If you’ve been following along at home, you’ll know that I’ve been suffering from some odd stomach issues recently. Bothersome enough that I started down the path of seeing my regular provider who ran a bunch of tests and then referred me to a gastroenterologist. That spawned more consultation and tests. Finally, we recently did the thing with long tubes in multiple orifices and cameras. And the results are… mixed.

The gastroenterologist did find some things, but nothing that clearly explains everything that I’ve been feeling. I hate that vagueness. At least if you blow out your knee or break a bone it’s clear what the problem is, and you can construct a plan to repair things. With this stomach thing it’s a whole lot of you can try this, or this, and sometimes this works. Oh, by the way, this other thing sometimes helps.

I hate that. I want a pill, a surgery, or a specific food to avoid so I can get back to feeling normal. I don’t want a year of experimenting with Himalayan bee extract heated to exactly 98.7 degrees and only eating while reclined on my left side. I don’t have the patience for long term experimentation.

But alas, it’s now clear I’m going to have to become a gut health expert. I’m going to have to be a master of the microbiome. I will know more about poop than any single person should have to know. I promise to do my best not to become that person who chimes in with “helpful advice” anytime food is mentioned.

“I went to the most amazing BBQ place last weekend!”

“Well, you do know that the carcinogens from burning fat are 83% more destructive to your cellular mitochondria than drinking pure ethyl alcohol, right?”

If you ever catch me doing that, you have my permission to whack me upside the head with a 2×4. Meanwhile, excuse me while I go take my latest batch of supplements, medication, and fiber. Sigh…