Over this past Christmas break, we traveled to a warmer climate to visit the in-laws. It was a lovely trip, but spending time with my in-laws is, well, unique. Think the Costanzas from Seinfeld and you’ll have a pretty good picture of the experience. They’re getting older, so things tend to move at a glacial pace. You’d think I’d have figured this out by now, but for some reason I’m always baffled as to why we can’t get out of the house before 2pm. And you have to be back to the house by 4pm so you can take naps before dinner. Anyway, the end result is that I have plenty of time sitting around the pool… waiting.

To fill my time this trip, I read. I actually lost track of how many books I finished (there was a lot of waiting). Part of the reason I read so many books, is that I went down a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. Now I love me a good conspiracy theory. There’s just something about challenging conventional wisdom that appeals to the Contrarian in me.

But to be a good conspiracy theory, it can’t be too wacky. Chemtrails and birds aren’t real are too far-fetched. No, the theory needs to be outside of mainstream thinking, but have just enough facts rooted in reality to make you go “hmmm”. You don’t want to believe, but something in the narrative is just enough that you begin to doubt what you’ve been told.

I started my journey with the Kennedy assassination. First off, it’s weird that the government won’t declassify anything other than rehashed Warren commission stuff. That by itself is enough to make you go “hmmm”. The more I read, I’d think “no, that couldn’t be”. I’d do a little independent research and sure enough a certain person was verifiably there or involved in some way. It was an awesome trip down a weird rabbit hole. And you know it was a good conspiracy theory when you then start thinking, well if that could have happened, what else could be covered up? Boom. Next thing you know I’m four books into big brother controlling my thoughts and the CCP monitoring my activities through my smart refrigerator. I loved it!

Everyone loves a good conspiracy theory. That’s why we’re so susceptible to ads and YouTube thumbnails that start with “Nobody knows this one trick to…” or “The secret Costco price strategy…” and “Lose weight by eating this little-known food…” We all want to be in on the secret.

But after my multi-day reading frenzy, I don’t know if I want to learn about any more conspiracies. Because if they’re even partially true – it’s disturbing, and kind of depressing. I WANT to believe that the world is fair and that everyone plays by the rules. I want to believe that evil cabals only exist in the movies. Otherwise, it means that us little guys are suckers and just pawns in a game that’s rigged.

I think it’s time for me to step away from the conspiracy theory genre. Maybe I’ll go find a good spy thriller or a whodunit mystery. Meanwhile, you’ll have to excuse me for a bit – I need to cover all the cameras and speakers in my house with black tape. With the research I did, I’m positive I’m now on some sort of government watch-list. Should I suddenly disappear, please know that I have no desire to Epstein or Mcafee myself.

P.S. birds aren’t real