterologist to discuss strategies to fix my gut issues. Two things jumped out at me from the discussion. The first was weight loss. The doc is a very fit guy who’s into brazilin jiu-jitsu. We’d been talking about diet, and he laughed and said, “these days I have to be careful about who I say this to, but losing just ten pounds would make a huge difference in how your gut feels”.

What struck me is not that I could lose some weight (I already know that), but that in today’s day and age he has to be careful about telling someone that. It’s sad that we no longer want to hear the truth. We want to be told to take this one pill and it will fix everything. In reality, we’d all be better off if doctors felt like they could freely tell their patients that they’re a disgusting fat-body and it’s time to do something about it. Unfortunately, that would offend our delicate sensibilities and someone would probably sue for damaging their self-esteem.

The second thing he said is that people don’t understand how long it takes to repair the gut microbiome when things go haywire. He felt it was going to take six months to a year to get back to normal. He said he laughs when people say they can remove a particular food or try a diet for a week or two and think it will do anything. Several months is the minimum to see real change. He said the gut is incredibly complex and we still don’t understand much about why it gets out of whack.

My official diagnosis is post-disease IBS. I contracted something at some point, and it threw my gut into a downward spiral. When we originally talked, I’d said Covid was the last time I’d been sick. He didn’t initially think that was the cause. When we met this time, he said he followed up with some research and studies are starting to show that Covid is having an impact on gut health. Interesting.

Anyway, as a part of repairing things we talked about foods and supplements I should be taking. Big amounts of protein, wheat dextrin fiber, yogurt with live cultures, and fermented foods like Kefir. I had to Google kefir. I’d seen it in the store but didn’t know what it actually was. It’s fermented milk. Uhhhh… I don’t know if I can do that.

When I was in my early twenties I worked at a restaurant. During my break I was in the habit of chugging one of those mini cartons of milk. One fateful evening, I grabbed a carton and started drinking it down like I was shot gunning a beer. The carton as almost empty before I realized the milk was… chunky. I ran to a garbage can and vomited up all that spoiled and curdled milk. I haven’t drunk milk since.

So you can see why I’d be a little hesitant to drink fermented milk on purpose. I think I’ll put that on the back burner for now. Besides, it turns out sauerkraut has the same benefits. I like sauerkraut. I like hot dogs. I could do a sauerkraut dog a day. What could go wrong with that?

Health

Pink Dumbbells

I bit the bullet and joined a regular gym. This will be a supplement to my garage gym when I’m away from home in a secret, undisclosed location. My home garage gym has quite a bit of non-traditional globo-gym equipment. Clubbells, slam balls, medicine balls, rings, kettlebells, etc… For better or worse, I haven’t been following a “normal” lifting program. My swinging heavy clubs and jumping around on plyo boxes has fixed my back pain but hasn’t done much towards traditional strength measurements. So in anticipation of going to the regular gym, I searched the interwebs and found a pretty basic globo-gym lifting program.

It’s what you’d expect – every other day schedule of pulling movements, another day of pushing heavy stuff, one day of legs, repeat. Armed with a list of what to do, I took a deep breath and walked into the gym. Luckily it wasn’t busy, or I probably would have turned right around and left. I’m self-conscious just in general, so a gym environment is one of the worse places to be. It’s hard to hide all the jiggly bits. I have to wander around to find the right machine and figure out how to use it. And worse of all, I usually have some steroid monster watching me having to reduce the weight on a machine down to 10-year-old girl levels.

Anyway, I started in on my new lifting routine. It went pretty well. I didn’t drop anything and felt like it sorta looked like I knew what I was doing. I started thinking, this isn’t bad. Why hadn’t I done this before? I finished the last set of an exercise and pulled out the phone to see what was next. Lateral raises. I knew this would be challenging. I have a messed-up shoulder that hurts 24×7. Not to mention the aforementioned lack of strength.

I really wasn’t sure how much weight I’d be able to use. The gym had huge stacks of dumbbells against one of the walls. They were fancy dumbbells, coated with a rubberized material – each weight size a different color. I started picking up weights and experimenting to see what I’d be able to lift with my jacked-up shoulder. None of them seemed right. After picking through every color I could see, I was down to the final one. A big pile of shiny pink dumbbells.

I picked one up and, son of bitch, it was the exact right weight. Pink. It had to be pink. I glanced around the gym and nobody was paying attention. Deep sigh. I grabbed the pink dumbbells and went over to a mirror to start my sets. As I worked through the reps, I started breathing harder. Grunting a little bit. As I said, my shoulder hurts, so I was having to push a bit to complete each set.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. I had an awkward grimace on my face. Sweat was dripping down my brow. And then the worst scenario for a self conscious gym newbie happened. A couple of younger, fit, gym-bros came to the station next to me and started loading up big time weight plates. There I am, huffing and puffing, horrible form, struggling to lift up my shiny pink dumbbells. Of course.

Not much I could do other than bravely finish my set and then do the walk of shame across the gym to put away my pink weights. Sigh.

Working out gets expensive when you now have to join a second gym where you won’t be recognized. I checked; they don’t have pink weights.

Daily Life, Health

Go Big Or Go Home

Today was a glorious day. It was the first night it didn’t freeze overnight. Sun. Clear blue sky. No wind. Snow has melted off all the roads. Birds are chirping and the chipmunks are going crazy trying to find their fall stashes. It’s hard not to be in a good mood with a spring day like this. So I decided to go for a run. Not a fast walk. I decided I would suck it up and actually run. It was the first time in two years.

It went about as well as expected. I felt like a gazelle for about two minutes. Then I realized my heart rate was maxed out, so I slowed down. I looked back and could still see the house. Well, that’s discouraging. I continued to plod along and ignored everything that hurt. I ran a route that I used to run way back when I thought of myself as a runner. All I remembered was that it was my “quick” route in town when the trails were too muddy. I managed to jog most of the way, but definitely had to walk from time to time. It took me a lot longer than I remembered.

By the time I got back to the house I was pretty tired. Once my heart rate slowed down, I checked the mileage. 4.6 miles. Hmm. That was probably a bit much for first time out of the gate. I guess my memory of mileage was a bit off. I’m going to pay for that tomorrow for sure.

Besides the beautiful spring day, why did I suddenly decide to go for a run? We have a new friend who’s in his early sixties. As we’re getting to know him, I just found out he’s a competitive bodybuilder. He frequently competes with guys twenty-plus years younger than him… and wins. We had a fascinating discussion about diet and workouts. He’s just about to go to a competition, so he’s just started his weight cut. It was hard to hear how easy it was for him to cut down to 8% body fat. He said, yeah I’m a little hungry but I have a formula that just works.

I found our talk really inspirational. If someone his age can do that, I have zero excuse. If he can have the rigor to work his job, workout at night, and dial in his bodyfat exactly where he wants it, I should be able to drop a few pounds and get my ass to the gym.

I found our talk super energizing. I counted calories all day yesterday and today. I went for a morning hike with the dog and then the run. We’re going to keep this momentum. If he can do it, I can do it.

After today’s bit of overdoing it with the run, getting out of bed tomorrow is going to hurt. Going to the gym is going to take some motivational self-talk. But we’re going to get it done. Go big or go home, right?

Daily Life, Health

I Can’t Sleep

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never really experienced insomnia before. I’ve always been an “early riser” and just accepted that was my circadian rhythm. I wake up early (typically 5-ish am) no matter what time I go to bed. Stay up too late and I’ll pay for it by being tired all the next day. It’s always been that way and I’ve just had to deal with it. But now I’ve been reading about sleep and am freaked out about how damaging lack of sleep can be. I have a Fitbit giving me nightly sleep scores. And lately… I’m waking up at 2:30-3:30 am every night and can’t get back to sleep.

I don’t know how to fix this. Mrs. Troutdog says not everyone needs eight hours of sleep. True, but you can’t function on an average of five hours a night. It’s what I’ve been doing for weeks now and I’m tired all the time. It’s hard to get through the day without a solid hour + nap. I try to read in the afternoon and my eyes won’t stay open. It’s frustrating.

I’ve stopped alcohol. No more caffeine in the afternoon. I exercise. I’m trying to keep the room cool and dark. I’ve started adding magnesium before bed. I have zero problem falling asleep. I’m out like clockwork within 5-10 minutes of going to bed. But at 3:00 am every morning… bing, eyes open up and it’s all over. Oh, I try to get back to sleep. I usually suffer through an hour-hour and half of tossing and turning. Hips will start to ache. Hot. I can’t get my arms comfortable. I’ll hyper focus on the slightest noise in the room. The thoughts in my head won’t shut off. I’ll lay there with my eyes closed for what seems like hours and then peek at the clock and five minutes went by. Somewhere around 4:00 am I give up and get out of bed.

It’s frustrating because I am tired. I don’t want to have to rely on a nap later to keep functioning. Mrs. Troutdog thinks I’m going to bed too early. My fear is that if I stay up later I’ll still wake up at the same time, just with fewer hours of sleep. At least a 9:00 pm bedtime gets me five-ish hours of sleep.

Am I not sleeping because I’m now hyper-focused on sleep, sleep research and the Fitbit sleep data? I don’t think I’m stressed. Nothing out of the ordinary has changed in my life. It’s a mystery why it’s gotten so bad lately.

Mrs. Troutdog has horrible sleep patterns and insomnia. Always has. She goes to bed in the wee hours of the night and then sleeps like the dead. She’d probably sleep until noon if daily life activities didn’t dictate getting up earlier. I’ve never had much sympathy for her late-night insomnia… until now.

So to all you insomniacs, do you just ride it out? Is it a phase that will pass? Do I start experimenting with different bedtimes? It’s so frustrating.

Or maybe I don’t need to do anything? Evidence shows that historically, humans often had biphasic sleep patterns. Also known as a “second sleep”. People went to bed early, then woke and performed chores, visited neighbors, etc… and then had their second sleep. For unclear reasons, this pattern began to disappear in the 17th-18th century. Maybe I just embrace it and plan on getting errands done at 4:00 am?

The other option is that I go the siesta route. I remember visiting Spain and being initially puzzled (in the smaller towns) why all the stores were closed for three hours in the afternoon. Everyone is busy taking a siesta after their midday meal. Rather than pretending to myself that I’m going to just “close my eyes for a few” most afternoons, maybe I just go all-in. Intentionally climb into bed and sleep a couple of hours.

I don’t know. I worry that anything I do is going to unintentionally reinforce a pattern. How do I fix this, or do I even need to try?

So… if you start seeing a flurry of random daily blog posts with topics all over the map in the next few weeks, it’s because I’m wandering around at 3:00 in the morning trying to figure out what to do with myself.

Health

A Record High Score

As mentioned in a previous post, I purchased a Fitbit almost a month ago. I only wanted a cheap way to see heartrate but discovered the sleep tracking feature and have been obsessed ever since. I thought I was a good sleeper. I tend to go to bed fairly early and always fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. I wake up pretty early, but figured that was ok since I go to bed early. Turns out the data shows that I’m a horrible sleeper.

I have yet to sleep eight hours. With a sleep scale from 0-100, I rarely crack the 70 mark, which is only considered “fair”. Most nights I’m sleeping 5.5 to 6.5 hours. My REM and deep sleep cycles average 45 minutes to an hour. That’s pitiful. It also partially helps explain why I constantly need a nap and always feel low energy.

It’s no secret that you need a good nights sleep. But we are also bombarded with sayings like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” and seeing Jocko’s daily 4:30 am Instagram post, shaming you to get up and work out. So just how important is a good nights sleep? Well, I just finished Dr Peter Attia’s book on longevity titled “Outlive”. I highly recommend it. He considers sleep the number two item to combat chronic disease (exercise is number one). He goes through great detail about why the REM and deep sleep cycles are so important. I’m sold. I am now fully convinced that I need to teach myself how to get a good nights sleep.

At my age can I really teach an old dog new tricks? I’m not sure. But… last night I scored my highest ever sleep score. I scored an 87 with 7 hours and 40 minutes of sleep. I was in REM for two hours and 10 minutes, deep sleep for an hour and 27 minutes. I don’t know what voodoo Fitbit does to figure this out, but the studies I quickly looked up show it’s reasonably close to an EEG test. Good enough for government work I figure.

I’ve noticed another few data points that are interesting. Specific to sleep there are two measurements it tracks – heart rate variability (HRV) and temperature. You want as high a variability as possible. Mine is pitifully low and probably reflects a poor overall level of fitness. Temperature shows how much your body temp drops from it’s baseline when you sleep (dropping is good). Here’s the interesting thing… when I drink alcohol, my HRV gets worse, and my body temperature rises instead of dropping. I knew that alcohol is not good for sleep – but I’d never seen it so dramatically illustrated. Not specific to sleep, but after a night of a handful of drinks, my resting heart rate goes up for much of the next day. Crazy how impactful it is.

I’m not sure how to improve my sleep score further. In my part of the world, it’ll soon be light until 10:30pm and light again at 7am. Starting at 2-3am every night the dog gets restless and starts going in and out of the room. A sleep mask would be too claustrophobic and runs the risk of being suprise attacked by zombies in the middle of the night. Ditto earplugs. It’s a challenge.

It’s a challenge I accept however. Among my many other goals this summer, I want to get to the point where I am regularly hitting the 8-hour mark for sleep and averaging high 80’s for a sleep score. My HRV needs to improve drastically, and my resting HR can stand to drop another 10 points.

It would be nice to not feel like I had to take a nap every day. It would be wonderful to pop out of bed and feel refreshed. It would be fantastic to not end up with dementia my last decade of life (poor sleep is one of the associated factors). Good goals to have.

Cool, Health, Motivation

End Of A Season

And just like that, it’s over. The last day of the ski season. It happens every year. Most years, by the end I’m kinda meh. Ready for golf and mountain biking. But not this year. This was a fantastic ski year for me. The snow was amazing – more powder days than I’ve ever had. And close to record levels of snow (global warming, of course). But it wasn’t just the conditions that made it great. I made a fundamental leap in my skiing ability this year.

Interestingly, it wasn’t my skill that improved – it was my confidence. Up to this point, I’ve often let fear control what sort of runs I ski down. I’d look at a line through the trees or a black diamond run on the map and manage to talk myself out of trying it. I’d spend most of the season skiing the same runs over and over. The only exception would be when I’d ski with someone better than me who’d assure me, I would have no problem skiing a new run or line. That would be the only time I’d try something unknown.

But something happened at the beginning of this season. After thinking about, contemplating, and worrying about a new area I’d wanted to try – I finally told myself, fuck it, we’re going to do it. What’s the worst that could happen? And sure enough, I had the skill to do it and had a blast. That boost in confidence opened up a whole new world for me.

All season long I’ve been on a mission to ski the entire mountain. Every time I tried a new line through the trees, I’d discover an entire new area I never knew existed. It’s been an absolute blast. Probably the most fun I’ve had skiing. And with each new run, my confidence soared.

I’m ending this season with the knowledge that I can ski the entire mountain (with some crazy exceptions involving cliffs and chutes). There isn’t any place I don’t have the confidence to go. It’s an amazing feeling. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not always pretty. There’s been a few lines that were more survival than skiing. But I got down. And there’s been a few yard sale wipeouts for sure. But I did it.

And now for the first time ever, I have goals for next season. I want to make that next big jump in ski ability. It’s time to move from average intermediate skills to expert. I’ve never before felt like that was possible for me. Now I do. If I work hard physically this summer to get ready, I’m sure I can make that leap in ski ability. The plan is to start next season in the best shape possible and take some lessons right away.

It’s exciting to have a new goal. Skiing has always been just something I do. I enjoy it, but it’s been routine for as long as I can remember. Like going for a hike. I enjoy it, but I certainly don’t get excited about it. This year changed it for me.

I finished my last day of the season with a powder day. Amazing to think we’re still having powder days in April. I spent my day skiing all my favorite lines. I tried one steep new line through the trees. I joked with a few of the lift operators. The resort was mostly empty, so I was often the only one on the run. It was quiet in the trees. Towards the end of the day the clouds rolled in, snow started falling, and visibility dropped.

I stopped halfway down my last run and just listened to the wind. I looked around at the mountains surrounding me and watched the snow falling. I’m grateful I live in a place where I can do this. I’m super stoked to see what I can accomplish next year.

205 runs and 298.1K vertical feet skied. It was a good season.

Health

A Vague Diagnosis

If you’ve been following along at home, you’ll know that I’ve been suffering from some odd stomach issues recently. Bothersome enough that I started down the path of seeing my regular provider who ran a bunch of tests and then referred me to a gastroenterologist. That spawned more consultation and tests. Finally, we recently did the thing with long tubes in multiple orifices and cameras. And the results are… mixed.

The gastroenterologist did find some things, but nothing that clearly explains everything that I’ve been feeling. I hate that vagueness. At least if you blow out your knee or break a bone it’s clear what the problem is, and you can construct a plan to repair things. With this stomach thing it’s a whole lot of you can try this, or this, and sometimes this works. Oh, by the way, this other thing sometimes helps.

I hate that. I want a pill, a surgery, or a specific food to avoid so I can get back to feeling normal. I don’t want a year of experimenting with Himalayan bee extract heated to exactly 98.7 degrees and only eating while reclined on my left side. I don’t have the patience for long term experimentation.

But alas, it’s now clear I’m going to have to become a gut health expert. I’m going to have to be a master of the microbiome. I will know more about poop than any single person should have to know. I promise to do my best not to become that person who chimes in with “helpful advice” anytime food is mentioned.

“I went to the most amazing BBQ place last weekend!”

“Well, you do know that the carcinogens from burning fat are 83% more destructive to your cellular mitochondria than drinking pure ethyl alcohol, right?”

If you ever catch me doing that, you have my permission to whack me upside the head with a 2×4. Meanwhile, excuse me while I go take my latest batch of supplements, medication, and fiber. Sigh…

Daily Life, Health

Things Will Calm Down

Every once in a while, you stumble across something that just makes you feel seen. As in, oh crap that’s me. This morning it was this:

“Adult life is saying to yourself ‘after this week, things will calm down a little’ over and over again until you die.”

This completely sums up my diet and fitness journey.

There are contractors coming to the house this morning. I have a long drive tomorrow. We still need to find a gift for that birthday party. It’s going to rain hard on Thursday. We have that dinner thing on Friday. I need to get the yard done. I can’t put off the oil change any longer. We leave on Monday for two days.

Once I get back, things will calm down and I’ll dive back into the diet and workout.

This is me most weeks. I’ll go two-three days of being consistent, and then something always seems to come up that throws things off.

Unless you live on a deserted island, completely unplugged… life will never “calm down”. I need to stop feeding myself that lie. The problem is that diet and fitness was never a routine in my life. It’s never been a priority.

It needs to be a rule that doesn’t get broken. It needs to be just part of who you are. I wake up, have coffee, and go for a run. Period. I go to the gym on my lunch break. No matter what. It’s just what I do. I play at some sort of sport every weekend. It’s the rule.

Paying attention to what I eat doesn’t feel natural. It’s always something that’s a change. “Starting Monday, I’m eating clean”. It feels forced because it’s not part of what I normally do. Same thing with exercise. Since it’s not part of my normal routine, it’s easy to abandon it when life gets busy.

Like brushing your teeth, it just needs to be a normal part of your daily routine. I wish this had been drilled into me as a kid. Changing your daily routine after twenty years is not easy. It’s no different than if you suddenly had to switch to working the night shift. Nothing about that change would feel normal. But eventually, it would.

The interesting thing about that analogy is that you’d find a way to do it because it was your job. You’d have to. The secret sauce to diet and exercise success is finding a way to tell yourself that this is your new job. Because without it, your long-term prognosis is poor.

It’s part of my new rules. I brush my teeth. I don’t leave dishes in the sink. The dog gets a run. I pay attention to what I eat. I get eight hours of sleep. I exercise. Life will just have to work around that.