Tag: Life

I’m A Little Lost

I am not a planner. I have a little routine I follow on work days, otherwise I wake up and see what the day brings. That’s it. The sum total of how I manage my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about it. It’s a pretty blessed, idyllic existence. I have lots of hobbies that I cycle through depending on the mood of the moment, never excelling or mastering any of them. I get the basic home maintenance/repairs done, but usually because something broke. It never dawns on me to be proactive for that sort of thing. I like the idea of travel, but get overwhelmed at the idea of planning something so I usually don’t get beyond the random surfing of the internet for two hours stage. I’m kind of a Labrador retriever. A bit goofy, dumb, and happy to do whatever happens in the moment. While it’s worked for all these years, it leaves me with a continual, nagging, feeling of unrest. I have the time and means. I have no excuses for not accomplishing more with my life.

If you’ve been following along at home, I mentioned yesterday that Mrs Troutdog and I made the decision to begin what she calls “divesting from work”. I changed to a part time status at my job. The purpose is to start laying the groundwork for what retirement will eventually look like for us. I sat down this morning and tried to think about what I want to accomplish with this additional time. And I got paralyzed. I literally don’t know what to do. Should I make a master list of house projects? Maybe I should review all my hobbies and set some goals and plans for just a few of them, rather than sucking at a lot of things? I should probably get a meal planning and shopping routine going and tie that to a regular exercise regime. Perhaps I should set some travel agendas, both weekends and longer trips and start figuring out the cost and logistics?

I want to make a change. Not because I’m unhappy, but because time keeps marching on. And that scares me. Left to my current habits, two years will go by and nothing much will be different other than I’ll have more time for random hobbies and no travel will have occurred unless someone else plans it. I’m not satisfied with that, but struggle because I don’t know how to change – but also because I’ve never seriously tried.

I did quite a bit of reading of ‘self help’ type of blogs this morning and the consensus seems to be that you have to create a routine and you have to write down plans. The routine is both the simplest and hardest to get done. If it was that easy I’d be working out every day. But it’s clearly the foundation for everything else, so I will create a routine (this sounds suspiciously like a New Years resolution). The planning seems harder to me. I’ve tried the Bullet Journal in the past. I really enjoyed the process of setting it up… but after a few weeks I get tired of updating it and it fades away. I need a way to put down on paper (figuratively, I’m an electronic kinda guy) what I want to accomplish. Maybe I’ll just resurrect the Bullet Journal. I’m open to ideas if someone has something else that works for them. I need a way to see broad categories of things we want to do. Motorcycle trips, weekend sightseeing trips, big overseas trips. Do I want to investigate photography classes or work on my pitiful YouTube channel? Are there training goals for running or golf or skiing? I need to have a way of looking at that big list of things and then map that to a calendar. If I don’t put it on a calendar it likely isn’t going to happen.

This is a good problem to have. But it’s ridiculous that I’m so paralyzed by it. It’s also why I’m not a fabulously successful CEO. One of the problems with aging is that it suddenly dawns on you how little time you really have left. What do I want to do with that remaining time? I do know I don’t want to feel like I’ve wasted it. Interestingly, all of this started with a text message from Mrs Troutdog with a link to a travel video of Wyoming and saying she thinks she wants to travel the US by motorcycle. I’m truly blessed to have a partner in life who’s willing to think out of the box and take risks. She got the ball rolling, but I feel it’s on me to keep the momentum going. It’s an exciting time and also a bit scary. Changing how you’ve lived your life the last twenty years feels… challenging. In a good way.

I will now probably spend the rest of the day making lists and watching YouTube videos about living off the grid in Belize in a Sprinter van.

Are You A Badass?

Cool things, random thoughts, advice, and independent thinking from someone who’s been around the sun a few times.

  • I stumbled on this clip and it made me smile. I see this a lot with my elderly patients. Talk to them for a bit and you’ll often realize they did some badass shit in their day. Makes our current generation of kids look pretty weak. When your family looks back at your life are they going to say, wow my grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle was really cool or a badass? Why not? You’re only here once, may as well make the most of it.
  • I don’t care if you’re left or right leaning, take a moment to watch this monologue from Tucker Carlson. I’ve said it many times before, what the media did to this country is disgusting. The fact that your entire worldview is dependent upon what channel you watch should be frightening. The Hunter Biden laptop story is the perfect example. Actual proof that the next president at minimum lied about his involvement with his son’s business dealing with China and may have financially benefited. Maybe it was all innocent, but certainly serious enough it should have been vetted by the press. When the story came out I started checking the The Hill, Politico, CNN, and MSNBC each day leading up to the election. The story did not appear on any of their sites. Not once. The deliberate spiking of a legitimate story by “journalists” because it might harm their candidate of choice. Twitter actually censored and blocked the NY Post over it. That should frighten you.
  • Speaking of elections, it certainly looks like Trump’s goose is cooked. All the hand waving, tweets, and bad press conferences… and nothing. We have yet to see anything resembling evidence of fraud. Could we see something still? Sure, I suppose. Not going to hold my breath. Was there significant fraud? I personally think so. Unfortunately like the mythical Durham report, it’ll be three years before some report gets released to a senate committee we’ve never heard of. At the rate we’re going, the next presidential election will be via a twitter poll. What could possibly go wrong?
  • I’m terribly impressed by this short little clip of a close inspection. I can’t imagine how much practice it takes. Then again, I’ll manage to drop a fork, spill my drink, and trip over the dog just walking to the dinner table.
  • I made a silly little video about my paralyzing indecision regarding what motorcycle to buy. I literally flip flop every week. Last week I’d decided the little dual sport was the right choice. This week after seeing some travel web sites and thinking about badassery, I’m back to the big adventure bike and getting out to travel and explore. At least I have the rest of the winter to agonize over the decision.

Song of the day: Jimi Hendrix “Voodoo Child”

Groundhog Day, Again

Cool things, random thoughts, advice, and independent thinking from someone who’s been around the sun a few times.

  • Everyone has their own version of Groundhog Day. Some issue that keeps returning time and time again. Mine is this blog and posting creative content to the social medias. My last post was the end of December and after that I started asking myself why? (again)  What’s the point of writing and posting? I’m not angling to become a columnist or make a living with an award winning blog. Same with photography or YouTube videos. I love the creative part, but then ask myself why bother?

    Each time I post a picture or a silly video, if I don’t aggressively promote it to Facebook, etc… it will get a couple of likes or views (or none). But I don’t like the idea of promoting myself because then it makes me feel that I’m only doing it for the vanity of clicks and likes and views. That’s not me. But like the tree falling in the forest, if I post a picture or a bit of writing and nobody sees it… what’s the point?

    Yes, I know that all the creative advice stresses that you need to be creating for yourself. If you enjoy it that’s all that matters. If other people happen to see it and like it, then it’s icing on the cake.

    What prompted this is that out of the blue someone followed this blog the other day. It surprised me since I hadn’t posted anything in so long. It instantly sparked a feeling of enthusiasm towards writing simply because someone cared enough to read what I wrote. Let’s be honest, everyone likes validation of their efforts. Being creative, whether it’s writing, photos, or video is a time commitment. And time is not something I have a huge abundance of. So why am I doing it and should I bother continuing? Sigh… my Groundhog day.

  • In other news, I took up skate skiing. I thought that I was reasonably coordinated and in ok shape – I should be a wiz at this. I got humbled very quickly. It’s hard. As in I can’t go more than a couple hundred yards without stopping to get my heart rate down. I’m sure it’s because I have zero technique and need to invest in some lessons quickly. But… I’m loving it. I’ve even given up some epic downhill days in favor of skate skiing. What’s wrong with me?
  • The impeachment clown show is the end result of the horrible divide in the country right now. This is a partisan hack job of the worst sort by both sides. What worries me the most is that it creates a precedent for any single party control of the legislative branch to remove a president for any reason because the minority won’t have the votes to stop it. That has the executive branch serving at the will of the legislative branch – and I’m pretty sure that’s not what the founders had in mind. If you see this any other way you’ve already been sucked into the biased vortex of whatever mainstream cable news outlet you follow. Do you really think any of these politicians from either side care one tiny bit about you? No – it’s about power and fundraising. Don’t be naïve.
  • I’ve been off the Keto wagon for a while. In support of Mrs. Troutdog, I’ve gone back on. Re-breaking the carb addiction is hard. I’m pretty well fat adapted and it only took a couple of days to be back in ketosis. Unfortunately I’m having dreams about baked potatoes, bread, and rice. The addiction is real.
  • I had a TBI patient who was unpleasant, aggressive, and spent most of the day yelling and cursing the clinical staff. In the midst of yelling every curse word he could think of at me, he stopped and said “You have really nice hair”. So I have that going for me. Hey, at my age the fact that I still have hair is a bonus.

Song of the day: “Don’t doubt ur vibe” Emo G Records (a.k.a. Elon Musk. Yes, that Elon Musk)

Notions Of Cool V.018

A random list of things and shower thoughts that an old Gen X dude finds cool or worth pondering.

  • This is a perfect example of what’s wrong with news today. I like to think I’m reasonably plugged in… and I had absolutely no idea this happened last week. 1000+ people dead and 1.5 million at risk of water-borne disease or starvation. Meanwhile, Bob in Ohio was outraged at something someone said. We have a fantastic panel to discuss…
  • A neat video about cycling. I couldn’t do it, but a great reminder that we’re only here once. If you get hit by a bus tomorrow, are you happy with what you’ve seen and done?
  • Speaking of bikes, my town is installing this in one of the downtown parking garages. Yay for bicycle friendly!
  • Jim Acosta is the very definition of douchebag. I get it, he generates equal love and hate traffic. And yes, there are Acostas on all sides of the political spectrum. Sad that this has become the new norm for “news”.
  • I did not hit my weight target this week. It’s mostly meaningless… just a goal. Next week for sure.
  • Bullet Journal update: it went strong for a month, then faded. I still like the idea. I resolve to resurrect the habit.
  • A patient was unhappy with his diabetic menu choices, so his wife brought him Burger King and a supersize chocolate shake. When his blood sugar was 320 he was shocked. He was actually angry and accused us of giving him some “pill” that was making his blood sugar go up. It was a battle to convince him I had to give him insulin.
  • “This will be your favorite patient. Super nice and rarely calls for anything”. Sadly as a nurse, I hear that in report maybe once every three or four weeks. The vast majority of the hospital population are grumpy, sour, demanding people. They’re also in the worst possible health – much of which is due to lifestyle choices. I see a clear correlation between your upbringing, mental attitude, emotional stability, and overall health outcomes. It’s not rocket science, but it’s striking when you see it in front of you every day.
  • My internet went down for approximately 7 minutes today. It was a terrifying vision of the pending zombie apocalypse.

Song of the day: Charlie Feathers, “That certain female”

Notions Of Cool V.001

A random list of things and shower thoughts that an old guy (who still thinks he’s 20) finds cool or worth pondering.

  • YouTube has ruined my attention span. 3-5 minutes max. Beyond that and I’m fast forwarding or moving on.
  • Filed under toxic masculinity, the Kelly Turnbull series by Kurt Schlichter is worth a read. An almost comical parody of the left that’s too much at times, but Turnbull is a good modern day Dirty Harry.
  • Biolayne is a meathead, bodybuilder, powerlifter who has a PhD. Great channel for breaking down the science behind diets, etc…
  • I just re-watched the Matrix trilogy. The first one… amazing. The next two, meh.
  • Greta Van Susteren is a journalist that never connected with me back when she had her own big time show. Stumbled on her Twitter and she’s surprisingly balanced.
  • I went skiing yesterday and was scared to go down through a new route in the trees because it was foggy and I couldn’t see. I’m still mad at myself for being such a sissy boy. What was the worst that could happen?
  • Ann Coulter is correct. Trump signing the spending bill was the death blow to his presidency. He just gave Pelosi all the power.
  • I wasted an hour debating to buy a small carry-on wheelie or a minimalist travel backpack. I’m still paralyzed. I rarely travel.

Song of the day: Legalize The Herb (no, I don’t smoke other than the occasional cigar)