I remember the days when you never had to think about doing things. Jumping over fences, climbing trees, picking things up, and running were all activities you took for granted. You just did them. You didn’t worry about stretching beforehand, ensuring you’d eaten enough protein, or if you were using proper form. I think in my head I still feel like that person much of the time. Reality has a way of reminding you those days are gone.

I did what every old man should avoid. I spent a day picking up and moving heavy furniture. I actually felt pretty good doing it. I never felt like I strained terribly hard or had to struggle to lift something. I was tired at the end of the day, but was pleased with myself for the effort I put in. I went to bed satisfied with a good day’s work.

The next morning I did a sit up to get out of bed and a huge alien looking thing popped straight out of my abdomen. I immediately laid back down. Holy shit, what was that? I slowly sat back up and my abdomen had that same big bulge projecting out in an unnatural way. I gingerly pushed and prodded a bit to see if it would go away. I laid back down and closed my eyes for a few minutes. I had a pretty good idea of what happened.

I was in such denial that I ignored it for most of the morning and went about my business. It was approaching lunch time and I snuck back into the bedroom to lay down and see if it was still there. Crap. I knew I was going to need to see a doctor. I reluctantly called in Mrs Troutdog and showed her. She was understandably alarmed. “Oh my god, what is that?”, she exclaimed. That sealed the deal. Off to the walk-in clinic I went.

Long story short I’ve either torn or separated the linea alba. That’s the connective tissue that holds the abdominal muscles together. Sigh.

I don’t know what it means yet. I have a surgical consult next week to see what, if anything, needs to be done about it. The initial doctor said twisting motions should be fine, but don’t be lifting anything. I’m unclear if I can ride a bike, motorcycle, etc…

My prediction is that the answer will be lose weight, strengthen the transverse abdominals, don’t do crunches, sit ups, or deadlifts, and work with physical therapy for some number of weeks. But who knows? Maybe it will require a surgical repair.

My fear is that my new reality will be a long-term limitation to activities in some fashion regardless of the answer. It also means that getting serious about the weight loss, and proper strength training, are no longer optional. Will I have the discipline to actually follow through with it? It’s ironic – as an RN I lectured countless post operative patients that their quality of life will now be dependent upon how dedicated were towards rehab and PT. I’d give a judgmental look at a patient and just know that they won’t do anything to help themselves, and will show up with the same problem a few years down the road.

Looks like I’m finally going to have to eat my own words.

As Dirty Harry said in the movie Magnum Force, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” Clearly, I didn’t know mine.