Category: Health

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

And The Answer Is…

If you’ve been following along at home, you’ll remember that I recently did something I shouldn’t have done. I thought I was twenty again and spent the day lifting furniture. I figured I’m a dude, so of course I can still do that sort of thing. The problem is that as you age the connective tissue becomes less supple and thinner. Years of slowly becoming deconditioned take their toll. The end result is injury.

In my case it’s a hernia and a separated linea alba. My abdominal muscles pulled apart, allowing the tissue below to bulge out. Yesterday I got the official word – lots of PT and surgery.

Age is a weird thing. It creeps up on you. Mentally I certainly don’t feel old. Up until recently I didn’t feel terribly old physically either. Oh sure, I couldn’t do things to the level I could when I was younger – but I was still out there doing it. I’ve always felt that compared to lots of guys my age I’m doing pretty good.

But this year felt different. Especially this summer. Yes I’ve put on weight before and felt various levels of stronger/weaker throughout the years, but the last six months I just haven’t had the mojo. Body parts just hurt. My eyes changed and I had to get new glasses. My balance is noticeably worse. I’ve had lots of little nagging injuries. And my weight, and the motivation to do anything about it, just hasn’t budged.

For the first time, I honestly feel old.

And now this. The unfortunate part is that the warning signs were flashing neon red. Rapid weight gain. A low back injury last year was the foreshadowing that my transverse abdominals were weak and deconditioned. I skied a bunch last winter, but otherwise didn’t do much physical activity. For a variety of reasons, my usual summer activities (hiking, mountain biking, motorcycle riding, etc…) have been pretty sparse this year. Long story short, there’s been more sitting than moving.

A perfect recipe for injury. An older adult going from the couch to moving furniture, or trying out pickleball, or deciding to take up running again, or even just stepping off an awkward height is just asking for problems. As Dr. Peter Attia writes in his book “Outlive”, once you reach your mid-50’s you’re no longer building muscle and strength – you’re desperately trying to maintain what you have. The moment you stop moving, you start going backwards in terms of physical ability.

Muscles atrophy, connective tissue weakens, tendons and ligaments are no longer supple. The key is to recognize the limitations. Unless you’ve continued to actively train, the days of doing box jumps, hill sprints, and explosive dynamic movements are probably in the rear-view mirror. That doesn’t mean you can’t get back to some form of those things… but you need to go very slow and carefully to avoid injury.

Mentally it’s hard to come to grips with that. In my head I’ve always thought that if I just got motivated for a few months and lost a few pounds, I’d be right back to where I was three or four years ago. Reality has a way of itch-slapping you in the face.

The Dr was pretty blunt. The surgical recovery won’t be too bad. Four weeks of not lifting anything. I should be able to ski in six weeks, although not at 100%. It’ll all be dependent on how motivated I am with PT (Hmm, sounds just like I used to lecture my post–operative patients about. What goes around, comes around).

The good news is that the doc cleared me to do any activities I want leading up to the surgery. I won’t make things any worse at this point. The harder I work now, the better my recovery will be. It looks like I have eight weeks to get ready.

Let’s do this.

Government, Health

Let Me Say It Louder

The administration is indicating that there’s an updated covid vaccine about to come out and we should all get boosted. Additionally, there’s lots of talk about mask mandates making a comeback. The appropriate answer to both of these is not just no, but HELL NO. We’re not going down that road again.

The vaccine/mask thing is one of the things I’m really angry at myself for. In the beginning I was all-in for the vaccine. I praised President Trump for finding a way to test in parallel to accelerate the release of the vaccine. I believed in our health agencies and in science. As an RN, I honestly believed the CDC, NIH, and WHO all had the best interests of public in mind. After all, they were scientists and healthcare professionals, right?

When the vaccine was just about to be released for frontline workers, I talked to one of our neurologists about it. He felt very confident in its safety and how they went about testing it. I was all in. I’d already been working the covid floors every week, so having an additional layer of protection seemed appropriate. I got the shot the first week it came out for healthcare workers.

When masks were mandated for workers in the hospital, we were in the midst of the supply chain crisis and zero masks were available. We were issued one mask every three days. Wearing the same mask for a 12+ hour shift was gross. It was downright nasty to wear it for two more days. It was quickly obvious that forcing us to wear masks was for show only. Most of us let them dangle around our ears or kept them pulled down to our chins and we’d quickly pull them up if hospital administrators walked around.

Note: working the covid floors was different – we wore proper fit-tested N95’s, face shield, and used good PPE don/doff procedures when in a room with a covid patient. After all, we’d been working in rooms with highly contagious and airborne diseases for years prior to covid. This was not new for us. I did not know of a single nurse that contracted covid from a patient.

Soon, the mask thing in the public got crazy. The administration and Fauci were pushing “masking” like it was the holy grail that was going to save us from the pandemic. It still boggles my mind that people actually thought wearing some sort of nasty bandana around their face was really doing anything. I’d go hiking and get yelled at because I wasn’t wearing a mask. As a society we collectively lost our minds.

Here’s the part that makes me mad at myself. I went along to get along. I was already being forced to wear a mask by my employer to keep my job. I wanted to go to the grocery store, Costco, get on an airplane, etc… it was easier to just wear the mask than make a big stink.

I called myself a Contrarian. I was sure I’d be the one to resist government overreach and public hysteria. Nope. I folded like a wet blanket. It was easier to just comply so I could participate in society. So much for principles.

Meanwhile, the vaccines weren’t working. In fact, we made things worse by forcing a non sterilizing vaccine on the public and thwarting any sort of herd immunity. And then the side effects and health problems started arising from the shot. My hospital was firing any RN’s who refused to take it. Many of the nurses let go were younger women concerned about long term, unknown reproductive health questions. Keep in mind, we were desperately in need of nurses. At the time we were surviving only with government FEMA nurses and travel RN’s. The hospital administration thought firing nurses who refused the vaccine was the right thing to do… forgetting that they had no problem sending us in to work the covid floors pre-vaccine and with reused PPE and masks.

The long term damage the federal and local administrations did to the reputations of the scientific and health communities is incalculable. I no longer have any faith in anything the CDC or NIH says about anything. Sadly, I will question the efficacy of most new medical/pharmacology “breakthroughs” moving forward. The profit over safety pipeline has become crystal clear.

But more than anything, I’m frightened how easily all of us just went along with something so we could fit in to society. I knew masks were stupid and pointless, yet I did it anyway so I could go to Starbucks. We are sheep. It shows how easily we’ll give up our freedoms for the illusion of a little safety. That scares me.

So, you can take your mask and shove it where the sun don’t shine. I will not comply.

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

That’s Going To Leave A Mark

I remember the days when you never had to think about doing things. Jumping over fences, climbing trees, picking things up, and running were all activities you took for granted. You just did them. You didn’t worry about stretching beforehand, ensuring you’d eaten enough protein, or if you were using proper form. I think in my head I still feel like that person much of the time. Reality has a way of reminding you those days are gone.

I did what every old man should avoid. I spent a day picking up and moving heavy furniture. I actually felt pretty good doing it. I never felt like I strained terribly hard or had to struggle to lift something. I was tired at the end of the day, but was pleased with myself for the effort I put in. I went to bed satisfied with a good day’s work.

The next morning I did a sit up to get out of bed and a huge alien looking thing popped straight out of my abdomen. I immediately laid back down. Holy shit, what was that? I slowly sat back up and my abdomen had that same big bulge projecting out in an unnatural way. I gingerly pushed and prodded a bit to see if it would go away. I laid back down and closed my eyes for a few minutes. I had a pretty good idea of what happened.

I was in such denial that I ignored it for most of the morning and went about my business. It was approaching lunch time and I snuck back into the bedroom to lay down and see if it was still there. Crap. I knew I was going to need to see a doctor. I reluctantly called in Mrs Troutdog and showed her. She was understandably alarmed. “Oh my god, what is that?”, she exclaimed. That sealed the deal. Off to the walk-in clinic I went.

Long story short I’ve either torn or separated the linea alba. That’s the connective tissue that holds the abdominal muscles together. Sigh.

I don’t know what it means yet. I have a surgical consult next week to see what, if anything, needs to be done about it. The initial doctor said twisting motions should be fine, but don’t be lifting anything. I’m unclear if I can ride a bike, motorcycle, etc…

My prediction is that the answer will be lose weight, strengthen the transverse abdominals, don’t do crunches, sit ups, or deadlifts, and work with physical therapy for some number of weeks. But who knows? Maybe it will require a surgical repair.

My fear is that my new reality will be a long-term limitation to activities in some fashion regardless of the answer. It also means that getting serious about the weight loss, and proper strength training, are no longer optional. Will I have the discipline to actually follow through with it? It’s ironic – as an RN I lectured countless post operative patients that their quality of life will now be dependent upon how dedicated were towards rehab and PT. I’d give a judgmental look at a patient and just know that they won’t do anything to help themselves, and will show up with the same problem a few years down the road.

Looks like I’m finally going to have to eat my own words.

As Dirty Harry said in the movie Magnum Force, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” Clearly, I didn’t know mine.

Daily Life, Health

Hiring Movers

We recently had to move a bunch of furniture several hours south. Logistically it was going to be complicated. We were going to have to get it offloaded from a semi-truck to one location, and then figure out how to get it all to a different location. Some of this stuff was really heavy and plenty of stairs would come into play. At this stage in my life, my first reaction was that we needed to hire a moving company.

I always worry about hurting my back when lifting heavy things. I worry about damaging stuff because, well, we’re not professionals. I didn’t want to deal with renting a U-Haul trailer. I hate asking for help just in general… asking friends to help move is the worst. It was one thing when we were twenty and people were happy to come over just for the pizza and beer. At this age I’d feel awful if a friend got hurt as we tried to carry something heavy up a flight of stairs.

In summary, I was grumpy about the whole thing before we even started. When the quote came back for a moving company in the several thousand-dollar range, that guaranteed we’d be doing it ourselves. My outlook was not improved.

Despite my sour mood and general grumpiness, somehow things just seemed to work out. The semi-truck driver was a really nice guy and agreed to come directly to our house to offload. We ended up with free use of a nice 16-foot enclosed trailer. A friend called and offered to help without my having to ask. Everything just lined up perfectly.

All this drove home a couple of life lessons:

  • You’re always better off just diving into a project and getting it done. Things are rarely as hard and unpleasant as you make them out to be in your head.
  • Once I embraced the task and broke a sweat, I actually enjoyed getting stuff moved, unpacking, and cleaning up. It felt good to have worked hard and accomplished something.
  • Parents, find a way to teach your kids how to back up a trailer. It’s something I rarely do. It’s embarrassing as an adult male to struggle with this and have lots of people directing and “helping” you in real-time.
  • Don’t let yourself become so deconditioned that you can’t move furniture around.

And last, but not least… strive to maintain a can-do and get shit done attitude. It’ll make you happier and the people around you happier. I’ve certainly lost that lately. Working on it. Recognizing issues is half the battle, right?

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

I Don’t Understand How This Happens

Years ago I had a pretty good crash on the mountain bike. A broken rib and big-time shoulder pain. Being a dude, I never really did anything about it. Eventually (like a year+ later) the pain in my shoulder became unbearable. Every night after dinner I’d have to sit with a heating pad on my shoulder to calm the ache down enough to be able to sleep. Finally, I went in to have it looked at. An MRI confirmed what the doc suspected with his physical examination – a torn supraspinatus (part of the rotator cuff) and subsequent arthritis since I never did anything about the injury when it happened. Side note – the big-ass needle used to inject contrast dye deep into the shoulder hurt way more than the injury itself.

The doc said that the tear wasn’t large enough justify surgery and prescribed PT. I went for a while. I’ve mentioned before that the gym isn’t my thing so eventually, I abandoned any sort of structured rehab. Fast forward and the end result has been that my shoulder always hurts. Any sort of overhead pulling or pushing motion is a no-go, which has always been my excuse for not doing pullups.

Anyway, over the winter I started using a strength conditioning coach and we worked pretty hard on my shoulder. For the first time I started seeing progress. The pain was going away. My range of motion improved enough that I was able to slowly start working on the pullup motion. Hey, maybe this really was fixable! A pain free shoulder would be amazing.

Well, me being me… I’ve fallen off the workout wagon the last two months. Life, ugly weather, and the previously mentioned hatred of the gym makes it super hard to stay motivated. Yeah, a pitiful excuse I know. It is what it is.

So, three days ago I woke up, rolled over and tried to get out of bed. Intense shooting pain in that shoulder. Unable to even lift my arm type of pain. It’s the exact same spot and exact same pain I had previously. It’s gotten slightly better, but I still can’t lift my arm over my head without pain. It aches all day long.

I have officially reached the age where I manage to hurt myself sleeping. I don’t even understand how this is possible? How in the world do I sleep in a funny position for long enough that it torques my shoulder sufficient enough to re-aggravate an old injury? I mean, seriously? Who hurts themselves sleeping?

To make matters worse, I leave in a week for a three-day offroad motorcycle class. It’s guaranteed there will be multiple crashes and frequent picking up of a 500+ pound motorcycle. I don’t know how this is going to work if my shoulder continues to feel like it does right now.

Currently I’m vacillating between giving in to old age or resolving to spend two hours in the gym every day. Sigh… I’m not going to give in, but man it sure is hard sometimes to remain motivated.

Now I’m afraid to go to sleep for fear of what new injury I’ll wake up to.

Daily Life, Health, Motivation

The Science Of Giving Up

The snow finally melted, the sun is out, and the trails are dry. Today was the first mountain bike ride since last fall. I loaded up the bike and got an excited dog in the truck and drove to the trailhead. Literally as soon as I got to the parking lot, the skies opened up and it started raining. Crap. I sat in the car for a full minute thinking oh well, guess I’ll have to ride tomorrow. Then I looked at my dogs face and didn’t want to disappoint him. I figured I wasn’t going to melt, so off we went.

Ooooh boy was I rusty. The balance wasn’t there. And it turns out, ski muscles are not the same as bike muscles. I was going pretty slow. This seemed like more work than I remembered. As I rode along, I started thinking about what route I wanted to take. There is a shorter loop and a longer loop.

I was already tired and being wet from the rain didn’t help my motivation. I started justifying to myself that there was no need to take the long loop my first ride out. It has a couple of steep climbs that I knew would hurt. I should probably get some shorter rides in before tackling the bigger one. Besides, it was the dogs first day out as well. No need to push him.

I got to the trail junction where I had to commit one way or another. I sat there for quite a while trying to decide. I really didn’t want to do those climbs. I watched the dog, trying to see if he seemed tired. What to do, what to do?

I listened to a podcast the other day that had two Navy seals talking about hell week. That’s the culmination of the first evolution trainees go through as prospective seals. A week of no sleep, little food, and nonstop physical training. Carrying logs, paddling boats in the surf, running, and never-ending pushups and pull ups – all while wet and sandy. There’s a massive attrition rate, which is the point of it all. Finding out who’s going to quit when things get really hard.

Anyway, the Navy guys said the interesting thing is that nobody quits during the hard stuff. They quit while on a break or after eating some food. Turns out your brain imagining what’s going to happen next and how you’ll feel is more powerful than enduring an exhausting exercise session. If you give your brain time to think, it’ll do everything it can to convince you to not do something it perceives as potentially unpleasant. I found that fascinating.

Long story short, I took the long loop. The rain stopped and the sun came out. I did ok on the climbs and the hound did just fine. It ended up being a good first ride. I got back to the car and was super happy I didn’t let my brain win the argument. It’s like going to the gym. I hate the gym and will come up with every excuse possible to convince myself to go tomorrow instead. And every single time I do go, I feel better and am happy I went.

So, this weekend – go take the long loop.

Daily Life, Health

I’m Bored

It doesn’t happen very often, but yesterday it did. It was the perfect storm of circumstances. The weather was nasty all day. It’s the winter that just won’t quit. It snowed heavy wet snow most of the day, then switched to rain. Everything is just a snowy, muddy, mucky mess. I didn’t have access to the computer I usually use to do photo/video editing. There weren’t any interior house projects to do. I managed to get the dog a short, wet, hike, but other than that, I didn’t go outside.

I was honestly bored.

The worst part of being bored is that it’s hard to shake the feeling. I sat down to try and write something at least a dozen times and… nothing. I couldn’t muster the energy to write a single word. I told myself I should go to the gym, and then I’d look out at the snowy/rainy mess and think – blah. I watched a few YouTube videos, but the recommendation algorithm just seemed uninspiring.

I finally sat down and read a book that’s not very interesting. I napped. I made coffee and read a few more chapters. And then repeated that for the rest of the afternoon.

That level of inactivity is soul crushing. It’s like a heavy weight that slowly presses down on you and keeps pressing harder the longer you sit. It sucks your energy and makes it harder and harder to get up and do something. The longer I sat, the less interest I had in moving. By 3pm, I probably could have just crawled in bed and been done for the day.

Sloth may be the most insidious of the seven deadly sins. It robs you of the desire to do anything. And sloth is exponential. With each hour, each day, the power of sloth increases, and it becomes harder and harder to break free. Diet, exercise, being creative, being successful – all are at the mercy of sloth.

“Sloth subverts the livelihood of the body, taking no care for its day-to-day provisions, and slows down the mind, halting its attention to matters of great importance. Sloth hinders the man in his righteous undertakings and thus becomes a terrible source of human’s undoing.”

Breaking free of the gravitational pull of sloth is the key to everything. What was Newton’s first law of motion? “An object at rest, stays at rest. An object in motion, stays in motion.”

Stay in motion.

Diet, Health

Yum, Fermented Milk

I had a follow up meeting this week with my gastroenterologist to discuss strategies to fix my gut issues. Two things jumped out at me from the discussion. The first was weight loss. The doc is a very fit guy who’s into brazilin jiu-jitsu. We’d been talking about diet, and he laughed and said, “these days I have to be careful about who I say this to, but losing just ten pounds would make a huge difference in how your gut feels”.

What struck me is not that I could lose some weight (I already know that), but that in today’s day and age he has to be careful about telling someone that. It’s sad that we no longer want to hear the truth. We want to be told to take this one pill and it will fix everything. In reality, we’d all be better off if doctors felt like they could freely tell their patients that they’re a disgusting fat-body and it’s time to do something about it. Unfortunately, that would offend our delicate sensibilities and someone would probably sue for damaging their self-esteem.

The second thing he said is that people don’t understand how long it takes to repair the gut microbiome when things go haywire. He felt it was going to take six months to a year to get back to normal. He said he laughs when people say they can remove a particular food or try a diet for a week or two and think it will do anything. Several months is the minimum to see real change. He said the gut is incredibly complex and we still don’t understand much about why it gets out of whack.

My official diagnosis is post-disease IBS. I contracted something at some point, and it threw my gut into a downward spiral. When we originally talked, I’d said Covid was the last time I’d been sick. He didn’t initially think that was the cause. When we met this time, he said he followed up with some research and studies are starting to show that Covid is having an impact on gut health. Interesting.

Anyway, as a part of repairing things we talked about foods and supplements I should be taking. Big amounts of protein, wheat dextrin fiber, yogurt with live cultures, and fermented foods like Kefir. I had to Google kefir. I’d seen it in the store but didn’t know what it actually was. It’s fermented milk. Uhhhh… I don’t know if I can do that.

When I was in my early twenties I worked at a restaurant. During my break I was in the habit of chugging one of those mini cartons of milk. One fateful evening, I grabbed a carton and started drinking it down like I was shot gunning a beer. The carton as almost empty before I realized the milk was… chunky. I ran to a garbage can and vomited up all that spoiled and curdled milk. I haven’t drunk milk since.

So you can see why I’d be a little hesitant to drink fermented milk on purpose. I think I’ll put that on the back burner for now. Besides, it turns out sauerkraut has the same benefits. I like sauerkraut. I like hot dogs. I could do a sauerkraut dog a day. What could go wrong with that?

Health

Pink Dumbbells

I bit the bullet and joined a regular gym. This will be a supplement to my garage gym when I’m away from home in a secret, undisclosed location. My home garage gym has quite a bit of non-traditional globo-gym equipment. Clubbells, slam balls, medicine balls, rings, kettlebells, etc… For better or worse, I haven’t been following a “normal” lifting program. My swinging heavy clubs and jumping around on plyo boxes has fixed my back pain but hasn’t done much towards traditional strength measurements. So in anticipation of going to the regular gym, I searched the interwebs and found a pretty basic globo-gym lifting program.

It’s what you’d expect – every other day schedule of pulling movements, another day of pushing heavy stuff, one day of legs, repeat. Armed with a list of what to do, I took a deep breath and walked into the gym. Luckily it wasn’t busy, or I probably would have turned right around and left. I’m self-conscious just in general, so a gym environment is one of the worse places to be. It’s hard to hide all the jiggly bits. I have to wander around to find the right machine and figure out how to use it. And worse of all, I usually have some steroid monster watching me having to reduce the weight on a machine down to 10-year-old girl levels.

Anyway, I started in on my new lifting routine. It went pretty well. I didn’t drop anything and felt like it sorta looked like I knew what I was doing. I started thinking, this isn’t bad. Why hadn’t I done this before? I finished the last set of an exercise and pulled out the phone to see what was next. Lateral raises. I knew this would be challenging. I have a messed-up shoulder that hurts 24×7. Not to mention the aforementioned lack of strength.

I really wasn’t sure how much weight I’d be able to use. The gym had huge stacks of dumbbells against one of the walls. They were fancy dumbbells, coated with a rubberized material – each weight size a different color. I started picking up weights and experimenting to see what I’d be able to lift with my jacked-up shoulder. None of them seemed right. After picking through every color I could see, I was down to the final one. A big pile of shiny pink dumbbells.

I picked one up and, son of bitch, it was the exact right weight. Pink. It had to be pink. I glanced around the gym and nobody was paying attention. Deep sigh. I grabbed the pink dumbbells and went over to a mirror to start my sets. As I worked through the reps, I started breathing harder. Grunting a little bit. As I said, my shoulder hurts, so I was having to push a bit to complete each set.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. I had an awkward grimace on my face. Sweat was dripping down my brow. And then the worst scenario for a self conscious gym newbie happened. A couple of younger, fit, gym-bros came to the station next to me and started loading up big time weight plates. There I am, huffing and puffing, horrible form, struggling to lift up my shiny pink dumbbells. Of course.

Not much I could do other than bravely finish my set and then do the walk of shame across the gym to put away my pink weights. Sigh.

Working out gets expensive when you now have to join a second gym where you won’t be recognized. I checked; they don’t have pink weights.

Daily Life, Health

Go Big Or Go Home

Today was a glorious day. It was the first night it didn’t freeze overnight. Sun. Clear blue sky. No wind. Snow has melted off all the roads. Birds are chirping and the chipmunks are going crazy trying to find their fall stashes. It’s hard not to be in a good mood with a spring day like this. So I decided to go for a run. Not a fast walk. I decided I would suck it up and actually run. It was the first time in two years.

It went about as well as expected. I felt like a gazelle for about two minutes. Then I realized my heart rate was maxed out, so I slowed down. I looked back and could still see the house. Well, that’s discouraging. I continued to plod along and ignored everything that hurt. I ran a route that I used to run way back when I thought of myself as a runner. All I remembered was that it was my “quick” route in town when the trails were too muddy. I managed to jog most of the way, but definitely had to walk from time to time. It took me a lot longer than I remembered.

By the time I got back to the house I was pretty tired. Once my heart rate slowed down, I checked the mileage. 4.6 miles. Hmm. That was probably a bit much for first time out of the gate. I guess my memory of mileage was a bit off. I’m going to pay for that tomorrow for sure.

Besides the beautiful spring day, why did I suddenly decide to go for a run? We have a new friend who’s in his early sixties. As we’re getting to know him, I just found out he’s a competitive bodybuilder. He frequently competes with guys twenty-plus years younger than him… and wins. We had a fascinating discussion about diet and workouts. He’s just about to go to a competition, so he’s just started his weight cut. It was hard to hear how easy it was for him to cut down to 8% body fat. He said, yeah I’m a little hungry but I have a formula that just works.

I found our talk really inspirational. If someone his age can do that, I have zero excuse. If he can have the rigor to work his job, workout at night, and dial in his bodyfat exactly where he wants it, I should be able to drop a few pounds and get my ass to the gym.

I found our talk super energizing. I counted calories all day yesterday and today. I went for a morning hike with the dog and then the run. We’re going to keep this momentum. If he can do it, I can do it.

After today’s bit of overdoing it with the run, getting out of bed tomorrow is going to hurt. Going to the gym is going to take some motivational self-talk. But we’re going to get it done. Go big or go home, right?