Tag: book-review

A Change In Priorities

We had a death in the family this week. Two, actually. Both had massive strokes on the same day and both passed away on the same day. A very odd coincidence. Anyway, I was talking to the widow of one of them and, in an attempt to offer comfort, had mentioned that now is the time to relish the memories they had made together. He brightened up and went into a long list of all the cruises, trips, excursions, and sailing outings they’d done. They’d actually done a lot more than I’d realized. It was obvious how fondly he remembered all those things they’d done together. Ultimately, our life is defined by the experiences we had.

I just finished a book that drove this concept home. It’s called Die With Zero by Bill Perkins. In it, the author has some very unique ideas about money, resources, and what’s important in life. To quote the old saying, “nobody dies wishing they’d spent more time at the office“. He encourages you to use your money to maximize the experience points you accumulate throughout life. He gives an example of when he was just out of school, dirt poor and eating ramen for dinner every night.

His roommate quit his job and borrowed money so he could backpack through Europe for a few months. The author thought he was nuts for being so irresponsible. The roommate came back with fantastic stories of meeting girls, beautiful beaches, and pictures of gorgeous scenery. The roommate found a new job shortly after returning and had paid back the borrowed money before long. Years later the author had built up some savings and thought about the trip the old roommate had taken. He realized that at age 30, he’d never be able to experience or recreate a carefree trip like that. That was an experience reserved for youth, and he’d missed it because he was being responsible with his money. Meanwhile the roommate had an experience he’ll remember forever and suffered no long term financial impacts because of it.

As the name of the book implies, the point is to die with zero. If you’ve got money and savings still in the bank when you’re gone, you left experiences on the table that you could have had. As you lay on your deathbed, wouldn’t you rather have had one last cruise or a trip somewhere with your loved one than a few extra dollars in the bank?

While much of the book is geared towards younger people and helping them think about how to manage their resources long term, there were a few chapters that really hit home for me. He uses the concept of “time buckets” to help prioritize experiences. The things you do in your twenties and thirties can be wild and more risky. You have time to recover, both physically and monetarily. As you move into your forties and fifties you can still have “active” experiences – ski trips, climbing the thousands of stairs in tiny towns in Italy, hiking national parks, etc…

But reality is that by the time you hit your sixties and seventies, the experiences you can have – change. While we all hope we’re still physically fit, for most of us a week long ski trip to Taos is not realistic at 65. Driving and long plane flights are harder. Our experiences tend to be more sedate – cruises, museums, and sitting on the beach enjoying sunsets. If you make it to eighty… well, very few of us are still active. Median life expectancy in the US is 77. Experiences become pretty limited at that point. Most of what you have at that age are memories of the past.

Having someone pass away, combined with the concepts in the book, hit me hard. Based upon average life expectancy, I have twenty years left. That’s only 1,000 weeks. If I did an “experience” every four weeks, that means I’ll have 250 more experiences in my life. That’s sobering. And out of those remaining twenty years, how many do I have left where I can still be relatively active? I hope a lot, but there’s no guarantee.

Why don’t we come to that realization when we’re younger?

So no more farting around and waiting until next month, six months from now, or next year to have those experiences. The clock is ticking and I want those life experiences in the bank. I don’t want to be on my deathbed, with money still in the bank, wishing I’d taken that trip when I was still fit enough to do it.

You only have this life once and you don’t get to take your things with you. You die with nothing more than the memories of what you’ve done and the people around you.

Let’s go make the most out of those remaining weeks.

Chasing The Stoke

The stoke is a surfing term that started appearing in the 1950’s. “Stoke” is a feeling of exhilaration or happiness that you find in something. It can also be a feeling of confidence. “Dude, I’m so stoked – did you see that wave I caught!” Surfers spend their time “chasing the stoke”, meaning driving up and down the coast (or flying to exotic destinations) looking for that perfect wave to fuel the stoke. I mention this because once upon a time in a galaxy far, far, away, I fancied myself as a surfer. In reality I was a really bad surfer, but it didn’t matter. When I caught a decent wave, it gave me such a feeling of exhilaration… I knew exactly what the stoke was at those moments. And I wanted more.

I am officially declaring the next 356 days the year of the stoke. I’ll admit that I’ve lost the stoke lately. It’s time to get it back. It’s time to do things that get you excited and wanting more. This year will be about experiences that make you want to wake up early so you can plan out the next thing. I want to get back to chasing the stoke.

So in no particular order, here are the stoke-inducing resolutions for the coming year:

  • You can’t chase the stoke if you look like a homeless street bum. Regardless of setting – island wear, city exploration, or climbing mountains, if you look good you’ll feel better about yourself. And if you feel good, you’ll be more pumped to go find the stoke. We will look good this year.
  • It goes without saying, if you resemble the Pillsbury Doughboy it’s hard to look good. Not impossible, but certainly harder. We want to remove obstacles to finding the stoke. Not being squishy around the middle is a priority.
  • With the zombie apocalypse and/or civil war looming at any moment, we will strive to be harder to kill. Confidence makes finding the stoke easier.
  • I have plenty of adrenaline-producing hobbies. Mountain bikes, motorcycles, skiing, etc… These things shall be a daily priority to keep the desire for chasing the stoke primed.
  • Documenting the stoke helps maintain that need to keep finding it. Looking back at pictures or video and thinking whoa that was cool, makes you want to go do it again. Creativity will be a priority this year. Besides, let’s be honest – who doesn’t like showing off your stoke a bit?
  • It’s harder to feel the stoke when you only surf at the same spot. It gets boring. We will chase the stoke this year. Little towns, museums, epic landscapes, picturesque barns, quirky stores and tacky tourist spots are all on the menu. We will hit the road to find the stoke this year.
  • Part of finding the stoke is developing habits that make you happy and content. Finding your zen. Making a point to go to the coffee shop several times a week to relax and talk about where to find your stoke next. Getting massages. Creating morning routines that don’t involve hours of mindless TV or surfing the internet. Walks after dinner and sitting in the sun first thing in the morning. There’s a reason so many surfers are into Buddha, mindfulness, and connecting with nature – being grounded leads to contentment. You can’t find the stoke if you start your day angry about geopolitics.
  • When I was a teenager, I was able to chase the stoke fueled by pop tarts, gas station burritos and NoDoz. That is not a recipe for success now. This year we will be mindful and deliberate about food. We will take the time to make a decent cup of coffee or tea. We will spend time cooking with a focus on real food, taste, and healthy recipes. We will combat the urge to eat crap because we were too lazy to plan ahead. Clean, simple, and not processed. Life is too short to not enjoy food (in appropriate portions).
  • It’s hard to chase the stoke when you’re weighed down with things. If something isn’t adding value to my life, or I haven’t used it in a year – it’s gone. I’m too old to be collecting stuff. This year needs to be a focus on minimalism and being deliberate. The things I surround myself with need to be comfortable, make me happy to be around, be of good quality, and be utilitarian. If it’s not helping me chase the stoke, or improving my mood and environment – it’s gone. Clean and simple is the answer. Clutter and disarray are the enemy of finding the stoke.

So that’s it. My plan for the year. Easier said than done, I know. But when you sit back and look at the list, why wouldn’t you be doing those things? The mere fact that I have to make these resolutions to myself shows just how off track I’ve gotten from what’s important.

We’re only here once. Let’s make sure we make it a life worth living.

“We are what we repeatedly do, therefore, excellence is not an act but a habit.” - Aristotle