Tag: Addiction

Daily Life, Diet, Health

It’s A Problem Of Volume

The numbers are just depressing. But because of those pesky laws of thermodynamics, you can’t escape them. You can’t cheat them. The numbers don’t lie. One pound is 3,500 calories. To lose one pound a week you need to create a 500 calorie deficit every day. That’s it. No more or less complicated than that. Create the deficit and you lose weight. Go over and you gain. Simple, right?

The depressing part is that we’ve lost all sense of volume. While the internet has convinced you that seed oils are the devils work, the real problem is that you and I have no real concept of how many calories we consume. Our serving sizes have become ginormous. When you see what an actual serving size is, it no longer looks like it’s enough food. I’d still be hungry if that’s all I ate!

I start every morning with the full intention of tracking exactly my caloric intake. For example, this morning I resolved to eat a much smaller breakfast than normal. I made three scrambled eggs with a little bit of cheese and some avocado. Healthy, right? When you measure out the actual amount of cheese I used and factor in the butter I put in the pan, my breakfast was 800 calories. That’s approaching almost half of my daily calorie budget to hit my calorie deficit. Like I said, depressing. Because of that breakfast volume, I can now only have a small piece of steak and some broccoli for dinner. That will give me just enough calories to include a protein shake mid-day. That sucks.

Oh sure you can buy yourself some extra calories with exercise, but not enough to make up for the volume we normally eat. A three mile walk or a strength training session in the gym burns maybe a couple hundred calories. It gets you a little room in the calorie budget, but not much.

I live in a state of perpetual food guilt. I have a constant mental running total of roughly how many calories I think I’ve eaten. I bargain with myself all day long. I’ll eat this protein bar or half cup of skinny pop popcorn now, and then I’ll eat only half the steak tonight. I’ll have a beer with dinner, and I’ll just skip breakfast tomorrow to make up for it. It’s gotten to the point that I dread the idea of going out to dinner with friends. A restaurant menu is now just a list of things I can’t eat. It’s mentally exhausting and leads to never ending cravings. I don’t know what the answer is.

That’s not true – I know what the answer is, I just can’t seem to get there. For me, it’s an issue of activity. Being busy. When I was at my thinest I worked three 12 hour shifts in a row. I chose to eat only one meal a day on workdays. It worked because as a nurse I was so busy during my shift there was no time to think about food. I left the house at 06:30 am and got home at 8:00 pm and sprinted all day. It was easy to ignore hunger. I ate a massive meal when I got home, but it was still probably only 1200 calories at most. That gave me my weekly deficit. On my off days I was crazy active and busy. Trail running and mountain biking every day. I was too busy to think about food.

Now I’m home all day and for various reasons I have not been as active. Oh sure I do an activity almost every day – skiing, a workout, or a hike with the dog. But not with the intensity I used to. And I’m left with a lot of time to think about the pantry and fridge. Wondering what I can cut out tonight so I can have a bowl of popcorn now.

So it’s clear that I have some problems to solve. The first is to get a handle on exactly how many calories I’m consuming. It’s time for at least a few weeks of weighing and measuring everything. I need to understand portion size and stop eyeballing volume. I should probably meal prep, but that just sucks. I might need to resort to a pre-made, calorie controlled meal service. Anything to keep the volume in check.

Second, and probably most important, I need to find a way to get busy again. Out of the house and away from the fridge. A day full of activities so I’m not thinking about being hungry. Truly a first world problem.

It’s crazy how powerful the food addiction is. Any addiction, I suppose. The moment you decide to tackle the problem, your brain goes into overdrive and decides to remind you all day long of the very thing you’re trying to quit. Breaking that cycle of thinking about and craving something is one of the hardest things to do mentally.

So, we’re ready to start a new week. As the old saying goes, “If it can’t be measured, it can’t be managed”. Weighing and measuring everything.

Meanwhile, I’m off to a family Sunday brunch and trying to ignore all the food. Sigh. How did we get to this point?

Daily Life, Motivation

It Really Is A Drug

This is going to be a little embarrassing. But I suppose, like any good twelve step program, the first step is admitting you are powerless over your addiction. My morning routine every morning, day in and day out, 365 days a year is as follows; Up at 4:30-6, make coffee, surf news sites and X/Twitter until 8-9:30am. At that point I start my day. Why is this embarrassing? That routine means that I average 1,095 hours a year mindlessly scrolling through news sites. I give up six and a half weeks of my life every year to an algorithm designed to keep me scrolling.

But it’s worse than that. I’ve noticed lately that I can’t stop checking in on my phone. Sit down for a few minutes and I compulsively find myself quickly scrolling through X/Twitter to see if anything new happened. During commercial breaks or pausing a TV show to let the dog out, I’m instantly on the phone flipping through stupid Instagram reels of funny animals, car crashes, and people doing stupid shit. Waiting in line at the grocery store, boom, out comes the phone. It truly is a drug.

What a waste. I suppose on the other hand, it’s not like I was going to invent an amazing new chemical compound that solves the problem of plastics in our landfills during that extra six weeks a year. But still, there must be something more productive I could be doing with that time. Watching cat videos and reading three sentence “news” blurbs is not exactly making me more informed. Sure, I can chat casually with someone at a cocktail party about current events (if I was to actually go to a cocktail party) but that doesn’t mean I actually know anything about the subject. X/Twitter has given me the back of the milk carton condensed version of the news. Which is usually just enough to make me angry and/or to start a fight at the holiday dinner table.

I believe it’s time for a detox. We’ll start with the phone. First step, put it away. I’m going to keep it on my dresser in the bedroom all day. Sure I’ll make a point of glancing at it occasionally to see if there was a missed call or text message, but I don’t need to obsessively carry it around with me in the house. I’m not a doctor on call 24×7 who needs instant access. There is literally nothing so important that it couldn’t wait the 45 minutes I was in the backyard working on the garden. Sure I might miss out on that hilarious meme I came across during a commercial break while watching Seinfeld reruns, but I’m sure I’ll survive.

Now for the harder one – the morning computer screen time. I’m not changing my wake up time or the time I start my day. I’m a slug, I admit it. I need several hours before I can get moving. The question is, what to do with those hours? I’m not going to give up the news entirely. I am a news junkie after all. I think the recovery approach will be twofold. First, limit the amount of scrolling through X/Twitter. Anything major or newsworthy that’s happened will show up in the feed within about five minutes. So let give ourselves a thirty minute budget to flip through some news sites and scroll through tweets. Done, I know now roughly what’s happening in the world. Now what?

I think the remaining time will be spent on reading long-form essays. Probably going to have to be subscription based. In reality anything worth reading takes a writer days to weeks to compose. A banger tweet, or paragraph posted on CNN.com, probably didn’t have a whole lot of thought put behind it. I’m at the age where I’m better off reading quality over quantity.

I’d also be much better served by spending my morning time working on creative pursuits than reading speculation about the latest celebrity gossip. Writing, maybe editing a photo or video. Anything to get the brain juices flowing. At my age I don’t have many brain cells left so I may as well exercise them.

So there you go. The confession of a news/phone/Twitter junkie. The first step is to admit you have a problem. Now let’s make a change. If you see more frequent posts here, you know it’s working. If I’m radio silent, you’ll know that I’m still mired in the addictive world of Russian dash-cam crash videos and reading pithy one-liners about how evil the other political party is.

Wish me luck. The algorithms are powerful, fueled by AI, and designed to prevent you from breaking out of the matrix. It’s time to take that red pill.

Cool, Daily Life, Health

Return To The 18th Century
  • Our power went out early yesterday morning. There I was reading another fascinating online article about the benefits of juice vs coffee cleanses, and poof, the world went dark. My heart began to race as I sat there, plunged into darkness. Was this it? The beginning of the apocalypse? Did that plump little dictator in North Korea set off an EMP over the US? Thank god I have years of prepper know how-under my belt. I stumbled downstairs in the dark and struggled to find a flashlight. Should I grab the bug-out bags or the weapons first? Damn, I think the truck has only a quarter tank of fuel. I’ve already violated a pepper rule by letting it get below a half tank. Meanwhile, Mrs Troutdog was tearing apart a junk drawer looking for a second flashlight. Once located, we realized the batteries were dead. Another frantic search in the dark for batteries and we were back in business. A brief moment of panic set in – I don’t remember if I replenished our toilet paper supply. This could get ugly in a hurry. I may have to start looting the local co-op before the zombie hoards realize how vulnerable we are. Then out of the corner of my eye, I spotted it. A twinkling of light outside. I moved to the front windows and and realized my neighbors have power. A deep sigh as a wave of relief washed over me. We can stand down from DEFCON 2. It’s only a local power outage. As we sat there, huddled in the dark, I contemplated my pepper failures. When go-time came, I wasn’t ready. I have brought shame upon the prepper community. By the time the power was restored an hour later, I had resolved to better prepare and rehearse our defensive strategies. The credit card is coming out and truckloads of supplies will be ordered. Well, maybe tomorrow. I want to go skiing today. Ok, this week for sure I’ll get it done.
  • I haven’t written much lately. I think I’m on outrage overload. I keep reading and seeing the ridiculousness that this country is plunging into and vow that I’m going to write a blistering and brilliant essay on that topic. By the time I sit down I realize that I just don’t care. It’s pointless. From time to time shouting at the moon may make me feel better, but it really serves no purpose. I do have some sympathy now for the left though. Four years of perpetual outrage at the bad orange man must have been exhausting. I can see why they were ready to vote for anything that had a pulse that wasn’t Trump. I feel that way and it’s only day 60 something of the Biden administration. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel after four years. I might even be tempted to vote for Jeb! just to get rid of President Harris.
  • Watch this short clip and honestly tell me this man is the one who’s in charge, setting the agenda, and running the country. It’s a little scary. Today’s press conference should be interesting.
  • I took a motorcycle class. Mrs Troutdog signed up for a 102 level class to gain some additional skills on a heavier motorcycle before her new one arrives. I joined her in support. Plus it’s always good to learn and practice skills. Unfortunately this turned out to be a beginner course for people who need to get their motorcycle endorsement but have ridden before. Oh well, it was still fun to practice on a different bike. And I passed. It would have been embarrassing if I couldn’t do the skills after riding so many years. Now I just have to improve my confidence on the new ginormous motorcycle.
  • I know it’s blasphemy, but I’m ready for summer. Normally I love winter and don’t want ski season to end. This year has been weird. We’ve had virtually no blue sky, spring skiing days. Lots of gray and low visibility days. It wears on me. And with the new motorcycle my attention just hasn’t been as much on skiing. Having said that, it’s currently dumping snow. I guess I’ll get one more powder day in. Life is rough.
  • I have no idea what this video is for, but I can relate to many of the accidents. I’m not as smooth and suave as I think I am in my head.
  • Sorry for this, but I’m going to waste the next twenty minutes of your day. This website lets you draw an iceberg and then it will show you how it would float. It’s bizarrely addicting.

Song of the day: Lo Fidelity Allstars – Battleflag

Cool, Daily Life, Health, Motivation

I Have A Problem

Cool things, random thoughts, advice, and independent thinking from someone who’s been around the sun a few times.

  • Confession time. I have a weakness. A dirty little secret. I’ve developed a.. rice problem. Yes, rice. I never eat rice. As in I couldn’t tell you the last time I ate rice. It’s not that I don’t like it, it just never occurs to me. Then a month ago I was shopping at Costco while hungry. This is a bad thing. The end result was I came home with a 25 pound bag of jasmine rice. Since then I’ve had a huge bowl of the stuff daily, sometimes twice a day. I’m craving it. I literally wake up in the morning thinking about it. It’s medium in the glycemic index so it’s not the most horrible thing I could be eating, but certainly not something I should be consuming daily. Such a strange craving. So now on top of all the other bad habits I have, I need to break my rice addiction. Sigh…
  • The Far Side comics are now online. This is a good thing. Gary Larson even wrote a long letter explaining why.
  • I had fresh powder yesterday for my first day of the alpine season. This makes me happy. Also, I should have done more some squats over the summer. I’m not walking so well this morning.
  • I wrote the other day that I’d ordered some pants from Northbound Gear. Still very happy with them, but I discovered that one of the pairs was missing a belt. No biggie, sent email to customer service asking if they could send a replacement belt. Received a reply back informing me that my pants had been delivered. Hmmm. Not what I was asking. Sent another email. Received a reply back this morning asking for images of the pants?? Ok. Stay tuned.
  • Still undecided on the running goal. Still drifting towards no. But… I really want to. Can I go from couch to goal, or is it just stupid and I’m begging for injury? Skiing yesterday showed me my legs are not nearly as “in shape” as I thought they were. I’m paralyzed with indecision.
  • We’ve been thinking about a vacation. We have a timeshare in Mexico we haven’t used in a while, so why not go there? The US state department just updated the Mexico danger map. The odds of an issue in a resort town are pretty low, but still. It’s incredibly sad that Mexico is a failed state. Fantastic people, food, sights, and resources. Corruption and cartels have ruined it.
  • I’m working Christmas eve and day. That means well intentioned patients family members bring us large plates of every possible cookie, chocolate, and candy. It’s a serious willpower test. I may bring bowls of rice to distract myself.

Song of the day: “One Day” Matisyahu – kid in a coffee shop performing it and doesn’t realize the guy at the counter is Matisyahu.