Tag: Weight Loss

Daily Life, Diet, Government, Health

Are You Sure You Want To Ban That?

It’s the buzzing that I hate the most. The ridiculous LED bulbs I’m required to have makes my tinnitus worse and they flicker in a weird way. We live in a hundred year old house with older non LED compliant dimmer switches and wiring connections that I’m sure aren’t the best. Good old incandescent bulbs worked just fine. Unfortunately the Bush administration decided that in the name of energy efficiency the federal government would ban incandescent light bulbs. An incandescent bulb costs something like .60 cents a day to operate. If I can afford it, why can’t I use whatever type of lightbulb I want? Clearly the government knows better than you. Besides, we have to save all those watts for the mandated electric vehicles we’re dumping on the grid.

Plastic bags. Straws. Vehicle auto-stop. Light bulbs. The government loves to regulate things. The federal register for 2024 is over 100,000 pages. They’ve added over 3,000 new regulations just this year. Every single physical object you encounter in your daily life is impacted by some sort of regulation. Either how it’s manufactured, shipped, packaged, sold, or used is regulated by the government.

As a certified contrarian and libertarian-ish small government person, I want the least regulation possible. I don’t want big brother deciding for me what sort of light bulb I can have. Should the government impose some regulations? Of course. Preventing Walmart from selling schedule one narcotics is probably a good thing. Keeping heavy industrial chemicals out of our waterways makes me happy. The problem is that regulations are a slippery slope. You start with good intentions and the next thing you know you have ridiculous EPA mandated plastic gas can spouts that nobody can operate. (I’ve spilled way more gas filling my lawn mower with those stupid spouts than I ever did with the old school ones)

Mrs Troutdog and I had a discussion about this last night in the context of RFK Jr. and banning “poisons and toxins” from our food. She’s all for it. MAHA all the way. Fuck that yellow dye number 5. She was not pleased that I didn’t agree. My argument is that you need to be careful what you wish for. The law of unintended consequences is always a factor.

Take RFK Jr’s desire to force soda companies to remove high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) and go back to “regular” sugar. Sugar sweetened coke (Mexican coke) has more calories and more sodium. Is that really what you want? Do you really think people consuming multiple sodas a day are worried about HFCS? If you think I need to be protected from HFCS, what’s next? There is no dose of alcohol that’s healthy. Alcohol has a higher health cost to the nation each year than drinking soda and HFCS. Should we ban alcohol? How about tobacco? Apples contain cyanide. Time for an apple ban? Perhaps we should mandate maximum serving sizes at restaurants? Nobody is allowed to serve more than 800 calories per plate. Why is Starbucks even allowed to sell a 600 calorie Frappuccino? So sorry Dunk’n Donuts, your time is up. Americans are fat and unhealthy, so clearly we can’t be trusted to make our own health decisions. It’s time for big daddy government to step in.

I celebrate the idea of a secretary of HHS promoting a healthy lifestyle. I’m all in. But do it via aggressive information campaigns and labeling, not bans. Especially not bans based upon sketchy pseudo science. (I’m looking out for you maligned seed oils)

You can’t be protected from everything. Sometimes humans intentionally make bad choices. We drink. We smoke. We eat too many calories and don’t exercise. We don’t wear our seatbelts. There isn’t a single person in this country who thinks any of those things are good for us, yet we do ’em anyway. So the question is how much should the government protect us from ourselves?

In a perfect world we’d go back to foods that have been completely stripped of any type of preservative, additive, coloring, and flavoring. No hormones, antibiotics, or pesticides. 100% natural everything. Cook the way our grandparents did. Combined with limiting portion sizes and exercise, we’d be a healthier nation for sure. But here’s the dirty little secret – you can already do that today. You control the products you choose to buy. You decide how much processed food you consume. If you can afford it you can source all your food from local farms and shop at Whole Foods exclusively. Cook everything from scratch. It’s entirely in your control to drink only natural spring water from recycled glass bottles. If you think HFCS sweetened beverages are unhealthy… then don’t drink them.

I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure if you’re consuming enough Fruit Loops to reach toxic levels of yellow dye number 5 you have other diet and health problems. Government bans aren’t going to save you. Arm people with information and knowledge, encourage healthy behavior, reward the health care system for promoting preventative strategies… then get out of the way.

People will make bad choices. Darwin always finds a way to thin the herd. I’m ok with that. But if Secretary Kennedy steps in and messes up the taste and color of my Cheez-It crackers, I’m going to be pissed.

Daily Life, Diet, Health

It’s A Problem Of Volume

The numbers are just depressing. But because of those pesky laws of thermodynamics, you can’t escape them. You can’t cheat them. The numbers don’t lie. One pound is 3,500 calories. To lose one pound a week you need to create a 500 calorie deficit every day. That’s it. No more or less complicated than that. Create the deficit and you lose weight. Go over and you gain. Simple, right?

The depressing part is that we’ve lost all sense of volume. While the internet has convinced you that seed oils are the devils work, the real problem is that you and I have no real concept of how many calories we consume. Our serving sizes have become ginormous. When you see what an actual serving size is, it no longer looks like it’s enough food. I’d still be hungry if that’s all I ate!

I start every morning with the full intention of tracking exactly my caloric intake. For example, this morning I resolved to eat a much smaller breakfast than normal. I made three scrambled eggs with a little bit of cheese and some avocado. Healthy, right? When you measure out the actual amount of cheese I used and factor in the butter I put in the pan, my breakfast was 800 calories. That’s approaching almost half of my daily calorie budget to hit my calorie deficit. Like I said, depressing. Because of that breakfast volume, I can now only have a small piece of steak and some broccoli for dinner. That will give me just enough calories to include a protein shake mid-day. That sucks.

Oh sure you can buy yourself some extra calories with exercise, but not enough to make up for the volume we normally eat. A three mile walk or a strength training session in the gym burns maybe a couple hundred calories. It gets you a little room in the calorie budget, but not much.

I live in a state of perpetual food guilt. I have a constant mental running total of roughly how many calories I think I’ve eaten. I bargain with myself all day long. I’ll eat this protein bar or half cup of skinny pop popcorn now, and then I’ll eat only half the steak tonight. I’ll have a beer with dinner, and I’ll just skip breakfast tomorrow to make up for it. It’s gotten to the point that I dread the idea of going out to dinner with friends. A restaurant menu is now just a list of things I can’t eat. It’s mentally exhausting and leads to never ending cravings. I don’t know what the answer is.

That’s not true – I know what the answer is, I just can’t seem to get there. For me, it’s an issue of activity. Being busy. When I was at my thinest I worked three 12 hour shifts in a row. I chose to eat only one meal a day on workdays. It worked because as a nurse I was so busy during my shift there was no time to think about food. I left the house at 06:30 am and got home at 8:00 pm and sprinted all day. It was easy to ignore hunger. I ate a massive meal when I got home, but it was still probably only 1200 calories at most. That gave me my weekly deficit. On my off days I was crazy active and busy. Trail running and mountain biking every day. I was too busy to think about food.

Now I’m home all day and for various reasons I have not been as active. Oh sure I do an activity almost every day – skiing, a workout, or a hike with the dog. But not with the intensity I used to. And I’m left with a lot of time to think about the pantry and fridge. Wondering what I can cut out tonight so I can have a bowl of popcorn now.

So it’s clear that I have some problems to solve. The first is to get a handle on exactly how many calories I’m consuming. It’s time for at least a few weeks of weighing and measuring everything. I need to understand portion size and stop eyeballing volume. I should probably meal prep, but that just sucks. I might need to resort to a pre-made, calorie controlled meal service. Anything to keep the volume in check.

Second, and probably most important, I need to find a way to get busy again. Out of the house and away from the fridge. A day full of activities so I’m not thinking about being hungry. Truly a first world problem.

It’s crazy how powerful the food addiction is. Any addiction, I suppose. The moment you decide to tackle the problem, your brain goes into overdrive and decides to remind you all day long of the very thing you’re trying to quit. Breaking that cycle of thinking about and craving something is one of the hardest things to do mentally.

So, we’re ready to start a new week. As the old saying goes, “If it can’t be measured, it can’t be managed”. Weighing and measuring everything.

Meanwhile, I’m off to a family Sunday brunch and trying to ignore all the food. Sigh. How did we get to this point?

Daily Life, Lists

A January Progress Report

A quote came out of a podcast I recently watched with Theo Von (one of my new favorites) and Tony Robbins. Tony said (paraphrasing), “It’s not about positive thinking. Whats wrong with the world will always be available. Whats right with the world is also always available. It’s about which one you choose to focus on, because your brain will automatically delete the other one.” I like that. I find that one of the main drivers of my mood is the news. I think news is fundamentally predisposed to focus on what’s wrong with the world. When I spend too much time consuming events of the day, I am a more negative person. When I go skiing or for a bike ride, I’m more positive. Go figure.

So of the things I told myself I wanted to do better at this year… I’m not doing as well with staying away from the news. I’m a junkie. It’s like watching a car wreck. I can’t tear my eyes away. I need to work on that. While we’re on the subject of yearly resolutions, here’s how I’m doing so far with the other thoughts I had about making improvements:

  • I gave myself a goal of no alcohol until I hit a certain weight. Been six weeks, so doing well. Struggling right now because part of me says that life is too short to not enjoy a beer with friends from time to time. But I do feel better and have lost some weight. Not sure if I can hold out until the weight goal.
  • Speaking of weight, it is improving. More slowly than I’d like, but at least it’s the right direction. I don’t eat horribly, but volume is my main culprit. Other than alcohol I really haven’t changed anything. What this showed me is that up until last spring, exercise was the only thing keeping my weight in check. I went into sloth mode and the weight skyrocketed. If I can kickstart the exercise again and work on the volume a little bit, I’m confident the weight will return to a happier place.
  • I’ve implemented a few things from Dr. Huberman’s “morning routine”:
    • Sunlight first thing in the morning. I’m using a UV light (it’s dark for hours when I wake up) and I actually think this makes a difference. I will continue this practice.
    • Delay caffeine for 60-90 minutes upon waking. Nope. Maybe I’ll try again at some point, but noticed zero difference.
    • Drink two large glasses of water upon waking with added sodium. I was already drinking one. Two, plus the coffee is just too much liquid first thing in the morning. I stopped the sodium because I think it was making me retain fluid.
    • Switched to tea instead of coffee. I’m not sure I notice a difference, but I’m liking tea. I’ll probably flip back and forth. I think I’ll try the pour-over coffee method and see how that goes.
  • I’ve been struggling with sleep for quite some time. I fall asleep just fine, but wake at 3-4am and that’s it. Falling back asleep isn’t an option. I tried magnesium (again at Dr. Huberman’s suggestion). Not sure I can tell any difference. If I had to guess it’s more related to activity level during the day than anything. Sloth mode all day and I sleep like crap. Go figure.
  • I’ve been religiously tracking sleep stats with my Fitbit. I’ve been especially interested in HRV, since everyone says that zero alcohol will massively improve it. I’ve noticed a tiny improvement, but nothing to write home about. Maybe I’m too old at this point to make a big change?
  • I declared I was going to make an effort to stop dressing like a homeless teenager. I now have a pair of decent everyday boots and just ordered five well fitting shirts. There was an experiment with a vest that we won’t talk about. Not fashion related, but I also bought my first pair of really good ski pants. Retiring the three year old Costco ski pants that aren’t waterproof is a good thing, given the amount of skiing I do. I declare good progress on this resolution.
  • I said I wanted more spice in my food. There’s a bottle of Sriracha sauce in my fridge I’ve used once. This needs work.
  • I wanted to make music more of a priority. Zero progress. I need to do two things. First, curate my play list so that I want to listen. Second, find more opportunity to listen to music. Right now music only happens when working out… which is not often enough.
  • I told myself I was going to ride the bike this year. A lot. I’ve done… ok. Ridden maybe a half-dozen times in January. Not bad considering it’s single digits and snow on the ground. A friend just bought a Peloton and I somewhat mocked him for it. “Real” cyclists find a way to ride outside, right?. While we’re in the midst of winter, the back of my brain is now wondering if I’d use a Peloton?
  • One of my never ending goals is to be more creative. For the first time ever, I sent out one of my photos to be printed. We’re waiting for it to come back. Good or bad, hopefully this is the spark needed to start creating again.
  • And lastly, I wanted to make travel a priority this year. Mrs Troutdog and I continue to be at an impasse as to how to travel. Fortunately the country is in an icy death grip at the moment, so travel isn’t much of an issue. I expect this issue to heat up as time goes on. Stay tuned.

So there we are. I’d give myself a B- so far. I’m actually making an effort to make some changes, which is probably the most important part. Not a lot of change so far, but hey it’s only January. By the end of February I might be a fashionable, picture taking, music lover riding a Peloton and eating spicy ramen. You never know.

Cool, Daily Life, Motivation

Ready To Start Over?

I am a collector of cheesy sayings, quotes, and memes. When I read or hear a good one I write it down. Occasionally I’ll hang one in the bathroom like my framed “Live Laugh Love” poster. Sometimes I’ll make them into Twitter/X posts, sometimes blog posts (are these things still called blogs?). More often than not they get deleted or forgotten, just like your New Year resolution. However yesterday I saw one that I couldn’t resist. It ticks all the boxes; cheesy, inspirational, and true. So if I had to read it, so do you. Ready?

“The count is zero when you wake up”

Did you have a bad day yesterday? Doesn’t matter because the count resets every morning. Did you set a personal deadlift record yesterday? Doesn’t matter because the count reset this morning. Is some weird intrapersonal drama going on at work? Doesn’t matter because the count starts at zero today. In other words a zero count every morning is a less cheesy and lame way of saying every day is a new day.

Unless you’re a Hamas commander who just had a 500 pound JDAM drop on you – then your count definitely does not reset.

I really needed to re-read this saying today. Why? I’ve had zero alcohol for over a month. I’ve worked out at least three days a week. I’ve been both downhill and cross country skiing multiple times. I’ve been riding my bike on the greenbelt. I’ve skipped all deserts and feel like I’ve been paying attention to what I’m eating. I initially saw a seven pound weight loss.

This morning I stepped on the scale and I gained four pounds.

Shit. I didn’t drink all through the holidays and kept away from the buffet table and still gained weight. What’s the point? I might as well have that evening cocktail if I’m going to gain weight anyway. It’s very depressing.

Sigh. Deep breath. The count is zero when you wake up. Today we start over from scratch. I don’t know what the answer is, but we will find a way to make this weight loss work. Yesterday or the last month doesn’t matter. Calories have been too high and protein too low. Step count and workout intensity have been half-assed.

We can fix this and turn the ship around. There was a mantra I’d mutter to myself back in the trail running days when things started to hurt – it’s mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

It’s not whether you fall down, but if you get back up. Ok, ok, ok. I’ll stop with the cheesy sayings. You get my point. Go out and do the thing today.

And remember, always drink upstream from the herd (sorry, couldn’t resist). What’s your cheesy saying for the day?

Diet, Health, Motivation

I Used To Be…

We were hanging with friends the other day and one of them said she wanted to do a four-peak hiking challenge this coming year to get back in shape and improve health. She wanted to know if I’d be willing to do it with her so we could motivate each other. It only makes sense that she’d ask me because I am descended from Vikings. I am a Norseman! My ancestors fought in the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, and across the Old West. I come from hearty outdoorsman stock. I am practically Daniel Boone and Davey Crocket, reincarnate.

As a former trail runner who had no problem knocking out an 8-12 mile run in the mountains, I looked at the list of peaks and thought no big deal. Yeah, I’m not in shape at the moment but give me a few weeks and I’ll be back in form. After all, I’m a trail runner/mountain biker/backpacker/motorcyclist who’s comfortable in the mountains. Except that I’m not. I used to be… This year, more than any other, the reality of living in the past has hit me hard. I used to do all kinds of athletic things. I used to be in pretty good shape. I used to run and mountain bike and ski. The reality is that it’s been at least three years since that was true.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that this has not been my favorite year. Was it challenging because of my weight and fitness? Or did my weight and fitness being in the crapper make the year a struggle? Chicken and egg, I suppose.

It’s hard to admit Father Time has caught up with you. I haven’t bounced back from surgery like I thought I would. I went skiing a few days ago and my legs were destroyed in just a few runs. I’m super sore after workouts – I tell myself it’s because I had surgery, but deep down I know it’s because I haven’t been doing anything for a long time.

It’s clear I’ll never been Davey Crocket again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a “real” mountain biker or trail runner again. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be massively better than I am now. I’m not sure my joints could take running at this point. But I bet I can be a damn good hiker again. It’s doubtful I’ll ever descend or ride the bike at race pace again, but I bet I can get back to being a good climber and endurance rider for my age.

As we get ready for the new year, I feel good about ’24. For some strange reason, the last time I lost a bunch of weight and got in shape, I decided to start during the holidays. Arguably the worst possible time to try and watch your diet and exercise. When I made it through the holidays and kept up with my diet goals, I felt proud of myself and energized to keep it going.

Oddly, I’ve done the same thing this year. I didn’t mean to, and had forgotten that this was the same timeframe I started the last go ’round. Something snapped in my head after Thanksgiving and I said to myself, we’re done with drinking calories and we’re going to pay attention to diet. I’ve managed to avoid the typical binges during holiday parties so far and feel good.

So we’re doing better with diet and we have a physical challenge with four peaks to work towards. I feel like 2024 is going to be the change I needed.

As I was talking to my friend about getting ready for hiking, I mentioned how important working on balance was. As I thought about my own advice, I decided I needed a balance goal to work towards. So I decided to learn a new skill for ’24 to challenge myself and work on balance.

It’s a move on the bike called a “manual”. If you’re a kid it’s probably no big deal. At my age, I think it would be a significant achievement. I see some tumbles in my future, but as long as I don’t break a hip it’ll be worth it.

So there we go. We’re going to move on from remembering what I used to be, and instead focus on what I can be. Damn, that’s poetic. Almost T-shirt worthy.

So Merry Christmas, Chanukah, Festivus, or whatever it is you celebrate. Let’s make 2024 a good one!

Health, Motivation

All-Cause Mortality Rates

“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”

― Arnold Schwarzenegger

Have I mentioned that I hate the gym? I’ve never liked it. It’s always been something that I half-heartedly do because I know I should. Some years I’m better at it than others, but it’s never been a real habit. I’ve been more diligent the last six months because I started seeing changes in my balance and coordination. But lately I’ve been slacking off due to my reoccurring stomach issues. It’s hard to be motivated to go lift heavy stuff when your stomach is all queasy. But yesterday I watched something that (hopefully) changed my mindset forever.

I stumbled on several podcasts by Dr Peter Attia and Layne Norton. They discuss many topics, but one of them was all-cause mortality and hazard ratios – the likelihood of you dying of something. A study was done of 122,000 people with an average age of 53. The study did a Vo2 max test on the subjects and ranked them into five categories – Low, Below Average, Above Average, High, Elite. The study then correlated mortality rates to the Vo2 rankings. The results shocked me.

Just improving from the Low category to Below Average was a 50% reduction in mortality over a decade. Improve to one more category, Above Average, resulted in a nearly 70% reduction in mortality! Being in the lowest category of Vo2 max carries a higher risk of mortality than coronary artery disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes. Wow.

I’m sure I always kinda knew that having a great cardiovascular system would be a good thing as you got older. But then they followed up with a very similar look at the correlation of lean muscle mass and mortality. Past age 70, the hazard ratio of having very little lean muscle mass is greater than smoking! It turns out falls are the greatest cause of accidental death in the last decades of life. As a nurse, I can attest to this. A fall resulting in a broken hip is a near certain death sentence within 6 months to a year amongst the elderly.

So, in a nutshell being weak, fat, and having low Vo2 max is a near guarantee of an early death.

Seeing this was enough for me. I dragged my queasy-ass stomach to the gym and picked up a bunch of heavy shit for an hour. And I’m going to do it again today. And I’m going to start maximizing my Zone 2 training. One of the things that was said in the podcast is that past age 60-65 you’re realistically not going to gain muscle. The best you can hope for is to maintain what you have. So in the decade before that your goal should be to pack on as much lean muscle mass as possible.

I’ve missed out on much of that window to build muscle and strength due to general sloth and love of nachos. But it’s not too late. Every single percentage gain in lean muscle mass I can make in the next few years is an additional hedge against that hazard ratio. It finally sunk in.

Every single day of doing nothing, sitting, not moving, watching TV, gaining weight – is subtracting a day from the other end.

Think about that. Is skipping being active today because you don’t feel like it, worth dying one day earlier? I calculated out, based upon living to age 85, how many weeks I have left. About 1,600. That’s not very much when you think about it that way. It’s time to maximize those weeks to ensure I have as many as possible.

Let’s roll.

Daily Life, Health

Why Is Diet So Confusing?

I will confess that I have been known to get sucked into drinking the Kool-Aid from time to time. Beliefs, approaches, or fads that I was convinced was the one true path. I talked ’em up and spoke with authority about them. I even had a bit of condescension towards people who didn’t know, understand, or believe in the new great thing. Fools who still bought into the old school set of beliefs. Here’s a few of the things that I’ve thought were the end-all-be-all in the past. I’m not suggesting any of them are bad – just that as thinking evolves, they’re not the magic bullets I once believed them to be at the time.

  • Barefoot shoes and running.
  • Crossfit.
  • Keto.
  • Intermittent fasting.
  • Primal/caveman
  • Body For Life
  • Zone diet
  • 5/6 small meals per day
  • Foam rolling
  • Apple cider vinegar (I have no idea why I thought this was a magical thing)

And on, and on, and on. Even though I think I’m being a rebel and cutting edge, I realize I’m just as much of a lemming as anyone else following the latest fitness and diet fad. Meanwhile, I was happily making fun of people eating the cabbage soup diet, doing juice cleanses, or the Whole 30 diet. Why is it so damn hard to know what you’re supposed to be doing to lose or maintain weight?

Meanwhile, my trainer wants me eating more calories because my BMR is too low, and I need a massive increase in the amount of protein I consume. Zone 2 is best for aerobic improvements, and carbohydrates are now good.

Sigh. I don’t know what to think anymore. My body fat percentage is getting worse, but my muscle mass is the best it’s been in a very long time. I feel stronger and better balanced now, but I can’t button the waistband on most of my pants. Why is this so hard? I just want someone to give me a weekly menu with exact portion sizes that’s easy to make/prepare. And yes, I’ve Googled that exact thing. A billion results come up, all with conflicting information, or promise to be the perfect diet plan… for $29.99 a month.

Why is diet so difficult? Why can’t I find a way of eating that gives me enough of a routine to keep calories in control, yet lets me eat out from time to time? I clearly don’t have the discipline to eat “strict” all the time or count calories daily. So, does that mean my only choice is to constantly keep up a crazy amount of workout/cardio activity to balance it? At my age, I don’t know that I have that in me anymore.

Our grandparents did not calculate out their daily macros, walk around all day with giant BPA free water flasks, or worry about zone 2 training. Yet on whole, their generation did not have the obesity problem we have today. Maybe that’s the book I should write – “The WWII Generations Guide to Diet and Exercise”. I’ll make a fortune!

But then again, my grandfather’s favorite exercise machine was a vibrating belt you’d put around your waist. I have no idea what its actual purpose was. To jiggle the fat away? To be fair, we have kinesio tape today. Maybe we haven’t evolved as far as we think?

Daily Life, Diet, Health, Motivation

I’m Sick Of Diet And Food

I’m frustrated. I’m depressed. I’m angry. I’m absolutely sick and tired of thinking about diet and food. Here’s why…

In the last 7 days my activities have been as follows:

  • 3.7 mile run
  • Initial meeting with personal trainer, mobility, and strength assessment
  • A day of alpine skiing, 13 runs, 9.7 miles
  • A day of cross-country skate skiing, hills, 4.2 miles
  • Two 13-hour workdays, on my feet, walking an ungodly number of steps

My diet during this time:

  • Only two meals a day
  • One meal a day on the workdays
  • Out to dinner with friends but had only a salad
  • Had a burger one night but did salad instead of fries
  • Three total beers during the week
  • My only snacks were almonds and parmesan crips

Not bad, right? I jumped on the scale this morning and… I gained a pound and a half. Fuck!

It’s so demoralizing. Don’t get me wrong, I know exactly why. The meals were pretty high calorie. I ate a LOT of the snacks. Salad is not low calorie when you add gobs of blue cheese dressing. Beer is 200+ calories each. I know I ate too many calories. But I thought for sure that amount of activity I did would at least keep me at break-even. It’s a horrible feeling to be thinking about calories non-stop, to worry all week about getting enough activity in – and still gain weight. I’m tired of thinking about and dwelling over the number on the scale. It’s enough to want to just give up and eat whatever the hell I want. I’m getting old. It’s not like I’m trying to be on the cover of Vogue magazine or become a competitive cyclist. Why should I care anymore?

I’m so sick of thinking and stressing over food. I’m tired of keto. I want to be able to have a beer from time to time. Or a burger. Not every day, but once in a while without feeling guilty about it. I want to be active and exercise so I feel good about my long-term health. I want to maintain my balance and mobility so that I’m not afraid to stand on a stepstool when I’m in my 70’s. But constant worrying about exercise in terms of “did I burn enough calories today?”, is making it a chore that I have to do – not something I want to do.

Having to maintain a diet is not enjoyable. Having to move to the XL side of the clothing rack and skipping fun water activities with friends because you’re embarrassed at how you look isn’t fun either. Both things suck. I keep telling myself, a bit of short-term pain to get to someplace I’m comfortable is worth the effort. Then I can work on a maintenance level of calories rather than a constant deficit. But the daily grind and internal analysis just gets old.

At my age it’s clear that the only way to lose weight is extremely strict calorie restriction. There are no “cheat meals” allowed. I need to track every bit of food I consume. I can ramp up my activity a bit more, but not enough to compensate for the calories I ate this week. Every single thing I put in my mouth has to be weighed, measured, and counted against the daily and weekly calorie budget. I know this. And it pisses me off. Like the national debt clock, I need a continually running calorie clock so I can make appropriate decisions about food intake. I need to stop ruining reasonable food choices by tripling the portion sizes.

I know myself. I struggle with choice. When forced to choose, I often make bad decisions. I’m the type of person that needs to eat the same thing every day. The same breakfast, the same snacks, the same dinner. A known set of calories that doesn’t waver. And once in a while when out with friends, have a burger. But eat only half. I don’t need to consume the entire two pounds of burger, bun, and condiments. Eat enough to satisfy the taste craving and be done. And yes, I can up the activity intensity a bit. I know I’m capable of more than I actually do.

I know what the answer is. I know how this week happened. I know what to do. I just needed to vent a bit. To have a bit of a pity party. Now I need to pick myself up off the floor, dust myself off, and get back after it. I will keep the XXL velour track suit with the elastic waistband and the “all you can eat” buffet at bay.

Diet, Health

Diet Secret Unlocked: Stay Busy

I should probably put this on my wildly successful, subscription substack – but because I like you guys, I’ll give you this tip for free. I don’t know why it didn’t dawn on me until recently, but I’m a little slow sometimes. Anyway, here goes. Are you ready? The secret to losing weight – stay busy. That’s it. It’s that simple. Let me explain…

I don’t have a problem working out. I don’t have a problem committing to a particular eating plan. I don’t have a problem tracking macros, calories, or a hundred other stats. What I do have a problem with is stringing those things together for more than a few days. The difference between the times I’ve been successful with weight loss and, ahem, now? Constant activity.

My last go-round with fitness happened when I was still working full-time. I was so crazy busy at work it was easy to fast all day (I ate one meal a day, when I got home). There simply wasn’t time to eat and no time to think about being hungry. So that was three days a week of at least a 1000 calorie deficit per day. (hospital work is three twelve-hour shifts) I was left with a compressed week to fit all my activities in. So even though I probably exceeded my calorie goal many of those remaining days, I was active enough to balance it out. And the weight melted off. About 30 pounds in four months. Activity fosters more activity. As I started losing weight it motivated me to work out even harder and watch my diet even closer. It’s a positive self-reinforcing cycle. Eight months later I came close to hitting my high school weight.

And then at the end of that summer, after summiting the highest peak in the lower 48, I “took a break”. It was only going to be for a short time. After all, I’d earned it. During that break period, I went part-time at work. Then the pandemic hit. Sloth set in and my activity level plummeted. Suddenly I had more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. I spent too many hours just surfing the web and watching non-stop YouTube. And what happens when you have idle hands? Grazing in the pantry and fridge every two hours.

Even though I’d “restart” the diet each morning with a vow to be strict… by 3pm I’d have already hit my calorie budget. Sitting around so much just made me tired and my motivation to be active simply faded more and more each day. This a negative self-reinforcing cycle. And the pounds came back with a vengeance.

With a new year, we’re here at reset #432. Two weeks in and doing good so far. Back in ketosis. No alcohol since the New Year. Winter finally gave us a ski season, so I’m back outside again. The scale is slowly moving in the right direction.

But I still have plenty of time on my hands. And I find myself standing in front of the fridge far too often. I’m not actually hungry. Keto is great for limiting choices and calories, and the daily blood checks keep me honest… but I can still blow my food budget by consuming 400 calories in nuts and stay in ketosis. Right now, I’m on that razor edge of continued success or falling off the wagon again.

Having time on your hands is dangerous in so many ways. It saps productivity. It’s a conduit for a ridiculous amount of screen-time. It’s a recipe for sloth. I’ve written before about wanting to find more purpose, to focus on my hobbies and actually get good at something, to make plans and follow through with them. All things worth focusing on. But more than anything – I need to keep myself occupied so I’m not thinking about food and finding myself standing in front of the refrigerator a dozen times a day. Oh, how I envy the apathetic eaters who simply don’t care about food.

So, the secret to losing weight? Keep yourself so busy you don’t have time to food graze. And the bonus reward is going to bed each night tired and fulfilled with a day full of productivity towards something. Its’ a win-win.

Of course, the other option is to completely empty out the pantry and fridge of all food. Restock them with only the EXACT number of calories allotted for each day. Heck, you could go so far as to partition all your shelves and label them Mon, Tues, Wed, etc… Trust me, I’ve thought about it.

While I’m getting desperate enough for that degree of obsessiveness, I’m not quite ready for that level of extreme. For now, it’s time to ramp up the daily activities to ludicrous levels. So, if you start seeing three posts a day about mountain biking to a lake to go ice fishing, followed by running the dog and then walking downtown to take photographs, and then evening workout sessions… just know it’s not my overachieving, Ritalin fueled personality – I’m desperately trying to distract myself from standing in front of the fridge.

Idle hands are the devil’s playthings.

Benjaman Franklin
Daily Life, Health

What Kind Of Eater Are You?

As we inch towards the new year, approximately two thirds of the United States is planning a new diet come Jan 1. (cough cough, myself included) In the US the portion sizes are 3x what they should be, we snack constantly, eat convenient processed food, and rarely exercise. The result is a steady 2-5 pounds a year of weight gain until you reach the “oh shit” stage whereupon you realize your scheduled beach vacation is three months away and you look like a bloated Steven Seagal with an all-you-can-eat card for the local Krispy Kreme. You don’t dare wear that fancy speedo you bought for fear of being mistaken for a beached whale. (yes, this is a true story minus the speedo part. Unless you’re an Olympic swimmer, under no circumstances should men rock the banana hammock. Sorry, those are just the rules)

Given this, I thought it would be an appropriate time to share some insights into my PhD research. I’m planning on a doctorate in applied bio-electrical nutrition and chemical manipulation of the ribosome. It’s an at-home study course. Given the costs of education these days, this one seemed pretty reasonable. Only 10 payments of $899 and you can call me Dr Troutdog! Anyway, as part of my thesis work, I’ve identified the five primary eating genotypes in the United States. They are as follows:

  • The Apathetic Eater – These people are freaks and should be shunned. They generally don’t care about food. They eat only because they have to. They pick at salads and eat half a bowl of cereal in the morning. That’s it. They’ve been thin their entire lives and don’t understand how people get fat. A large percentage of them are vegetarian or some weird fruitarian thing. They don’t exercise and often get blown over in storms. Usually, they’re cat people because they lack the strength to hold on to a dog leash without getting pulled down the street like an out-of-control dog sled.

  • The Disciplined Eater – Also freaks of nature. These eaters count calories, macronutrients, and usually meal plan and prep a week at a time. Very often they’re athletes. Or at the very least, crossfitters (don’t worry, they’ll tell you). They follow very strict diets – Keto, Paleo, IIFYM, etc… These freaks have goals for each week, quarter, and year. They track everything in journals. Be careful with conversations with these folks because they’ll overwhelm you with acronyms about total energy expenditures, insulin and glycemic to fat burning ratios. Their idea of a cheat meal is indulging in a light beer and an extra portion of sweet potatoes on Thanksgiving. When around these people you’ll generally feel bad about yourself for not wanting to wake up at 04:30 to work out or join them in the polar bear plunge on New Year’s Day.

  • The Guilty Eater – This is probably the average eater in the US. They’ve put on weight, know it, and desperately want to “get healthy”. They join, or re-join, a gym every year and go for about a month. Once a quarter they start a new diet they heard about from Dr Oz (senator?) and Oprah. The cabbage soup and raw lemon-rind snack diet works for a week or so and then fails due to consumption of three-quarters of a meat lovers pizza in a fit of near-cannibalistic hunger. These folks don’t eat breakfast, order a salad with no dressing when out to lunch with co-workers, and then binge three doughnuts in the breakroom at work. There’s a secret stash of candy and chips in the car and on the back shelf of the pantry. Dieting is just so hard when you have to make a ginormous lasagna, bread, and desert to feed the three kids. These poor souls know they need to lose weight and hate themselves every time they sneak some Taco Bell on the way home.

  • The Gluttonous Eater – Often found in the south, these folks either truly don’t understand the concept of a calorie, or just don’t care. They eat with abandon. Anything and everything. If it’s not deep fried, what’s the point? They tend to see themselves as just “big boned”. Usually they’re very happy folks, hard workers, and often great cooks. They’re plagued with health issues and are puzzled at how they “caught the diabetes”. Their grandparents and parents ate this way, and so do they. They don’t see the need to “diet” other than switch to diet Coke occasionally. The other side of the coin in this category are the folks who have some mental health issues and eat as some sort of coping mechanism. Probably the saddest group of all. The morbidly obese who’ve simply given up.

  • The Balanced Eater – The unicorn (at least in the United States). The eater who exercises regularly, but not compulsively. They enjoy food, but somehow manage to keep their calories in check. They’ll enjoy a good meal but have figured out the whole moderation thing. They’re happy and balanced. They are a rare find. They are subjects of a great deal of research. We all strive to find that magic pill or diet that gives us what they have – a healthy outlook on food, exercise and the willpower to maintain those habits without guilt, obsession, or overthinking it. They are hated by most of the population.

So, what kind of eater are you? If you’ve been reading any of my previous ramblings, you’ll recognize I’m clearly in the Guilty Eater category. I had a few brief flirtations with the Disciplined Eater, but it flamed out fairly quickly. I go through weird food compulsions (croutons, rice, pretzels, Pirates Booty (it’s gluten free!) chips, cheese, etc…) Why is it so hard to just eat normally and get some exercise? We really are a ridiculous population in this country. Laziness and sloth have taken root and I fear are here to stay. Like the Roman Empire, we became fat and complacent, living for our entertainment and pleasures. And when the zombie apocalypse comes, very few of us will have the cardio to survive*.

I wish you luck with your diet plans in the New Year. I have three months to drop approximately thirty pounds before I can stroll down the beach in my leopard print banana hammock. I have full confidence I will achieve my goals. Starting tomorrow. Wait, you can’t start on a weekend. Starting on Monday. For sure.

* Rule #1 of the 32 rules of Zombieland