Tag: mental health

Daily Life, Government

Is Privacy Important?

If you’ve been following along at home, I recently went on a conspiracy theory reading binge (is it still conspiracy if it’s true?). But that’s nothing new as I’ve been espousing about our security state for quite some time now. Lately it seems like daily you find out something new that either the government or big tech is doing to spy on you. 99% of us just shrug our shoulders. Meh, it’s the price of having the fancy new iPhone so we can FaceTime and share all our data between devices via the cloud, right?

This morning I listened to an interview with Erik Prince, the founder of the Blackwater private security company. Fascinating guy for many reasons, but one of them is that he’s just recently created a smart phone that’s “unplugged”. In theory it can’t be traced by the government and it allows you to use most common apps without the tech companies (or government) scooping up all your usage and location data. While we probably all have a sense of what’s happening, it’s still shocking to hear the degree of spying that’s being done on us via our phones.

As is usually the case when I see or hear things like this I immediately vow to get off all social media platforms, wipe everything off my phone, and switch to using cash for all transactions. But then the more I think about it I realize “they” already have everything there is to know about me. I’m sure I have a very well established profile filed away somewhere. So what good would unplugging do at this point? If, as Mr Prince alleges (and I believe to be true), multiple apps, Google, and Apple can turn on/off your phone camera and microphone at will… and that data is recorded and stored for all eternity, then a hostile actor could already blackmail, embarrass, or threaten me. What good would shutting it off now do?

I suppose the only reason to have an unplugged phone would be if I planned on someday communicating with others or researching things that the government would like to know about and track. I don’t see that happening. I guess it’s accepting the “if you’re not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to fear” mentality. It would take effort and sacrifice to try and unplug from our tech overlords. Is it really worth it?

But here’s the thing – it makes me mad that we even have to contemplate this. How did we let this happen? As Mr Prince says, it’s the frog in the slowly boiling water phenomenon. Little by little, with promises about how cool it will be when every device in your world is interconnected. I’m just as guilty as everyone else. I have Alexa, Siri, a smart refrigerator, online cameras and heating systems. On top of everything else that our phones do, I share my location online for Mrs Troutdog when riding the motorcycle and happily post photos everywhere I go embedded with location data. Like I said, I bought into the whole interconnected thing. Hell, I even worked for the evil empire (Microsoft back when Google’s slogan was still “don’t be evil“) and was part of their data collection division via your TV and set top box way back in the day. We collected everything about your viewing habits – what channels you watched, how long, and how you surfed through the guide. All so we could sell that data to advertisers. Well, technically not us but the cable providers who used our system. So I suppose I was part of the problem way back then.

But now… now the genie is out of the box and I’m not sure we’ll be able to put it back. The Borg has metastasized and has grown out of control. I don’t think the vast majority of people grasp the fact that we live in a full on police/security state. Monitored at all times. What our government and the tech companies currently do would be the envy of the old East German Stasi. Take a close look at how China monitors and controls its population, because that is our future very soon.

It makes me angry that we gave up everything for the convenience of some fancy tech and the promise of keeping us secure from terrorists and stopping the drug cartels. We did it to ourselves and there’s no going back – without drastic measures. I’m not sure we have the will as a nation to push back anymore.

The funny thing is that just the other day I agreed with Mrs Troutdog that I’d fully switch over to the Apple ecosystem and get an iPhone so we could more easily share calendars and FaceTime. Now I’m not so sure I want to. Maybe I should get an unplugged phone and start purging all the data collection apps and social media I use. Maybe I should start using cash for everything so my purchase habits and locations can’t be tracked.

Maybe.

But then again, that’s inconvenient. And I like fancy new technology. Besides, I’m not doing anything wrong. At the end of the day why do I care if someone’s watching me?

Man I hate being a lazy conspiracy theorist.

Daily Life, Health

How Old Are You?

Age is one of those things you can’t escape. Like the slow drift of the continental plates, it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. It was one of the things that fascinated me as an RN. To see a consistent population of people, usually in their 60’s-70’s, who manifested their apparent age wildly different. A 70 year old who still rides bikes would be in the room next to a 60 year old who looked 90. Why such a difference? Why do people age at such different rates? I got to thinking about this because I’m currently reading a book on evolutionary anthropology (don’t ask) and was very intrigued when I ran across this quote:

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?”

Leroy Satchel Paige

Unless you were born into the Hadza tribe in Africa or maybe grew up in some weird religious cult that didn’t celebrate birthdays – you know how old you are. But what if you didn’t? What if all you could go on was how you “felt”. I don’t think I look like my actual age. Sure, I’m starting to sport a little bit of gray here and there but not much. I have friends who are younger than me who are almost entirely gray. I probably don’t dress appropriately for my actual age. Plenty of shorts and flip flops. I had to break down and go buy a sport coat a few months ago for an event because I didn’t have one. Without knowing what people really think, I’d guess that on appearance alone I look maybe five years younger than I really am (maybe that’s wishful thinking).

How I feel is much different. The impedance scale I use calculates out my metabolic age based upon weight, body fat, BMI, etc… It thinks I’m four years older than I really am. Probably correct given my current conditioning. I’ve also reached an age where I have a never ending series of aches and pains. A rotating litany of things that hurt. An old shoulder injury. Legs and knees that ache from five straight days of skiing and mountain biking. A weird foot pain that won’t go away. My body certainly knows it’s not twenty any more.

Mental age… that’s hard to say. Somewhere in my late thirties maybe (again, maybe wishful thinking). I still think I can do all the physical things I used to. Perhaps most important, I still want to do all those things. I’m not quite ready to give it all up, head to back porch and just watch sunsets. Slightly contradictory, I’m also starting to feel a maturity of thought that I don’t think I had before. It’s hard to explain. While I’m not very good at expressing it, my brain seems to explore thoughts on multiple different levels unlike what it did when I was ten or more years younger (that could also be the nightly bourbon making me feel wise). I’m not as quick to jump on whatever the conventional wisdom of the day is, like when I was younger. If someone makes a claim about something, I’m much more inclined to wait and see before believing it. At the same time, I find myself having a much stronger sense of right and wrong in the things I do believe. I suspect with age comes a decreasing need to care what others think.

I don’t know. It’s an interesting thought experiment. I hope I’m one of those guys who’s still riding bikes when I’m 75. Not just for the physical component, but to still have the desire to be out there enjoying life at that age. I hope I’m still able to make a cognizant argument about some world event when I’m an old geezer and not just be a grumpy old “get off my lawn” guy.

I wonder what makes people age. Is it diet? Exercise? Mental stimulation? Are some people just born with a zest and curiosity for life that others aren’t, or is it something that you cultivate on your own? Excluding disease, is there there something I can do to hold off aging or is it just luck of the cards I was dealt?

How about you – how old do you feel if you didn’t know when you were born?

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

Anticipation

It was quiet. Birds chirping. A light breeze blowing through the tops of the trees. The occasional whoomph as a clump of snow fell somewhere off in the distance. Most importantly, it was warm. I had to stop several times and simply stand with my face turned towards the sun, soaking in the rays. It was glorious. I was out skate skiing with my dog and had been looking forward to this for several days. That epic blue sky ski outing was the perfect antidote to a long gray winter.

The spring like weather continued over the weekend, and we took full advantage. Gardening, spring cleaning, taking the storm windows off. Yesterday I napped in the sun for an hour and sat in the backyard reading a book late into the afternoon. As I lay in the sun, my mind continuously went over things I could do this week with this window of perfect weather. I’ll get the motorcycle out. The trails are probably dry enough to go for a mountain bike ride. I can hike the dog without the trails being a muddy, sloppy mess. I might dust off the drone and go flying. So many possibilities.

As I lay there sunning skin that is pasty white from a long winter of coats and pants and flannel, I had a bit of an epiphany. It wasn’t just the sun that was putting me in a good mood. It was anticipation of all the things I wanted to do. I was starting to plan and look forward to the future again.

People always say that as you transition into retirement it’s important to stay busy. To maintain a schedule. They say that to be happy you need to have a purpose. I think that’s only partially true. What we really need is anticipation.

With that warm weather ski, I decided to drag out my camera gear and make a little video of the hound running around with me. Editing that video got me thinking about what I wanted to film this summer. That turned into several hours of organizing camera gear and ordering some parts for the drone. I watched some videos of tips for filming different camera angles and it really got me excited to try them out soon. The anticipation – the feeling of looking forward to something gave me that little dopamine hit that put me in a good mood.

Similarly, I was chatting with a buddy that I ride motorcycles with. He said that he really wanted to do more motorcycle camping this summer. That led to hours of researching which campgrounds will be snow free the soonest. It gave me a good feeling to think about the trips we might take, planning routes, and getting gear ready. Anticipation.

We have a trip to Mexico coming up. Another trip to see some family we don’t see often enough. Friends are driving across country in their motorhome to see us this summer, ride motorcycles and explore the area. I’m looking forward to all these things. I want more of that feeling of “looking forward to”.

If you think about it, anticipation is everything. The restaurant you’ve been wanting to try that you made reservations for. A concert you’ve been wanting to see. A tee time at a new golf course. Meeting friends for lunch that you haven’t seen in a while. It doesn’t matter what it is, the key is having that sense of pleasant anticipation.

That’s what keeps us moving forward.

Lose that and it’s over. If you’ve got nothing to look forward to, then what’s the point?

This winter was harsh. Bad snow, limited ski days, gray, storms, and cold. With, what felt like limited options to do anything, I found myself I found myself more and more frequently retreating to my comfy chair to read and nap. More napping than reading realistically. The more napping I did, the less inclined I was to go plan something to do. Sloth begets sloth, as the saying goes. I now realize that the prescription for next year is pre-planning things. A sprinkling of quick trips to explore cities we haven’t been to. Scheduling ski lessons to improve skills and keep me motivated. It doesn’t matter what it is. What’s important is to have a steady diet of anticipation for something.

I think this is why spring feels like such a joyous time. After a long winter, warm sun brings out the feeling of possibility. You can bust out the shorts and bathing suits. Think about swimming in the lake, riding your bike, or heading out on that summer vacation. It’s the anticipation that makes us feel good.

I’m going to spend the next few weeks planning activities. I think I’ll overcompensate this summer and try to have non-stop activities. I want to be in never ending planning mode. Upcoming motorcycle trips, camping trips, road trips, day outings, and activities. I want so much god damn anticipation I’ll be begging for some down time.

The dopamine rush from a warm day and looking forward to possibilities is addicting. I want more of that feeling. I don’t want to go back to the monotone feeling of sitting in the comfy chair and napping.

Now excuse me, I’m going to go get my dog a hike. He’s been looking forward all day for his run and chasing birds.

Anticipation.

Daily Life, Lists

A January Progress Report

A quote came out of a podcast I recently watched with Theo Von (one of my new favorites) and Tony Robbins. Tony said (paraphrasing), “It’s not about positive thinking. Whats wrong with the world will always be available. Whats right with the world is also always available. It’s about which one you choose to focus on, because your brain will automatically delete the other one.” I like that. I find that one of the main drivers of my mood is the news. I think news is fundamentally predisposed to focus on what’s wrong with the world. When I spend too much time consuming events of the day, I am a more negative person. When I go skiing or for a bike ride, I’m more positive. Go figure.

So of the things I told myself I wanted to do better at this year… I’m not doing as well with staying away from the news. I’m a junkie. It’s like watching a car wreck. I can’t tear my eyes away. I need to work on that. While we’re on the subject of yearly resolutions, here’s how I’m doing so far with the other thoughts I had about making improvements:

  • I gave myself a goal of no alcohol until I hit a certain weight. Been six weeks, so doing well. Struggling right now because part of me says that life is too short to not enjoy a beer with friends from time to time. But I do feel better and have lost some weight. Not sure if I can hold out until the weight goal.
  • Speaking of weight, it is improving. More slowly than I’d like, but at least it’s the right direction. I don’t eat horribly, but volume is my main culprit. Other than alcohol I really haven’t changed anything. What this showed me is that up until last spring, exercise was the only thing keeping my weight in check. I went into sloth mode and the weight skyrocketed. If I can kickstart the exercise again and work on the volume a little bit, I’m confident the weight will return to a happier place.
  • I’ve implemented a few things from Dr. Huberman’s “morning routine”:
    • Sunlight first thing in the morning. I’m using a UV light (it’s dark for hours when I wake up) and I actually think this makes a difference. I will continue this practice.
    • Delay caffeine for 60-90 minutes upon waking. Nope. Maybe I’ll try again at some point, but noticed zero difference.
    • Drink two large glasses of water upon waking with added sodium. I was already drinking one. Two, plus the coffee is just too much liquid first thing in the morning. I stopped the sodium because I think it was making me retain fluid.
    • Switched to tea instead of coffee. I’m not sure I notice a difference, but I’m liking tea. I’ll probably flip back and forth. I think I’ll try the pour-over coffee method and see how that goes.
  • I’ve been struggling with sleep for quite some time. I fall asleep just fine, but wake at 3-4am and that’s it. Falling back asleep isn’t an option. I tried magnesium (again at Dr. Huberman’s suggestion). Not sure I can tell any difference. If I had to guess it’s more related to activity level during the day than anything. Sloth mode all day and I sleep like crap. Go figure.
  • I’ve been religiously tracking sleep stats with my Fitbit. I’ve been especially interested in HRV, since everyone says that zero alcohol will massively improve it. I’ve noticed a tiny improvement, but nothing to write home about. Maybe I’m too old at this point to make a big change?
  • I declared I was going to make an effort to stop dressing like a homeless teenager. I now have a pair of decent everyday boots and just ordered five well fitting shirts. There was an experiment with a vest that we won’t talk about. Not fashion related, but I also bought my first pair of really good ski pants. Retiring the three year old Costco ski pants that aren’t waterproof is a good thing, given the amount of skiing I do. I declare good progress on this resolution.
  • I said I wanted more spice in my food. There’s a bottle of Sriracha sauce in my fridge I’ve used once. This needs work.
  • I wanted to make music more of a priority. Zero progress. I need to do two things. First, curate my play list so that I want to listen. Second, find more opportunity to listen to music. Right now music only happens when working out… which is not often enough.
  • I told myself I was going to ride the bike this year. A lot. I’ve done… ok. Ridden maybe a half-dozen times in January. Not bad considering it’s single digits and snow on the ground. A friend just bought a Peloton and I somewhat mocked him for it. “Real” cyclists find a way to ride outside, right?. While we’re in the midst of winter, the back of my brain is now wondering if I’d use a Peloton?
  • One of my never ending goals is to be more creative. For the first time ever, I sent out one of my photos to be printed. We’re waiting for it to come back. Good or bad, hopefully this is the spark needed to start creating again.
  • And lastly, I wanted to make travel a priority this year. Mrs Troutdog and I continue to be at an impasse as to how to travel. Fortunately the country is in an icy death grip at the moment, so travel isn’t much of an issue. I expect this issue to heat up as time goes on. Stay tuned.

So there we are. I’d give myself a B- so far. I’m actually making an effort to make some changes, which is probably the most important part. Not a lot of change so far, but hey it’s only January. By the end of February I might be a fashionable, picture taking, music lover riding a Peloton and eating spicy ramen. You never know.

Cool, Daily Life

Random Things And Observations

Very often I can’t remember my phone number or why I walked into the kitchen. Yet, I’ll always know how many feet in a mile, a quote from a movie I saw in high school, and the quadratic equation. (just kidding on that last one) Needless to say, there’s a lot of useless crap and random thoughts that float around in my head much of the day. From time to time I need to purge. Enjoy.

  • How did men in the 40’s and 50’s walk around with fedoras all day and not have hat hair? Watch any old movie. They walk inside, take off the hat, perfect hair. For me the morning decision of hat/no hat is an all-day commitment.
  • We may have our first big winter storm inbound. Thank god because this is the worst start to a ski season I can remember. The flip side is that next weekend is forecast to be in the negative temps. I’ll accept that if it means snow.
  • Speaking of weather – do you notice that the mainstream news only covers weather if it hits the East coast? We’re going to get hammered by a series of storms this week here in the mountain West. Not a peep. The East coast gets an inch of snow and it’s wall-to-wall coverage. The exception is tornadoes in the mid West or mudslides in Los Angeles.
  • You do know that asylum is coming, right? I don’t care what party is in charge. At some point they’ll decide that the numbers are too great to attempt deportation and that the humane thing to do is grant some sort of asylum.
  • I have no idea what’s going to happen with the first few primaries. I do remember that Trump lost Iowa to Ted Cruz in ’16. The future is not set.
  • I ordered a casual wool vest from Amazon in an effort to stop dressing like a homeless teenager. When I walked out to show my wife, her look of horror and puzzlement was priceless. I’m returning it today.
  • My dog hates carrots. He will dig through his food and make a point of spitting them out on the floor. He’s not messing around with that orange bullshit under any circumstances.
  • In the last six months I’ve started wearing Crocs, drinking tea, siting in front of a UV lamp in the morning, (ordering vests) and have had no alcohol in the last six weeks. I’m not entirely sure why, and don’t think it’s helped or improved me as a human in any way. So I’ve got all that going for me.
  • Don’t ask why, but one of my random resolutions was that I need to add more heat (spice) to my food. There is now a bottle of sriracha in my fridge. I’ve used it once. This may take some willpower.
  • Speaking of resolutions, I also decided that music needs to be more of priority in my life. I’d also like another tattoo, but older saggy skin is not ideal. I’ll probably have to let that one go.
  • I got it in my head the other day that we needed chopsticks. I’m not sure why. Anyway, we’re all set in case we decide to have a large asian-themed dinner party.
  • A non-flattering video snippet of Madonna dressed in some head-to-toe sliver outfit and gyrating wildly showed up on Twitter/X the other day. Someone commented that it reminded him of forgetting to remove the aluminum foil from his burrito and putting it in the microwave. I’m still laughing. I showed it to Mrs Troutdog. She was not amused. Some pop icons you don’t mess with I guess.
  • I didn’t get asked to appear on a single podcast last year and I’m crushed.
  • I’ve earned .79 cents from this blog thing. (no, not kidding) Clearly this is the year I’m going to crush it – I can feel the momentum.
  • I learned that there are people out there who stand in the shower facing the water. What’s wrong with them?
  • I stood outside the other day and chatted with a friend about a particular model of car. He said that night his YouTube feed was nothing but videos about that car. They’re always listening.
  • Did you know you can buy a battle axe on Amazon? Not saying I would, but it’s good to know.
  • I guess we forgot about Ukraine.
  • How many modern day navy SEALs would it have taken to win the Revolutionary war? Also, who would win in a head to head battle – Samurai or Vikings?
  • Everyone knew EXACTLY what Epstein was. Yet they interacted with him anyway. Power, influence, money, corruption, blackmail, perversion… been going on since the beginning of time.
  • The Norse gods are starting to grow on me.
  • Just finished a book on the history of the Israel six-day war in ’67. The parallels to what’s happening today are frighteningly similar. Israel is the only country that’s constantly expected to lose a war and then beg for international approval.
  • Does anyone know if you can play a harmonica if it gets wet? The acoustics in the shower would be amazing. I haven’t pulled the trigger on a harmonica yet, but I’m considering…

And that’s a wrap. A successful purge of randomness in the brain. Until the mental hard drive fills up again, thanks for reading along!

Daily Life, Motivation

I’ll Be Back

Arnold Schwarzenegger. The Terminator. Seven-time Mr. Olympia winner. Governor of California. I’ve always admired him, but definitely lost respect for him with the whole cheating with the maid thing. He’s been out of the limelight for quite a while, so when an interview with him popped up I figured I’d give it a read. Nothing earth shattering about it, but it affirmed why I always liked him. The dude works his ass off.

Many people don’t realize Arnold was already a millionaire before he got his start in movies. He took his meager winnings from bodybuilding and started a mail-order business. He then launched a brick laying business. He took the profits from those businesses and started buying apartment complexes. He had a sizable real estate empire before ever getting into acting.

Funny how the most successful people, be it business, sport, or art, all share a common trait – discipline and hard work. It’s almost like there’s a lesson there…

A quote from Schwarzenegger from the article:

“How I feel is irrelevant. I don’t give a fuck how I feel. What I care about is: What can I do to make it better? Sometimes I get out of bed and feel shitty. But I get on a bike or go feed the animals and suddenly I feel great. This country was not built by people feeling good. This country was built by people working their asses off. We have to work our ass off and stop worrying about feelings. Just swallow it. If you feel shitty, don’t think, just do things.”

That is not a popular sentiment today. Society today seems to be centered around peoples feelings. Universities now have to have “emotional safe spaces” and debate or dissenting opinions are not allowed. It’s rare for kids to have summer jobs. We’re a nation that no longer wants to work hard. This doesn’t bode well long-term.

Another quote:

“It’s also important to have a mission. If you have a mission, it’s so much fun. If you wake up and think, “What am I going to do today?” That’s bad news. Because then the mind starts wandering and you never know where it will take you. If you’re thinking, “I have to do this, so let’s get going …” Then you accomplish things.”

This one hit me because it’s true. Lately I’ve started feeling that I’ve lost the vision I had when I left healthcare. I’m slowly drifting into just doing day-to-day errands and tasks. I don’t have a mission. I need to find it again before I end up just sitting on the couch every day, eating bon-bons and watching soap operas.

So, the Terminator is right. The secret sauce is to stop worrying about your feelings, work your ass off, and have a mission. Hard to argue with that.

Cool, Daily Life, Motivation

Performance Anxiety

I have performance anxiety. Wait, that sounded bad. Not that kind of performance anxiety… I mean with sports. I could never be an Olympian or compete in some sort of professional sport. Aside from having to be talented, coordinated, and possessing athletic skill, those folks tend not to choke when it matters. I don’t have that ability.

Take golf for example. Golf seems to be my nemesis for some reason. I have a weird golf dyslexia that I can’t seem to get past. Despite a frightening amount of money spent on the driving range, lessons, and clubs, I still just don’t get it. I have zero confidence that when I step up to the tee, I’ll be able to hit the ball. As a result I hate the first hole. As in, I actually get butterflies in my stomach walking up to tee off. It makes no difference if I’ve warmed up on the range or not. All I can think of in my head is “don’t screw up, don’t screw up”. It happened just the other day. Mrs Troutdog and I were playing and got partnered with a 12 year old kid. He hit a beautiful drive that went a country mile. I stepped up and… chunked it about 10 feet. I set up to hit another… and chunked it about 10 feet. Sigh.

I know that half the problem is that I’ve gotten into my own head over this. I know I’m creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by obsessing over it. I just don’t know how to get past it. Mrs Troutdog laughs at me and says I shouldn’t care. We’re just out to have fun, it’s not like we’re trying to turn pro or impress anyone. She’s right. But I hate being bad at things, especially in front of strangers.

Maybe it’s a guy thing? I’m ok being bad when I’m a complete beginner. I’ve never been waterskiing. I would be really bad at it initially and that would be expected. But at some point you want to move up to being at least average. Especially if you’ve purchased all the expensive gear. Nobody wants to be a poser. Maybe that’s where my issues started? When I was young I did a lot of surfing. In the surfing tribe it was critical to fit in (or maybe it was just a teenage thing). You could always spot a poser. They’d have brand new expensive wetsuits and boards, yet were complete kooks in the water. As kids are prone to do, we mercilessly made fun of those guys.

That desire to fit in with the tribe as a kid probably left an indelible imprint that’s lingered into middle age. I desperately don’t want to be that guy who has all the expensive gear but not be able to walk the walk. Reminds me of a great old movie, “Man’s Favorite Sport?” staring Rock Hudson. The main character is a famous fishing guide who’s written books on the subject. Turns out he’s never actually been fishing. His boss enters him in a fishing contest and hilarity ensues.

With things like skiing and mountain biking, I’m comfortably average. I can reasonably ride most any terrain and know exactly what my fitness and skill limitations are. Even if I don’t know you, I’d happily go for a ride if you ask and be confident that I won’t embarrass myself. Ask me to play golf and I’ll spend twenty minutes making excuses. I hurt my back. Haven’t played since last year. I used to play years ago, but am just now taking it up again. Anything to cover for the inevitable flubbing on the first tee.

It’s silly, isn’t it? I’m a grown-ass man. Am I really so vain at this point in my life that I’d care about what you think of my golf ability? Apparently so. And I hate myself for even caring about it. I should strive to be Rodney Dangerfield’s Al Czervik character in the movie Caddyshack. Loud, flamboyant, every golf gadget available, yet was hopeless at golf. He didn’t care what anyone thought because he was having fun.

Maybe that’s the ticket to busting through this weird anxiety I have? A form of de-sensitivity training. Perhaps I should go buy the most outrageous plaid golf pants I can find and wear an obnoxious Hawaiian shirt. Add some sort of ridiculous hat, tee up a bright pink ball on a naked lady tee and let’r rip. Maybe by going over the top and pretending I really don’t care what you think, I’ll convince myself that people actually really don’t care if I can hit the ball or not. Maybe. I’m just not sure Mrs Troutdog will still play golf with me dressed like that.

Cool, Daily Life, Health, Lists, Travel

Not Enough Electronics

Sitting here at my desk, I’m surrounded by an array of cords, chargers, batteries, and electronic devices. I don’t think I realized how dependent upon devices we’ve become until I did my last trip on the ginormous motorcycle. Here is the complete list of electronic things that had to be managed at the end of each day:

  • Helmet communications system. Due to a weird system requirement of Android Auto, the motorcycle’s GPS/mapping won’t work without the helmet communication. This got charged first each night.
  • Phone. Duh.
  • A giant bag of GoPro batteries. GoPro batteries last approximately 27 seconds so you need quite a few of them for all-day filming. I probably shouldn’t bother because anytime I came upon something interesting, the GoPro battery would be dead and I wouldn’t be in a spot where I could pull over and change them.
  • DSLR batteries. They last slightly longer than GoPro batteries. Unless it’s cold. Cut cold weather battery time in half. Then to be safe, assume it’s half of that.
  • InReach satellite device. I use it so folks can track my location/progress in real time. Plus it has the handy “Oh Shit” SOS button that I pray I never have to use.
  • Backup GPS device. Because I’m positive that the one time I really need to figure out my location my phone will die, I carry a handheld GPS. Just in case. Doesn’t mean I know how to use it, but at least I have it.
  • Kindle. I like to read. Unfortunately my Kindle is at least a decade old and the battery lasts less than a day.

Each of those devices has it’s own cord and charger. At the end of each day’s ride, my motel room would have cords and devices plugged into every outlet in the room. It looked like an FBI sting operation preparing to eavesdrop on some Jan 6 Boogaloo Bois. How have we gotten to the point that it takes this many electronics just to go for a ride?

Here’s where I do the standard old man, “when I was a kid”… Seriously, when I was a kid you got a paper map. If you were serious you had a fancy road atlas. You had to drive with the map spread out on the passenger seat, stealing glances at it from time to time to make sure you were on the right road. See an interesting sight? Pull out your trusty instamatic camera (no battery) and snap a pic. When the roll was done you’d drop it off at the drug store and come back a week later to see if any of the pictures came out.

The closest to a GPS device was the wonderous AAA Triptik. We’d go to the local office and describe the trip and route we were taking. Come back a few days later and they’d have a narrow spiral bound map book printed for you showing the route. You’d follow along bottom to top, then flip the page. As a kid I’d spend hours before the trip going through the book, looking at the route and all the cities and sights on the map.

Here’s something that will blow the younger readers minds. Imagine this scenario. You need to find a part for something. There’s no computers, internet, or cell phones. You’d pull out the trusty yellow pages and try to find stores that might have what you’re looking for. You’d have to call each of the stores to see if they had what you need. If it was a store someplace on the other side of town where you’d never been before, you’d pull out the map and figure out where it was. It wasn’t uncommon to have to call the store back and figure out the closest large cross-streets so you could locate it on the map. My strategy was to write down all the street names and turns on piece of paper so I wouldn’t have to look at the map while driving (safety first!). It seems so strange to think about, now that we have instant look-up and same-day Amazon delivery.

We’ve certainly come a long way. Progress is a good thing. Although I’m questioning if I really need that many electronics to go on a trip? Of course the answer is yes. Oh, and I’m contemplating adding another motorcycle-specific GPS to the bike. And then come winter I’ll need the heated vest that will have to be recharged each night. And when I go off-grid, that requires battery power blocks and solar panels to keep everything charged. I’ll soon need a chase vehicle to follow me with all my electronics and gear.

What’s the point of all of this? There really isn’t a point other than I was thinking about it while I was watching some money management, minimalist lifestyle advocate last night on YouTube. He was describing the three things that are worth spending money on. Number one? Experiences. Buying meaningless stuff in an attempt to keep up with the Jones won’t bring you happiness. But spending money on a trip or an activity that provides lasting memories or experiences does give long term happiness. You’re only here once, go make the most of it.

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

I Got Yelled At
  • People in the hospital are rarely happy (ok, maybe in the maternity ward). I’m generally not seeing people when they’re at their best. I accept that and knew it going in. I understand if someone gets a little snippy, or forgets to say thank you if you go above and beyond to do something for them when they’re in significant pain. This week however, was a special low point when it comes to patient and family behavior. It started with a schizoaffective patient constantly screaming at me to stop playing mind tricks on them, and then having to be brought back by security after running amuck through the hospital hallways. That’s a mental illness, so I don’t take it personally. Then there was a family member accusing me and anyone who came in the room of not caring about the patient and ignoring them and their needs. Constant very passive aggressive loud muttering about everyone having their heads up their asses and waiting 30 minutes after pressing the call light (it was 5, our system shows us exactly how long it’s been). Sigh… deep breath, their family member doesn’t look to have a good outcome. I’ll cut them some slack.
  • But then there was the real humdinger. A patient and family member who were both serious meth-heads, combined with a rainbow of other illicit substances, with no money, resources, or insurance, who were there for a trauma. For two days straight the patient yelled, screamed, cried, manipulated, and generally behaved like a flaming asshole to anyone unlucky enough to go in the room. The patient was getting enough pain medication to tranquilize a horse, yet screamed and cried that we were inflicting intentional torture. The family member would show up, hear this, and begin the litany of demands to see everyone from the charge nurse, floor supervisor, hospital president, and city mayor. The family member would then announce they couldn’t take their level of anger and had to leave before ripping someone’s head off. They’d return an hour or so later and it would begin again. This pattern repeated all day long. Any attempts to engage, refute, or otherwise point out they were being unreasonable only resulted in additional yelling, just at a louder volume.
  • Twelve hours a day, for two days is a lot to take of that sort of behavior. I was pretty angry and frustrated each night when I got home. Upon reflecting on those days, I think I’m most angry at myself for putting up with it. At the time it seemed easier to mostly ignore it. All three scenarios were verbal battles that I wouldn’t win. These were not people who’s minds were going to be changed. It’s often less stressful to simply nod and say mmm-hmm and get out of the room as fast as possible so you can get on with the thousand other tasks you have to get done. But I didn’t realize how much the cumulative impact of continually taking the verbal abuse would affect me. On the drive home after day two I briefly thought what the hell am I doing? At my age I don’t need to put up with this crap. But I still like the job. It’s rewarding in many ways that working as an engineer for mega-corp never was. But it seems like the hospital population is more and more the mentally ill, the indigent, and drug users who are not capable of dealing with life in general. The bad behavior has become so common that when receiving report on the rare, “nice”, patient a nurse will make a point of letting you know, “you’re lucky, he/she looks like a normal person”.
  • I’m not sure what the answer is. I could move to a clinic of some sort, but just taking blood pressures all day would be like watching paint dry. Besides, I’m in a spot where I have the perfect schedule. It would be hard to replicate it working on a different floor. I think I’m going to try an experiment. For the next few weeks I’m going to be a semi-jerk. There will be no shit taken from anyone. You want to be an asshole? I’m going to be one right back. Of course, in a professional manner. This may make my day more difficult (and certainly the charge nurses – people LOVE to escalate any perceived wrong at the drop of a hat), but I’ll be curious if my mental health will improve? Will I have an overall better outlook if I go home knowing that I didn’t accept any crap from people? Nursing is such a hard balance. How do you continually be compassionate for people in a bad situation, yet not let yourself become a doormat? If you know the secret, please let me know!

Song of the day: Twisted Sister – We’re Not Gonna Take it (Extended Version)

Cool, Daily Life, Politics

Radio Silence
  • As we traveled through the Trump years, there was always one constant. A never ending social media stream of negative comments, snarky one-liners, memes, linked articles, and virtue signaling over how horrible the former president and anyone associated with him was. I rarely checked Facebook because it was always an avalanche of negativity and Trump derangement syndrome (TDS) postings. It was truly toxic at times. Here’s the part I find curious. Now that Trumps out and Biden is in, I’d have thought we’d start seeing a flood of positive posts bragging about how much better, more competent, and smarter this new administration is. I was expecting a deluge of self-righteous gloating over how superior the Biden team is at handling the reigns of power. For God’s sake, we finally have a woman of color as vice president – her deft political skills should be trumpeted at every opportunity! But… nothing. Complete radio silence. I don’t think I’ve seen a single post praising anything the Biden administration has done from my friends on the left. I find it puzzling. Where is the vigorous defense and support of Biden from the left-leaning members of the public? Y’all were screeching like scalded cats for four plus years at the mere mention of the bad orange man. Why the sudden lack of interest in politics? It’s an interesting phenomenon. I will admit, I find it refreshing to not be bombarded with TDS every time I open up Facebook. It’s mostly returned to what I think it’s original purpose is – keeping up with day to day remote family and friend events and happenings. Oh, and never ending password phishing schemes masquerading as fun quizzes and questionnaires.
  • The last few days I’ve had the all-time worst (or at least in the top three) patient you could experience. A truly vile and horrible human being. Never ending berating, screaming at, and cursing every staff member who went in the room. Crying, manipulating, tantrums. Non stop accusations that she was being tortured, abused, and being denied her rights. At least one staff member was reduced to tears after one of her tirades. It’s overwhelmingly mentally exhausting to deal with that for twelve hours. I drove home last night wondering how someone could have turned into such a miserable person. What a waste of a life.
  • It was dumping snow a few days ago. It’s now nearly a hundred degrees. Must be due to climate change.
  • I spent way too much time this morning going through this list of lists. I was looking for a list of the Game of Thrones characters. We started re-watching the series and I’d forgotten how complex and convoluted (at times) the story lines could be. I didn’t find my list because I got side tracked by all the other lists.
  • I took a pretty good picture of a tree the other day. I’m proud of it, not because it’s anything special, but because it helped remind me that good pictures come from putting yourself in a position to take good pictures. I trudged up this hill in full motorcycle gear and crested the top only to be greeted by at least 30 school age kids on some sort of field trip. I was going to head back down since there was no way to get a picture without at least two of the kids being in the frame at any given time. For some reason, I decided to wait. I milled about and helped take pictures for several tourist couples. Suddenly, the crowd all started back down the hill. I ran over to the spot I’d been looking at and took a few pictures of the tree just as some rain started falling in the background. I had the spot to myself for about two minutes before a new crowd swarmed the hill. The storm blew out about 15 minutes later and the skies went clear. A few moments of patience (rare for me) paid off. Lesson learned.

Song of the day: B52’s – Private Idaho