For those of you old enough to remember, there’s a scene in the original Top Gun movie in which Cougar visits Cmdr. Stinger after crash landing his plane. He’s covered in sweat and tells the Commander “I’m holding on too tight. I’ve lost the edge”, and turns in his wings. This is how I feel every spring when I start riding the motorcycle again.

In my part of the world we have this thing called winter. Being that I live in a mountainous region, my winter is full of snow. This is a good thing since I like to ski, but it’s not so good for riding a motorcycle. Every fall the bike(s) get put away and every spring I wait for a day or two when the snow is mostly melted off the road and the temps are above freezing. I drag out my riding gear and pray the battery is still good. I roll the bike out of the garage and wonder if it was this heavy last year?

It’s hard to describe what it feels like to ride a motorcycle after riding all summer. Everything just feels… in balance. You don’t have to think about anything, it just happens. Riding is a smooth, flowing experience. Muscle memory takes over and you shift and brake without realizing you’re doing it. Balance feels effortless. A slight drop of a heel, a small push of the handlebars, and the bike does exactly what you want it to do. Most importantly it feels like your vision slows down. It’s hard to describe. You see and anticipate everything. You notice holes, ruts, and sand long before you get there. It’s magic.

The first rides in spring are not that. Everything is just… awkward. I couldn’t remember some of the controls for electronics. I killed the engine because I put the kickstand down without being in neutral. I leaned a little too far in a corner and had to do a panic correction. It seems like I lost all sense of balance. Acceleration from a stop is jerky and uncoordinated. I forget to cancel my turn signal.

And the oddest sensation is that everything feels like it’s happening at 3x speed. Corners and ruts came up before I could see them. Traffic seems like it’s going way too fast. I never had the feeling that I could safely look around while I was riding because something would happen faster than I could react.

I made things worse because I’d taken a class towards the end of last summer that had us change the position of brake pedals, levers, and handlebars. I’d barely gotten used to the changes before fall, so now nothing feels right. On top of that I switched to a very heavy, stiff motocross boot and I can no longer feel the rear brake pedal with my foot. The result is that I mash the pedal too hard and slowing down is an ugly lurching thing – too hard, too soft, too hard again.

The end result is the worst thing you can have as a motorcycle rider – I got tentative and a little nervous. Rather than standing up and comfortably powering through gravel and soft dirt, I slowed way down and sat down on the seat. At one point I completely drifted to the wrong side of the (dirt) road because I was so worried about the gravel and sliding. I was panic grabbing the front brake which is the exact opposite of what you should do.

Just like Cougar, I’ve lost the edge. I’m holding on too tight. The difference is – I know I’ll get past this. I have to go through it every year. It’s a matter of time and practice. Somewhere around June I’ll realize that the flow is back and it’s hard to remember why this was so hard?

If you’re new at something, especially something scary, just know that we’ve all been there. Everyone had the exact same feelings you have. For some of us, we have to go through it every single year. It does get easier, I promise.

I refuse to turn in my wings.