Month: March 2024

Daily Life, Diet, Health

It’s A Problem Of Volume

The numbers are just depressing. But because of those pesky laws of thermodynamics, you can’t escape them. You can’t cheat them. The numbers don’t lie. One pound is 3,500 calories. To lose one pound a week you need to create a 500 calorie deficit every day. That’s it. No more or less complicated than that. Create the deficit and you lose weight. Go over and you gain. Simple, right?

The depressing part is that we’ve lost all sense of volume. While the internet has convinced you that seed oils are the devils work, the real problem is that you and I have no real concept of how many calories we consume. Our serving sizes have become ginormous. When you see what an actual serving size is, it no longer looks like it’s enough food. I’d still be hungry if that’s all I ate!

I start every morning with the full intention of tracking exactly my caloric intake. For example, this morning I resolved to eat a much smaller breakfast than normal. I made three scrambled eggs with a little bit of cheese and some avocado. Healthy, right? When you measure out the actual amount of cheese I used and factor in the butter I put in the pan, my breakfast was 800 calories. That’s approaching almost half of my daily calorie budget to hit my calorie deficit. Like I said, depressing. Because of that breakfast volume, I can now only have a small piece of steak and some broccoli for dinner. That will give me just enough calories to include a protein shake mid-day. That sucks.

Oh sure you can buy yourself some extra calories with exercise, but not enough to make up for the volume we normally eat. A three mile walk or a strength training session in the gym burns maybe a couple hundred calories. It gets you a little room in the calorie budget, but not much.

I live in a state of perpetual food guilt. I have a constant mental running total of roughly how many calories I think I’ve eaten. I bargain with myself all day long. I’ll eat this protein bar or half cup of skinny pop popcorn now, and then I’ll eat only half the steak tonight. I’ll have a beer with dinner, and I’ll just skip breakfast tomorrow to make up for it. It’s gotten to the point that I dread the idea of going out to dinner with friends. A restaurant menu is now just a list of things I can’t eat. It’s mentally exhausting and leads to never ending cravings. I don’t know what the answer is.

That’s not true – I know what the answer is, I just can’t seem to get there. For me, it’s an issue of activity. Being busy. When I was at my thinest I worked three 12 hour shifts in a row. I chose to eat only one meal a day on workdays. It worked because as a nurse I was so busy during my shift there was no time to think about food. I left the house at 06:30 am and got home at 8:00 pm and sprinted all day. It was easy to ignore hunger. I ate a massive meal when I got home, but it was still probably only 1200 calories at most. That gave me my weekly deficit. On my off days I was crazy active and busy. Trail running and mountain biking every day. I was too busy to think about food.

Now I’m home all day and for various reasons I have not been as active. Oh sure I do an activity almost every day – skiing, a workout, or a hike with the dog. But not with the intensity I used to. And I’m left with a lot of time to think about the pantry and fridge. Wondering what I can cut out tonight so I can have a bowl of popcorn now.

So it’s clear that I have some problems to solve. The first is to get a handle on exactly how many calories I’m consuming. It’s time for at least a few weeks of weighing and measuring everything. I need to understand portion size and stop eyeballing volume. I should probably meal prep, but that just sucks. I might need to resort to a pre-made, calorie controlled meal service. Anything to keep the volume in check.

Second, and probably most important, I need to find a way to get busy again. Out of the house and away from the fridge. A day full of activities so I’m not thinking about being hungry. Truly a first world problem.

It’s crazy how powerful the food addiction is. Any addiction, I suppose. The moment you decide to tackle the problem, your brain goes into overdrive and decides to remind you all day long of the very thing you’re trying to quit. Breaking that cycle of thinking about and craving something is one of the hardest things to do mentally.

So, we’re ready to start a new week. As the old saying goes, “If it can’t be measured, it can’t be managed”. Weighing and measuring everything.

Meanwhile, I’m off to a family Sunday brunch and trying to ignore all the food. Sigh. How did we get to this point?

Daily Life, Government, woke

Now What?

Susan looked down at the desk. Three different color highlight markers were lined up precisely on the right hand corner. The book was centered on the desk, propped up at a slight angle. She had a notebook just to the side for jotting down important things to reference later. Susan loved studying in the library. The quiet. The purposefulness of being there. Her roommates were too loud and not always the most studious, so the library was her refuge. In truth, she’d always been a good student and spent more time in the library than with friends or playing sports. She didn’t mind. This was where she was comfortable.

Feeling the light haptic buzz on the wrist from her smartwatch, she glanced down at it. She saw the partial title from the new email and breathed in a quick involuntary gasp. “From: Columbia School….” This was it. She’d been waiting for this moment ever since pushing the application submit button yesterday. Well, truthfully ever since starting high school she’d wanted to be a journalist. She worked with singleminded focus ever since. Joining a few carefully selected clubs. Writing for the school paper. An internship at a human rights organization. She been very careful with social media from the beginning. Always adding a like to the important social issues of the moment. Making sure to have the correct flags and symbols in her profile at all times. She prided herself in properly honoring peoples pronouns when emailing them. While she didn’t have many friends, she did have several acquaintances who were people of color. She’d made sure her photos with them were prominent on her social media feed.

Susan pulled out her phone to read the message. Her hands trembled as she opened up the email. “Thank you for your interest in The Columbia School of Journalism. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you a spot in the next cohort. Our Admissions Team found several things in your record that did not meet Columbia’s high standards of admission…”

She felt the hot tears starting to fall down her cheeks. How could this be? She’d done everything right. She’d sacrificed. She had straight A’s. She’d stayed off social media other than the carefully curated time she planned out so she’d have the exact right online presence. Only to have her fate decided by an AI engine in less than a day. An AI engine that took her name and national ID number, which is all the “application” consisted of, and instantly scanned her entire on-line history. An algorithm designed to evaluate if she fit the current DEI profile Columbia needed in order to maintain their federal journalism license.

The wave of despair she felt was paralyzing. Now what? She hadn’t applied anywhere else. It wouldn’t matter at this point. A rejection is now in the system and no other school was going to take her with that on her record. The reality of a lifetime of blue collar work began to set in. She struggled to catch her breath.

Matt’s finger hovered over the submit button. Was this going to work? His parents had been smart, purchasing a second ID as soon as he’d been born. His entire life, he used that ID to surf the internet, log into online games, and shit post on X and various counter culture forums. His real ID had been cultivated like a rare flower. Even though it was illegal to use one of the dark web ID coaches, his parents thought it was worth the risk. Everything his real ID did online was carefully calculated for maximum effect. His online self was a perfect being.

Like Susan, Matt didn’t apply anywhere else. A few years ago he’d briefly thought about simply applying to one of the merit based schools, but those were mostly in the midwest flyover part of the country. Graduating with a bunch of deplorables only to be some sort of materials engineer wasn’t going to make his parents happy. It had been important to them from the moment he was born that he be a lawyer and part of the East Coast establishment. That was only real path to power and money.

The second ID had been a risk for sure. The AI engines were smart and able to collate and cross-reference millions of online interactions he or his parents had and look for irregularities. Even with spoofed IP addresses, was there a chance the fake ID could be somehow linked to him? Matt hoped not. His parents had paid a lot of money over the years to the ID coaches to ensure his real persona was squeaky clean.

Like Susan, he didn’t have a backup plan if he didn’t get accepted. The thought of having no other options other than being a blue collar drone or autonomous vehicle operator was not something he wanted to think about.

His finger hovered over the submit button a little longer before he pushed it.

Cool

I’ve Lost The Edge

For those of you old enough to remember, there’s a scene in the original Top Gun movie in which Cougar visits Cmdr. Stinger after crash landing his plane. He’s covered in sweat and tells the Commander “I’m holding on too tight. I’ve lost the edge”, and turns in his wings. This is how I feel every spring when I start riding the motorcycle again.

In my part of the world we have this thing called winter. Being that I live in a mountainous region, my winter is full of snow. This is a good thing since I like to ski, but it’s not so good for riding a motorcycle. Every fall the bike(s) get put away and every spring I wait for a day or two when the snow is mostly melted off the road and the temps are above freezing. I drag out my riding gear and pray the battery is still good. I roll the bike out of the garage and wonder if it was this heavy last year?

It’s hard to describe what it feels like to ride a motorcycle after riding all summer. Everything just feels… in balance. You don’t have to think about anything, it just happens. Riding is a smooth, flowing experience. Muscle memory takes over and you shift and brake without realizing you’re doing it. Balance feels effortless. A slight drop of a heel, a small push of the handlebars, and the bike does exactly what you want it to do. Most importantly it feels like your vision slows down. It’s hard to describe. You see and anticipate everything. You notice holes, ruts, and sand long before you get there. It’s magic.

The first rides in spring are not that. Everything is just… awkward. I couldn’t remember some of the controls for electronics. I killed the engine because I put the kickstand down without being in neutral. I leaned a little too far in a corner and had to do a panic correction. It seems like I lost all sense of balance. Acceleration from a stop is jerky and uncoordinated. I forget to cancel my turn signal.

And the oddest sensation is that everything feels like it’s happening at 3x speed. Corners and ruts came up before I could see them. Traffic seems like it’s going way too fast. I never had the feeling that I could safely look around while I was riding because something would happen faster than I could react.

I made things worse because I’d taken a class towards the end of last summer that had us change the position of brake pedals, levers, and handlebars. I’d barely gotten used to the changes before fall, so now nothing feels right. On top of that I switched to a very heavy, stiff motocross boot and I can no longer feel the rear brake pedal with my foot. The result is that I mash the pedal too hard and slowing down is an ugly lurching thing – too hard, too soft, too hard again.

The end result is the worst thing you can have as a motorcycle rider – I got tentative and a little nervous. Rather than standing up and comfortably powering through gravel and soft dirt, I slowed way down and sat down on the seat. At one point I completely drifted to the wrong side of the (dirt) road because I was so worried about the gravel and sliding. I was panic grabbing the front brake which is the exact opposite of what you should do.

Just like Cougar, I’ve lost the edge. I’m holding on too tight. The difference is – I know I’ll get past this. I have to go through it every year. It’s a matter of time and practice. Somewhere around June I’ll realize that the flow is back and it’s hard to remember why this was so hard?

If you’re new at something, especially something scary, just know that we’ve all been there. Everyone had the exact same feelings you have. For some of us, we have to go through it every single year. It does get easier, I promise.

I refuse to turn in my wings.

Daily Life, Motivation

It Really Is A Drug

This is going to be a little embarrassing. But I suppose, like any good twelve step program, the first step is admitting you are powerless over your addiction. My morning routine every morning, day in and day out, 365 days a year is as follows; Up at 4:30-6, make coffee, surf news sites and X/Twitter until 8-9:30am. At that point I start my day. Why is this embarrassing? That routine means that I average 1,095 hours a year mindlessly scrolling through news sites. I give up six and a half weeks of my life every year to an algorithm designed to keep me scrolling.

But it’s worse than that. I’ve noticed lately that I can’t stop checking in on my phone. Sit down for a few minutes and I compulsively find myself quickly scrolling through X/Twitter to see if anything new happened. During commercial breaks or pausing a TV show to let the dog out, I’m instantly on the phone flipping through stupid Instagram reels of funny animals, car crashes, and people doing stupid shit. Waiting in line at the grocery store, boom, out comes the phone. It truly is a drug.

What a waste. I suppose on the other hand, it’s not like I was going to invent an amazing new chemical compound that solves the problem of plastics in our landfills during that extra six weeks a year. But still, there must be something more productive I could be doing with that time. Watching cat videos and reading three sentence “news” blurbs is not exactly making me more informed. Sure, I can chat casually with someone at a cocktail party about current events (if I was to actually go to a cocktail party) but that doesn’t mean I actually know anything about the subject. X/Twitter has given me the back of the milk carton condensed version of the news. Which is usually just enough to make me angry and/or to start a fight at the holiday dinner table.

I believe it’s time for a detox. We’ll start with the phone. First step, put it away. I’m going to keep it on my dresser in the bedroom all day. Sure I’ll make a point of glancing at it occasionally to see if there was a missed call or text message, but I don’t need to obsessively carry it around with me in the house. I’m not a doctor on call 24×7 who needs instant access. There is literally nothing so important that it couldn’t wait the 45 minutes I was in the backyard working on the garden. Sure I might miss out on that hilarious meme I came across during a commercial break while watching Seinfeld reruns, but I’m sure I’ll survive.

Now for the harder one – the morning computer screen time. I’m not changing my wake up time or the time I start my day. I’m a slug, I admit it. I need several hours before I can get moving. The question is, what to do with those hours? I’m not going to give up the news entirely. I am a news junkie after all. I think the recovery approach will be twofold. First, limit the amount of scrolling through X/Twitter. Anything major or newsworthy that’s happened will show up in the feed within about five minutes. So let give ourselves a thirty minute budget to flip through some news sites and scroll through tweets. Done, I know now roughly what’s happening in the world. Now what?

I think the remaining time will be spent on reading long-form essays. Probably going to have to be subscription based. In reality anything worth reading takes a writer days to weeks to compose. A banger tweet, or paragraph posted on CNN.com, probably didn’t have a whole lot of thought put behind it. I’m at the age where I’m better off reading quality over quantity.

I’d also be much better served by spending my morning time working on creative pursuits than reading speculation about the latest celebrity gossip. Writing, maybe editing a photo or video. Anything to get the brain juices flowing. At my age I don’t have many brain cells left so I may as well exercise them.

So there you go. The confession of a news/phone/Twitter junkie. The first step is to admit you have a problem. Now let’s make a change. If you see more frequent posts here, you know it’s working. If I’m radio silent, you’ll know that I’m still mired in the addictive world of Russian dash-cam crash videos and reading pithy one-liners about how evil the other political party is.

Wish me luck. The algorithms are powerful, fueled by AI, and designed to prevent you from breaking out of the matrix. It’s time to take that red pill.

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

Anticipation

It was quiet. Birds chirping. A light breeze blowing through the tops of the trees. The occasional whoomph as a clump of snow fell somewhere off in the distance. Most importantly, it was warm. I had to stop several times and simply stand with my face turned towards the sun, soaking in the rays. It was glorious. I was out skate skiing with my dog and had been looking forward to this for several days. That epic blue sky ski outing was the perfect antidote to a long gray winter.

The spring like weather continued over the weekend, and we took full advantage. Gardening, spring cleaning, taking the storm windows off. Yesterday I napped in the sun for an hour and sat in the backyard reading a book late into the afternoon. As I lay in the sun, my mind continuously went over things I could do this week with this window of perfect weather. I’ll get the motorcycle out. The trails are probably dry enough to go for a mountain bike ride. I can hike the dog without the trails being a muddy, sloppy mess. I might dust off the drone and go flying. So many possibilities.

As I lay there sunning skin that is pasty white from a long winter of coats and pants and flannel, I had a bit of an epiphany. It wasn’t just the sun that was putting me in a good mood. It was anticipation of all the things I wanted to do. I was starting to plan and look forward to the future again.

People always say that as you transition into retirement it’s important to stay busy. To maintain a schedule. They say that to be happy you need to have a purpose. I think that’s only partially true. What we really need is anticipation.

With that warm weather ski, I decided to drag out my camera gear and make a little video of the hound running around with me. Editing that video got me thinking about what I wanted to film this summer. That turned into several hours of organizing camera gear and ordering some parts for the drone. I watched some videos of tips for filming different camera angles and it really got me excited to try them out soon. The anticipation – the feeling of looking forward to something gave me that little dopamine hit that put me in a good mood.

Similarly, I was chatting with a buddy that I ride motorcycles with. He said that he really wanted to do more motorcycle camping this summer. That led to hours of researching which campgrounds will be snow free the soonest. It gave me a good feeling to think about the trips we might take, planning routes, and getting gear ready. Anticipation.

We have a trip to Mexico coming up. Another trip to see some family we don’t see often enough. Friends are driving across country in their motorhome to see us this summer, ride motorcycles and explore the area. I’m looking forward to all these things. I want more of that feeling of “looking forward to”.

If you think about it, anticipation is everything. The restaurant you’ve been wanting to try that you made reservations for. A concert you’ve been wanting to see. A tee time at a new golf course. Meeting friends for lunch that you haven’t seen in a while. It doesn’t matter what it is, the key is having that sense of pleasant anticipation.

That’s what keeps us moving forward.

Lose that and it’s over. If you’ve got nothing to look forward to, then what’s the point?

This winter was harsh. Bad snow, limited ski days, gray, storms, and cold. With, what felt like limited options to do anything, I found myself I found myself more and more frequently retreating to my comfy chair to read and nap. More napping than reading realistically. The more napping I did, the less inclined I was to go plan something to do. Sloth begets sloth, as the saying goes. I now realize that the prescription for next year is pre-planning things. A sprinkling of quick trips to explore cities we haven’t been to. Scheduling ski lessons to improve skills and keep me motivated. It doesn’t matter what it is. What’s important is to have a steady diet of anticipation for something.

I think this is why spring feels like such a joyous time. After a long winter, warm sun brings out the feeling of possibility. You can bust out the shorts and bathing suits. Think about swimming in the lake, riding your bike, or heading out on that summer vacation. It’s the anticipation that makes us feel good.

I’m going to spend the next few weeks planning activities. I think I’ll overcompensate this summer and try to have non-stop activities. I want to be in never ending planning mode. Upcoming motorcycle trips, camping trips, road trips, day outings, and activities. I want so much god damn anticipation I’ll be begging for some down time.

The dopamine rush from a warm day and looking forward to possibilities is addicting. I want more of that feeling. I don’t want to go back to the monotone feeling of sitting in the comfy chair and napping.

Now excuse me, I’m going to go get my dog a hike. He’s been looking forward all day for his run and chasing birds.

Anticipation.

Daily Life, Government, Solving the wrong problem

The Future Is Information Mining

Way back in the horse and buggy days when I went to school, the focus was still on the three “R’s”. Reading, wRiting, and aRithmetic. The learning methodology was still based upon the Prussian public school system. Be quiet and obedient. Listen to the lesson. Do the homework. Rote memorization. Take a test to prove you’ve memorized the material. I don’t think we’ve evolved much beyond that. Oh sure there’s been technological advances and challenges, but that’s nothing new. I’m old enough to remember when the pocket calculator became affordable. Teachers were petrified that students would “cheat” by using a calculator. We were admonished to not use one at home because you won’t really learn and you won’t get to use one for the test.

Smart phones and the internet brought new challenges for teachers. The answers to everything are a click away. How do you keep kids from cheating? A number of years ago I went back to school and had a number of online classes. The teachers solution to test taking in that environment was to have timed tests. You were given just enough time to answer all the questions, assuming you understood the material. If you tried to look things up you’d run out of time.

And now we have AI, smart watches, and the new Apple Vision Pro spatial computer. The challenge for teachers today to ensure the student is learning and not cheating is almost insurmountable. The question is, should they even bother any more? Is rote memorization still the appropriate way to teach and learn?

With the entirety of human knowledge a click away, why do I need to memorize the times tables or what the names of the generals in the civil war were? I can get an AI-generated summary of any subject or question I might have, instantly. I can find a video to teach anything I might want to know for free. There’s entire catalogs of free courses on just about anything. I learned more from the online Khan Academy videos teaching chemistry than the college professor I paid $$$ to sit in front of for months. What role does school play now that all knowledge is instantly available to everyone?

I’d argue that the future is not learning information – it’s learning how to find information. And perhaps more importantly, how to evaluate and present information. As we saw with Google’s disastrous Gemini image generation roll-out, machine learning is still influenced by humans with bias. Teaching kids to evaluate and think about what they see is probably the most valuable skill we could give them. And we’re failing miserably at it.

If you weren’t already aware, the CIA and NSA have been conducting massive disinformation campaigns here in the US, as well as across the world. The monitor every word written in social media and build machine learning heat maps of trending topics and words. They work with the big social media companies to suppress topics they don’t want to give voice to. They then plant stories with news agencies and bot farms to trend more favorable topics.

The vast majority of the public is not terribly tech savvy and we seem to have lost the ability to think critically. We simply consume whatever information is in front of us and take it as the gospel truth. We mindlessly scroll through our social media, taking our “knowledge” in one or two sentence chunks. Our TV news consists of 30 second “hits” crafted to fit the bias of whatever your cable news channel of choice is. I don’t think most people really understand how curated the information they consume has become. The days of watching Walter Cronkite tell us what happened in the world today are long gone.

Perhaps scarier is our loss of attention span. There’s a reason Facebook/Instagram Reels and YouTube shorts are the most popular formats out there. It’s like crack. 10-20 second videos designed to keep you scrolling like a zombie. How many of you know that that Facebook/Instagram tracks exactly how long you spend looking at a post? They know how fast or slow you’re scrolling through the feed and serve up the content that you linger the longest over. The algorithm is constantly learning how best to keep feeding you content that keeps you scrolling.

The things you like, the products you buy, and the political views you have are all now driven by machine learning artificial intelligence. The older generation, the byproducts of traditional learning, are simply not equipped to evaluate the information they consume in a critical way. If we’re to survive the AI revolution, we need a new generation of kids who are taught how to navigate information warfare. Young adults who know how to find information, think critically, and navigate the brave new world without becoming digital slaves.

Right now our tech overlords are winning. Our school system is hopelessly outdated and is being kept that way on purpose. A new generation of kids with 15 second attention spans, incapable of human conversation and lacking any curiosity or sense of adventure are the future. They have no sense of history and assume whatever MSNBC tells them is true. DEI ensures that mediocrity is the norm. The CIA/NSA/Facebook/Google/Media cabal are shaping them into whatever they want. They are being turned into obedient little soldiers who will become the future leaders of the country. It’s pretty bleak if you think about it.

I’m not sure what the answer is. We need more Elon Musks in the world. Twitter/X is one of the last bastions of free speech and we need to ensure it survives. We need someone to create a school system/curriculum that teaches kids how to think, not what to think. A system that teaches them how to mine for information and fight back against the establishment.

Rather than the old Prussian system, perhaps we’ll call it… The Contrarian School. A nationwide group of homeschools, networked and sharing a common set of values towards learning. I can already see the conversation. Two moms at a playground. One mom asks the other, “So which school does your child go to?” The other mom replies, “Well, we’re Contrarians so we homeschool.” The first mom gathers up her kids and tells them to stay away from the Contrarian kids. They’re dangerous.

Hmmm. That has the makings of a novel. If only people still read books. Sigh.