Tag: style

Find Me A Baseball Cap

The other day I wrote a bit of an angry screed. I’ve been a bit under the weather, cooped up and under house quarantine. 48 hours of fever and non-stop reading of the internet and… well, I got a little fired up. But then I stumbled upon some advice from Jen Psaki about managing anger and stress. She counseled Americans to go to a kickboxing class and have a margarita to get over their anger. Well by golly, you know what? It works! It was just like the Oracle told Neo in the Matrix, “Here. Take a cookie. I promise, by the time you’re done eating it, you’ll feel right as rain.” Happy Monday everyone, I’m ready to take on a new day!

What better way to start a new week and new year than by cultivating a new look? Don’t worry, I’m not going to do the bored housewife cuts all their hair off in a cute bob thing… my hair’s already short. (sidebar, women please don’t cut your hair short. Unless you weigh approximately 105 pounds, it doesn’t work. Trust me on this. Just like men wearing speedos, only about .001% of the population can pull this look off) There’s not much I can do hair-wise. I tried long and unfortunately it did not, in fact, make me look like Brad Pitt. My only other option is shaving my head, but I’m saving that for the angry old man, get off my lawn phase. So, what to do now?

Mrs Troutdog and I were watching the Mexican Narcos series on Netflix last night and out of the blue she says, “have you ever had sideburns?” Hmmm. That’s a twist I hadn’t thought of. I’ve tried a beard once and quickly realized the best I can do is a sad, scraggly, hipster looking thing, so that’s out. My current look is a three-day stubble that’s supposed to convey a rugged, Carhartt wearing, George Clooney, manliness vibe – but pretty much just looks like I was too lazy to shave (which is also true). Sideburns though, I might be able to pull that off with a bit of combover (combdown?) action. I don’t know if I should be jealous that she was looking at a sexy, Mexican, cartel boss when she mentioned it, but I’ll go with it. He also had a goatee, so I’ve decided that’s going to be the new look. A 80’s era long sideburn and goatee vibe. I wonder if I could also pull off a Snidely Whiplash waxed and twirled mustache? (serious bonus points if you remember who that is)

Since I’m challenged in the facial hair department, the new look should be ready by August. Perhaps I should take a picture a day and post it on Twitter? Knowing social media, I’d probably gain about a million followers and end up being some sort of famous influencer for beard and mustache products. I’m kind of a private guy, so I guess we’ll hold off on that.

Since this has devolved into a fashion blog, my other current crisis is that I can’t find a ball cap I like. I wear a ball cap at least seven days a week. My hair is usually uncooperative at best, so throwing on a hat is just easier. I’ve always had a large collection of ball caps to suit my mood, but as time goes on, they fray, fall apart, get eaten by the dog, and generally become nasty and unwearable. One by one my hat collection has dwindled to the point that I’m down to a final hat. I used to find hats I liked everywhere. I bought ’em all the time on vacations, I’d spot one in a storefront, freebies at tradeshows, etc… Lately I can’t seem to find one that looks right. This is a serious issue.

I can’t put my finger on it, but every hat I try on just doesn’t look right. I’ve bought three just in the last few months and there’s something just a bit, off, about all of them. The dog got to my last good hat, so it now has a big tear in the side. This is no longer a laughing matter. I need to find a hat I like. But then again, perhaps the problem isn’t the hat? Maybe it’s that as a middle-aged man who will soon be sporting a dashing set of sideburns and devastatingly handsome goatee… I no longer need to be wearing ball cap?

After all, did you ever see James Bond (I’m talking Sean Connery/Daniel Craig. Don’t even come at me with that Roger Moore nonsense, bro) wearing a ball cap? I think not. Perhaps it’s time to embrace my age and show a little sophistication? Maybe that will be part of the new year, new me look. No more ball caps. Stay tuned.

P.S. if you know of any sources for good ball caps, hit me up. Money is no object. No flat billed gangster hats. Unless they’re going to sponsor me, I’m not crazy about advertising for Nike, Titleist, or other big franchises. Trucker style is just eh. Prefer Velcro adjustable over sized hats. Six panel, not five. Wait, maybe the real problem is that I’ve gotten so picky, the perfect hat doesn’t actually exist anymore? Sigh. The struggle is real.

An Unprecedented Storm

  • The media is garbage. They churn out crap with sensationalist headlines and most people simply read it and assume it’s true. With much of the country encased in some pretty cold temps there’s been plenty of attention on Texas, who’s electrical grid has spectacularly failed. Headline after headline proclaims Houston is being hit with an unprecedented storm. If journalists employed the internet search skills of your average twelve year old, they’d discover there’s nothing “unprecedented” about this. Valentines day, 1895, Houston was hit with 22″ of snow. So, yeah, it’s happened before. Multiple times. Apparently the dictionary definition of unprecedented has changed. I understand you need over the top headlines to sell the modern equivalent of newspapers. I’m ok with that. It used to be if newspapers went too far down the sensationalist road too often, they’d be lumped in with the “weekly world news” tabloids. Today there seems to be no shame in baseless propaganda. I wouldn’t really care except that I guarantee you it won’t be long before our new climate czars will start lumping in the “unprecedented winter storms” with all the other ridiculous and false claims of record hurricanes, rising sea levels, and record wildfires as evidence of rapid acceleration of global warming (sorry, “climate change”). And that false narrative is being used to shut down the fossil fuel industries and funnel billions upon billions of newly printed dollars to more “green energy” boondoggles. Hey, I have no problem with trying to come up alternative sources of energy. But snow covered solar panels and frozen windmills isn’t it. Meanwhile, in 2020 China built over three times as much new coal power capacity as all other countries in the world combined – the equivalent of more than one large coal plant per week. In addition, over 73 gigawatts of new coal power projects were initiated in China, five times as much as in all other countries. China and India do not give a crap about the Paris Climate Treaty. While we watch people in Texas dying from carbon monoxide poisoning trying keep warm, China is eventually going to kick our asses. We have a clean, safe, and reliable source of green energy already. It’s called nuclear. Our failure to embrace it is going to come back to haunt us when it’s too late. Meanwhile, I’m going to go enjoy some powder skiing for the next week in the several feet of global warming expected to fall in our mountains.
  • Meanwhile, lets check in on how mask mandates vs no mandates work. Looking at that chart I’d say mask mandates had no impact on Covid, but then I’d be labeled a denier. Therefore I fully embrace the new CDC policy of encouraging double masking. Oh wait, you told us any face covering works to block viruses? Now I have to wear two? This almost sounds like a face covering doesn’t really work. I’m so confused. It’s almost like the only face covering that actually blocks viruses is, oh I don’t know, a properly worn and fit tested N95 respirator?
  • Speaking of media as garbage, this piece by Glenn Greenwald is excellent. It’s disturbing how easy it is to sensationalize the chaotic initial “reporting” of an event and turn it into an accepted narrative. Again, I wouldn’t really care except that the false narrative is going to be used to implement new Patriot Act type laws giving the federal government broader reaching scope to collect data, spy, and enact further domestic restrictions. Much of the capital region of Washington DC is still a militarized green zone. Why?
  • On a recommendation from several friends, I signed up for MasterClass to get me some more learn’n in my head. With my soon-to-be increased free time (only one more full time shift to go!) I figure I may as well be productive. I just started my first class and so far I’m enjoying it.
  • With the fancy new motorcycle sitting in the garage, due to the unprecedented global warming that’s fallen in our area lately, I also needed a new riding suit. I’m big believer in ATGATT (all the gear, all the time). My previous motorcycle armor is from an earlier century and Mrs Troutdog has been on me to wear something a bit more modern. Once my standard 5,000 hours of YouTube research was done and I settled on which brand/model I was going to get, all that was left was what color? I had to laugh at myself. At my age I still find that I’m somewhat vain like a high school kid worried about how something “looks”. My new bike is mostly white. The outfit color I happened to like the most, and will be the coolest in the summer, is a very light grey. I was worried about looking a bit too much like a vintage Evil Knievel or Fat Elvis and almost ordered a green color I didn’t like, simply because I was concerned what people may think. Fortunately I’m old enough and (somewhat) mature enough to realize that A) nobody gives a shit what I look like, and B) I really don’t give a shit anymore what people think. I wish I’d learned that sort of confidence when I was younger. Peer pressure and the need to conform is a very human trait, but also a very destructive one (see global warming, mask wearing, woke culture, etc…). So, if you see a Fat Elvis looking guy riding down the street on a ginormous red white and blue bike, give me a wave and a big thumbs up. It’s good for my fragile ego.

Song of the day: Elvis Presley – A Little Less Conversation (original)