Somehow I went down the rabbit hole of watching James Bond clips on YouTube. Sean Connery was the man. The definition of cool and toxic masculinity. Daniel Craig was also a damn good Bond. Anyway, my point was not a film review of Bond films or how embarrassing Rodger Moore was. What got me thinking was fashion. I know, weird.

What I realized watching those clips was two things. First, very low body fat. In the Daniel Craig films it’s easy to watch and think (in an odd man-crush sort of way), wow he looks good for a short guy. Someone who’s trim and fit today stands out. And then you watch the original Bond films and realize that back then everyone was trim. It was odd to see a fat person. What the hell happened to us? Seed oils? Gluten? Microplastics in the food? Sitting in a chair for 16 hours a day? It’s a mystery.

Anyway. The second thing you notice is the fashion. Mr. Bond is always put together. He looks damn good in a tux at the casino, in a suit while out and about, or even his beach attire. James Bond is never scruffy looking. He does not wear sweatpants or baggy shirts. If you are a bad guy about to get capped by Bond, at least you were offed by someone who took the time to put on a tie in the morning.

I do not have the James Bond fashion drive. I wear baggy shorts half the year, and old jeans the rest of the time. XXL is the general theme, for both comfort and hiding an ever expanding belly. A baseball cap is standard issue since I’m always in-between haircuts. I shave once or twice a week. Let’s just say I’m never going to make the cover of vogue.

I wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time I wore a tie to work every day. I had expensive leather shoes. My slide into frumpiness started with working at the evil empire (Microsoft). I showed up to my interview in a suit and tie and quickly realized the standard software engineer uniform in California was flip flops with a t-shirt and shorts. Later, as an RN, I wore scrubs which is basically like wearing pajamas every day. I’ve never recovered.

Watching those Bond film clips got me thinking. Maybe I should put effort into dressing well every day? Analogous to Admiral McRaven’s speech about making your bed every day, I know that if you look good, you’ll feel good. And if you feel good about yourself you’ll be more likely to go to the gym, eat better, and be productive with your day.

Nobody wears a suit anymore except politicians and Wall Street financiers, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be well put together. Could I wake up every day and put on nice slacks and a sweater rather than lounging in sweatpants until 10am? Morning shower, shave, and no more baseball hats unless fishing or playing golf? Fashionable shoes rather than Crocs or flip flops? I don’t know…

Part of the problem (excuse) is weight. I’d hate to buy clothes for my current stature because I’ll be losing at least twenty pounds any day now. It’d be a waste to buy stuff that won’t fit in a few months, right?

There’s also the public image I need to maintain. What would people think if I suddenly showed up looking like a GQ model? I’m afraid folks might think I’d won the lottery and ask to borrow money. Older men just don’t radically change their appearance unless they only have a few months to live, received a large inheritance, or are newly divorced. I’m not in any of those scenarios and would hate for people to start gossiping.

But then again, it might be fun to see if I could change my public persona. Maybe I should start dressing up every day? I’m never going to look like Daniel Craig (I’m much taller), but I could still look pretty spiffy if I tried. I’d probably start getting a level of respect more fitting of my age, rather than looking like a frumpy college student buying clothes from the Costco discount bins . (full disclosure, 95% of my current wardrobe comes from Costco)

Ok, I’ve convinced myself. I am going to become a fashionable older gentleman. Maybe grow a handlebar mustache. If I wear a hat it will be a fedora. Vests and sport coats. Women will swoon.

I think this might get expensive.

PS. Do you think I need to get rid of my Crocs? I really like my Crocs.